


Soul in the dark

by Becksndot5



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:23:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 90,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Becksndot5/pseuds/Becksndot5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How much can one soul take before its light goes out and there's nothing more left than ashes?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all like it. This is my first fic and English is not my first language. Feedback is highly appreciated :) thanks to justholdinghandsok for encouraging me to post it :) !

Chapter 1

The entire last week she spent chasing after lights phenomena in a forest with Mulder. The last two days it had rained in streams and she was soaked to the bone. When she thought her ordeal had come to an end and she could now finally treat herself to a hot bath to relax a bit, there was frantic knocking on the door.  
Annoyed she opened the door and was a little surprised when she saw Mulder . His facial expression showed her that her plan of taking a relaxing bath was receding into the distance. What followed were a further 14 hours in a wooded area with them battling against storming wind and rain.  
After Mulder had realized that the search was at an end, they drove back to Washington . He parked in front of her building to let her out, his offer to carry her bags up to her door for her was refused by a smile and a „No I got it. Drive home safely Mulder. See you Monday!“  
He watched her going into her building and then pulled out of the parking lot and drove off.

Scullys Apartement  
Sunday 10.52pm  
After being away for the week she slowly entered her apartment . She dropped the key on the table and placed her travel bag next to the couch.  
*At home. Finally.* Scully thought.  
She stretched her sore muscles and then went on her way to the bathroom . While the water ran into the bathtub, she was listening to the messages on her answering machine. In addition to the call from her mother, who inquired after her health, a call from her doctor was next . Her Doctor asked to be called back as soon as possible. After looking at her watch Scully was aware that it was too late. She would do that tomorrow . Now the only thing she wanted was to take a hot bath. She hoped that the warmth of the water that surrounded her with a scent of vanilla, would deprive her of her headaches, tense muscles and the emerging coughing.  
When she tried to move out of the tub after some time her head thudded. The pressure on her temples felt like her head was exploding. It was definitely time to get some sleep she said to herself.  
Said and done. Her last look at the clock told her that it was already 0:26am and she already had to get up in 6 hours.  
* I wonder what Mulder is doing right now ** Maybe he’s asleep? * Although she had been more or less annoyed the entire week by his theories she missed his proximity, even if that intimacy was interrupted by a connecting door, she missed the feeling of being protected which she got when she knew he was separated only by a blink of the eye.  
Their relationship had been exposed lately to some tension, she was aware of this and they also knew that it was time to talk. There were too many unspoken things. Even if she didn’t like to admit it his outbreak a few weeks ago, in which he yelled straight to her face that she should just go and never come because she didn’t trust him anyway, had left its mark on her soul.  
She didn’t walk away. She had listened to his words and every word sliced slowly through every section of her heart . She had not said anything. She could not. She would have liked to run sobbing out of the room, but she was strong and did not want to show him how much he was able to inflict pain on her by only using his words. The only thing she brought out was a „Okay. Then I’ll now do the autopsy which you appointed me too *  
They had never said a word about his outburst. They pretend it never happened, pushed it to the back of their minds. They were pros at that. Although the tension was still in the air, they tried to work as normal as possible.  
She knew in the depths of her heart, that she didn’t want to be without him. He meant more to her than she wanted to admit. She had to maintain her face. Relationships between partners were forbidden … He was the reason why she wasn’t already sitting in a corner weeping and cursing life. The small friendly banterings, the rare soft touches and many different versions of his smile meant the world to her and let her get up anew every morning and go to work.  
With his warm mischievous smile in mind she finally fell asleep.  
Hoover Building  
8.40am  
He was already sitting at his table for 40 minutes and tried to start writing a report on the last weeks case. Again and again his gaze rambled through the office. Scully was late … She should have been here at 7:30am.  
*I hope she’s okay* *Maybe something happened to her * * Oh stop it! you always worry too much, she said so herself. *Mulder don’t constantly wrap me up in cotton wool, I can look out for myself *  
His thoughts were spinning around in his head. Once it came to Scully, his thinking apparatus tried every possible way to find a suitable theory to what was going on or happening. He wiped his hand over his face and was sure that she just overslept. It had been a long busy week and he remembered her tired but charming smile when he brought her home after running through the forests for an entire week.  
Her mood over the last week, hadn’t remained hidden to him. He was such an idiot. He knew he had groundlessly yelled at her in the previous weeks and he had tried to banish her from his life and from the X-Files. He was glad that she had stayed. But her blue eyes were glazed and shocked at the moment of his outbreak and he had been able to see the damage his words were doing to her. Scully might have her facial expressions under control, yet her eyes betrayed how she felt every time. And what he saw was hurt, horror and disappointment. The worst of all combinations which he wanted to ever see in her eyes.  
He had to apologize, but how?  
Lost in his thoughts, he sat on his chair when he was suddenly pulled back to reality by the ringing of his cell phone.  
„Mulder"  
„Mulder It’s me, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll come in later. I can not say how much later, could you please tell Skinner? “  
„No problem partner, where are you?”  
“I have an appointment with my doctor, Dr. May”  
He knew that Scully was due to check ups regularly, but according to his knowledge, the next check up was to be due in 3 weeks. Immediately a feeling of tension, anxiety and fear overcame him.  
“Scully is everything okay? Has something happened? „He was honestly worried and really wanted to know what was going on.  
“Mulder I’m fine. I’m in the waiting room, my doctor told me to just come here, but I suppose if it would be serious, they wouldn’t let me wait for almost 2 hours now, "she tried to calmly put his worries to rest.  
"Okay Scully, I`ll tell Skinner and then I’ll go all by myself to the meeting in the lion’s den …” he said mischievously.  
“ Thank you. See you later!“  
"Bye Scully see you downstairs later”  
He wasn’t completely reassured, but he was glad she had called and that, as far as he could tell she was okay. Although she always said that. He had learned to pay attention to her tone of voice and her gestures because they mostly disclosed if she lied.

Doctor May’s office  
9.50am  
She was still sitting in the waiting room and she had browsed nearly all magazines. Franticly a physician assistant came running into the waiting room and announced quickly that all dates would be postponed to the next day and that Dr. May had been called to an emergency. The nurse let everyone know that she would call them to confirm the new dates. Annoyed, Scully went to the wardrobe and took her coat.  
Before she left the practice, one of the employees approached her quickly „Dr.May told me to tell you that you should come again tonight, if it is possible for you. Dr. May would be here around 8pm again.“  
Astonished by the late time Scully nodded and confirmed that she would be there.  
Now she wanted to first have a coffee and before she had to tackle a lot of paperwork back in the basement.

Hoover Building  
10.37am  
Arriving in their basement office, Scully immediately noticed that Mulder still had to be in the meeting with Skinner as his jacket wasn’t hanging over his chair. Since she had no desire to get into one of the discussions between Mulder and Skinner, in which they usually discussed Mulder’s maverick methods of investigating,she decided to work on the mountain of sheets and files which were piled up on the table in front of her.  
She grabbed the top file and began to write the reports.

11.22am  
She heard the long steps echoing down the corridor and knew it could only be Mulder. She would recognize his walk among hundreds. He opened the door and when he saw Scully a small smile made its way across his face. Scully gave him a friendly nod paired with a “So you survived the lion’s den by throwing enough meat in front of his face, because he let you escape pretty unscathed as I can see”  
“Scully you know my charm is irresistible” he lasciviously shrugged his eyebrows.  
„Great so you can show me how you reduce the mountain of files with your charm!“  
A deep snort came out of his mouth. With slumped shoulders and listlessly looking over the pile of files he moved to his chair.  
"Scully what did your doctor say?” It unexpectedly came out of him.  
“Nothing”  
“Nothing?”  
“Yes nothing, there was an emergency in between and I got a new appointment. If it would be something important, someone would have told me something and I feel really good. ”  
“Okay if you say so, but then you’re also in the shape to tackle the Mount Everest of files alone as long as I get us two coffees.” He gave her a sly grin and before she could say anything he was already out the door.  
She was glad that this week apparently started without the tensions of the previous ones. She knew the way he was acting today was his way of apologizing and she accepted it.

11.53am  
When she had finished writing her report, a slight pressure on her temples made itself known again. She decided to take an aspirin to spend the day without the headaches and most importantly for her to continue writing up the unfinished reports piling up on her desk. Looking into the mirror as she took her bathroom break she noticed that she was a little pale and that she definitely needed to get more sleep if she did not want her bags under her eyes become mandatory. Back at her desk she took a sip and the pill eagerly waiting for her promised coffee. Caffeine would at least keep her awake as long as she was working on those reports.

11.57am  
Mulder walked with two hot coffees in hand back to the basement. As he stepped into the office, he saw Scully still sitting focused on her files. * She looks pale * he thought.  
“Hey Scully, take a break … Here’s your coffee!”  
“Thanks Mulder thats exactly what I need right now, otherwise I’ll fall asleep”  
“Scully even though I know that you’re okay, you look a little pale, do you need anything? Can I do something? "His worried tone in conjunction with his eyes could radiate such heat that it chased a shiver down her spine and warmed her heart up at the sam time.  
"I don’t think so, I only have a slight headache, but I have already taken a pill. I should probably just sleep a little more, so don’t worry Mulder” She replied reassuringly.  
Mulder, who didn’t let his eyes deviate from hers, nodded satisfied with her answer for the time being. He decided for himself, just to keep an eye on her and if it should get worse then he would send her home. Since there was no case and they were stuck filling out paperwork, it wouldn’t be a problem.

3.15pm  
After quietly sitting side by side and each writing up their own reports, Mulder took scully rumbling stomach for a signal that it was time to take a break and have something to eat.  
Scully ate as usually a salad and drank water while Mulder ordered a pizza. After finishing up they were on their way back to their basement office.  
Mulder was worried because Scully hadn’t really touched much of her salad and had become even paler in his eyes. Even if they had talked about the reports and the rumors going around in the FBI while on their lunch break, Mulder still worried about her pale complexion.  
As both sat back at their desks, Mulder observed Scully as she massaged her temples. Her eyes were closed and her thumb and forefinger travelled along the bridge of her nose. She looked tired and played out. Without making a sound Mulder stood up and walked around the tables and stood behind Scully. She didn’t even register his presence behind her.  
He gently put his hands on her shoulders “Relax Scully” he said softly. He began to massage her neck and felt how tense she was. “You’re pretty tense, how do you do that?”  
“Oh, you know I had this crazy idea the other day to run through the pouring rain through a forest for a couple of days."she countered back at him with a small smile and a raised eyebrow.  
While massaging, he noticed the delicate sheen of sweat on her forehead. Their basement office was well tempered. Now he really began to worry more and more.  
He turned her around in her chair and looked at her with worried eyes. Before she could respond, he placed a gentle hand on her forehead. She was burning up.  
"Scully you have a fever, you belong in bed,” he said demandingly.  
“Mulder, I have already taken something, it just needs some time to unfold its effect, if it should get worse then I’ll go home, deal ?!” She wanted to know from him.  
“Okay deal, but I decide whether it’s worse or not,” he answered back warmly but determined.  
Both focused on their work again.

4.28pm  
Her headaches increased from minute to minute but she really wanted to finish the two reports in front of her. She was aware that Mulder was watching her and had an eye on how and if her condition was changing. She knew she couldn’t afford to show any weakness or loss of control, because as soon as he would see that her condition had deteriorated he would insist on driving her home. That was, after all,the deal. She decided she would just briefly visit the bathroom and take a painkiller.  
Her eyes burned, her head rang and she saw little flashes of light jumping around. Slowly as not to betray her worsening condition Scully thoughtfully rose from her place and walked out into the corridor. Just as she was out in the corridor she grabbed a shelf to hold on to, the sudden emergence of dizziness had almost put her to the ground. Cold sweat adorned her forehead. She now was sure she had captured the flu … Slow and on shaky legs she made it to the ladies room by holding onto the shelves.  
She turned on the faucet and tried to wash away the dizziness and the dancing light flashes with the cool water running through her hands. She knew she couldn’t stay in the ladies room otherwise Mulder would be suspicious regarding her condition.  
After two minutes she left the ladies room and went still a bit shaky back on the way to the office. Before she opened the door she squared her shoulders and straightened her posture. Putting on her professional mask she entered the room and went to her place. Mulder turned to look at her, studying her every move like a hawk.  
Just then when she wanted to sit down, fireworks of lightning began to stretch out before her eyes. The thudding in her temples mutated to an aching roar , whose pressureshe could hardly endure. Without caring about keeping her professional mask in check, Scully raised her hands to her temples. As her upper body leaned forward she quickly stretched one arm out to support herself and to keep from falling down. Mulder who saw that she almost hit the ground, jumped up and raced to her side in no time. Supportingly he wound an arm around her hip and held her firmly against him with his other hand he felt her forehead which seemed to be burning up more than before.  
Carefully, he helped to put her in her chair Scully. Scully who still held her temples, took his help gratefully. Mulder knelt in front of her and looked at her anxiously. Slowly, after a few minutes of waiting, he touched her chin to raise her head and to bring her to look at him.  
Under the pressure of Mulder’s fingers on her chin, Scully rose her head. She saw his worried face, his brown eyes reflected his fear and his concern again.


	2. Chapter 2

part 2 

“Scully are you okay?” He asked gently and stroked over her face.  
“Yes … but could you hand me the water please …”  
After he passed her a glass of water, he looked at her intently.  
“Scully … I would like to take you home now, you have a fever and you do no one good if you faint here!”  
“Mulder really, I just want to finish this report and then I can still go home, I only have a little migraine,” she said a little harsher than she really wanted to.  
“What do you want to prove Scully ?! I mean I can see that you are not all right, why can’t you let me bring you home so you can rest.“ it passed exasperated over his lips.  
"Because it is only a small migraine Mulder. And I’m fine save for a little to less sleep. Damn Mulder I know my limits and I’m old enough to decided for myself when I need to rest! "She hissed through her narrow pressed together lips.  
„Okay Scully do as you think!” Mulder answered resigned. With a disappointed look he turned away and sat back in his seat.  
Why did she always hiss at him like that. She knew he actually was only concerned with her. She also knew he only wanted her to be fine. Why could she not appreciate and accept his concern. Deep inside of her she knew how gladly she would have him care for her. How happy she always was having him nearby. How happy she felt when he touched her. She loved the shiver that only was triggered by his touch.  
Her mind did not allow that.  
She was a doctor. She was a FBI agent. And she could not afford any weaknesses, she had to maintain posture, it was hard enough to get the necessary respect from colleagues therefore showing her weaknesses want an option. On the other hand Mulder was not just a colleague, he was her confidant, her friend and he would never treat her differently if she would show weakness. And most importantly she knew he would never loose his respect for her.  
Nevertheless, she just couldn’t let him in.  
She knew if she would drop her walls, he would eventually see what was really hidden behind it. And she was not willing to show him that, too important for her life was the friendship she had with him, she needed this friendship to be able to exist and she couldn’t sacrifice this for a feeling that maybe just she had buried in her heart.  
Control. Yes, control was her second name. Recollecting herself, she sat up straight and began to continue working. She tried to disable all the stabbing pains in her head. But what hurt almost more had been Mulder resigned look as she rejected him and made it clear to him once again, that she could look out for herself.

6.15pm  
Scully put the report on the out-tray. She had finished her reports as far as it was possible and was now lad to finally be able to call it day. The headache had gone from a roaring thunder into a stinging traction. Her fever hadn’t significantly decreased and she felt limp.  
Wearily, she packed her things together. With a sidelong glance she looked at Mulder who was still sitting over some files and had made no more sound since her refusal.  
“See you tomorrow Mulder, do not stay down here all night,” she said with an apologetic smile as she made her way out.  
He looked up briefly and nodded and answered cooly „see you tomorrow.“  
Underground parking Hoover Building  
Scully went quickly on the way to her car. She wanted to briefly go home to change clothes before she had to go to the practice of Dr. May.  
Her thoughts turned back to Mulder again and again. How hurt and disappointed his face had been and how unfounded she had snapped at him. He only wanted what was best for her. Something had to change, the constant tension resulting in an increasing number of disputes in shortening intervals between them could destroy everything they had so painstakingly built over the years. But wouldn’t it all be destroyed too, if she opened up to him too?! But what if he felt the same. No that couldn’t be, she would have already noticed something. Also she was not Mulder’s type of woman. Mulder’s women were all what she was not. Tall, dark-haired, long-legged and blessed with an ample bosom.

Basement office 6.28pm  
Without her, it was very lonely and empty down here. Although they often quarreled with each other lately he missed her as soon as she no longer was around him. He wanted this week to start better than the last few weeks, but they had argued again. He was only worried and if he was honest, his had greatest fear was losing her. Not to cancer man or a conspiracy but an invisible enemy which he wasn’t able to stand up against. The cancer. Once before he had to face this enemy being almost powerless to do something against it and worst he had to stand back and watch as the emerging darkness spread its shadow over the light of his life and it almost got completely devoured by it. At that time, he had to admit to himself, a life without Scully, wouldn’t be one which he would be willing to lead.  
He hoped that her symptoms today really stemmed from only an influenza, migraine or cold.  
The knock on his door let him snap to attention.  
“ Yes?”  
“Oh hi Agent Mulder, I hoped Agent Scully would still be here?”  
“No I’m sorry Agent Donnell, she is no longer here,” replied Mulder trying to sound professionally.  
“Well, too bad … Then I’ll just put this here on her desk,” he answered politely and gently placed an envelope in the center of Scully’s desk.  
“Have a nice evening Agent Mulder”  
„Thanks you too,“ answered Mulder faux exuberant.  
His eyes were stuck on the envelope. He stared at it and tried to suppress his emerging jealousy. He knew that Scully together with Agent Donnell had been on a medical seminar where they gave lectures. He knew that Agent Donnell had invited Scully afterwards for a meal. She had told him that it had indeed been nice, but it would remain at this one meal, because he simply was not her type.  
Agent Donnell was younger than him, a few inches shorter, he had dark blond hair and blue eyes. He had a toned body and seemed to be in the sun a lot as he had a tanned complexion. So that was not Scully’s type. But what was Scully’s type?  
He didn’t know … he just knew that many men regarded Scully as an attractive woman. What she certainly was, even though she was not tall, her proportions were perfect. He loved her radiant eyes as well as her full lips. He loved her shyness when she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. He loved everything about her and yet he was not able to tell her …  
*I wonder what is in the envelope.* He wished he owned Superman’s X-ray vision … He felt the vibrant jealousy flowing through his veins. *What did this Donnell want from her?* Had they had more dates and Scully had concealed it? A thousand thoughts raced through his head. He didn’t want to lose her to another man. He wanted to be the man in her life.  
Before he knew it he stood before Scully’s desk still staring at the envelope. He took it in his hand turned it around and found that it wasn’t glued. Donnell had the envelope simply folded it. He could open it without Scully ever knowing it.  
But what gave him the right to do so? If he would open it he would abuse her trust and further it really was none of his business what was in her mail.  
But what if there was more going in between the two of them than Scully let on until?!  
He needed to know what was going on, everything else would drive him mad.  
He slowly opened the envelope, anxious to leave no traces. He took the card therein and opened it.  
Donnells Handwriting jumped him right in the eyes:  
Dear Dana,  
I hope your memories of our evening together are as wonderful as mine. For this reason, I would be happy if you gave me the chance to take you out again. You are an impressive as well as beautiful and intelligent woman and as I didn’t know how to reach, you, I thought I would try it this way. I am looking forward to another evening with you. Jason  
* Dana, he calls her Dana. He is asking for another date *  
Confused and numb Mulder pushed the card back into the envelope and closed it again carefully. What was going on between the two? Desperately trying to find an answer in his own head, he already knew that the only one who could provide him with this answer was Scully herself. But did she even want to involve him at all?  
Resigned, he dropped his head in his hands which were propped up on the table.

8.05pm Practice of Doctor May  
Scully sat in the waiting room and whiled she waited she passed her time reading a book. Suddenly the door opened and a slender woman in her mid forties with blond curly hair and an honest and friendly face stepped through it.  
"Good evening Dana, I’m glad you could make it.” Dr. May greeted her with an outstretched hand.  
Scully shook it and smiled. Both women went into one of the 6 treatment rooms which were in the practice.  
“All right, Dana, why I asked you to come by so late in the evening has a reason to it. The last blood sample we had taken showed some irregularities. Some of the values are outside the norm, especially the CRP value of 78mg / dl made me think. "Dr. May handed Scully the report of the blood work, pointing out the already highlighted values to which she meant.  
„As you are a doctor yourself you know it doesn’t mean anything bad, but concerning your medical history I just want to be on the safe side,” said Dr. May with a professionally calm tone towards Scully, who sad rigidly in her chair letting her eyes wander over the report of the blood work.  
“Yes, I understand,” Scully absently replied.  
Dr. May prepared what she would need to draw blood from Scully. As she pushed Scullys sleeve up, Dr.May noticed the heat emanating from Scully’s skin.  
“Dana, you appear to have an elevated temperature.”  
“Yes, I know. I think I caught the flu when I worked on a case last week” Scully reassuringly answered.  
“Okay Dana, then I will prescribe something for you, please take it 3 times daily with meals.”  
Dr. May took two blood samples and then turned back to Scully.  
“I will call as soon as I have the results back Dana. Thank you fro coming over so late. "Dr May smiled kindly.  
„I have to thank you for making the effort to see me so late. I’ll leave you my phone number, I unfortunately can not say at what times I can be reached at home. Goodbye”  
“Goodbye Dana and take the pills!” Dr. May appealed to her.

8.36pm Hoover Building  
Mulder sat in his chair, constantly thinking about Scully and Donnell. *What was between the two. What did this card mean. Felt she more for Donnell as she told him?* … He could not blame Donnell, Scully was a smart, beautiful woman who sometimes tending to acute stubbornness, what he did not mind at all. He grinned inwardly as he sometimes deliberately provoked her to just see your “anger face”. Scully wasn’t aware of the effect she had on him and it was probably jbetter that way.  
Mulder jumped from his chair as his phone rang.  
“Mulder”  
„Mulder, Skinner here. I want you to come up immediately to my office and bring Agent Scully with you. “  
"Sir, Agent Scully is no longer here, but I’ll be there in 2 minutes. What is going on if I may ask? ”  
“We will discuss it as soon as you are up here. See you in two minutes Agent“  
Mulder hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket. Skinner’s voice sounded like it was about a new case. FINALLY. A new case meant he didn’t need to spent another second longer with this mountain of unwanted file reports.

8.42pm Office AD Skinner  
Skinner already expected Mulder in his office. Mulder walked into his office and sat down in a chair. Skinner sat down behind his desk.  
"Well Agent Mulder, I’ve got a request of a unit. It is about 7 kidnapped women. Until now 2 of them were found dead. The other 5 are untraceable. Between the victims there is no known connection, nor was the unit able to create an appropriate offender profile yet.“ Skinner reported as usual.  
"And as I see it that’s where we come in, correct Sir? Scully can do the 2 autopsies on the corpses and I’ll see if I can create a profile. Who runs the investigation? ”  
The knock on Skinner’s office door brought his answer to a pause. Skinner raised his voice „Come in“ and granted the person behind the door to step in.  
* What is she doing here. That can’t be true * Mulder swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at her with incredulous eyes. Judging by his look, one could have been assuming he just got face to face with the devil in person. He was, however, after another glance not sure whether he saw the devil or simply a person who has been misjudged and deserved another chance.  
“Excuse me being late Sir, my flight was delayed and the traffic was a mess” She apologized with a charming smile.  
“No problem, Agent Fowley take a seat please. I just discussed the case with Agent Mulder and he told me to he would do his utmost to assist you. Right Agent Mulder? ”  
Mulder still couldn’t believe that she was here disbelief as he nodded in agreement.  
He could not believe it. She was just gone one day. They had spent a night together with each other and then she was just gone without leaving a word or a note. Why did she turn up right now again?  
Agent Fowley explained the details. The victims were all between 27- 35 years and female. All were active in various professional fields. No victim was connected to another. The culprit was sending the FBI videos on which he was filming how he tortured his victims.  
Identifying the perpetrator was not possible as he presented himself differently in each video. Fowley pushed a cut-together of the videos in the recorder. After Mulder had looked intently at the 35 minutes of video always on the search for the smallest detail on the screen, the recording was over.  
The offender had to have some artistic make up skills as his masks were carefully adjusted to his face and Mulder could see that they were made of a rubber or silicone-like mass. Different wigs completed the game of hide and seek game of the perpetrator.  
The victims were standing upright leaning against a pole. The wrists were fixed hanging from the ceiling with massive chains. The procedure in every of the 4 videos with the 4 victims has always been the same. First he hit his victims repeatedly to unconsciousness. After his need for physical voilence was satisfied he cut the clothes of off his victims and he started to put slightly superficial cuts over their entire bodies. Mulder interpreted these actions, even if no sound was available on the video, as mind games.  
He could clearly see that the perpetrator spoke with the victims before he started every cut. Only when his victims no longer had the strength to stand by themselfs, he fixed them on their backs on the floor. What he then did to his victims was up for speculations because the camera lens was covered so far that the only thing to visible were the face of the victims, but not what he did to them.  
Everyone in the room though was sure it revolved around sexual acts, because the offender showed his obnoxious grin, which was visible even though he was wearing as mask, at the end. The remaining minutes showed various brutalities in which the perp swept over the victims like a hurricane. The lifeless face of the victim at the end of the video was burnt into Mulders brain. They needed to catch this lunatic as fast as possible.  
After Mulder had heard all of the his details Agent Fowley additionally had, Skinner stood up.  
“All right, Agent Mulder, I expect you to brief Agent Scully in the morning and I expect the autopsy reports from Agent Scully as soon as possible. And from you, I expect that you will support Agent Fowleys unit to the best of your knowledge, do you understand Agent Mulder ?! "Skinner asked harshly.  
"Ai Ai Sir, always at your service!” Mulder stood up and saluted breaking the tense atmosphere a bit.  
“Well then I would say have a good evening!” With these words, Skinner dismissed Mulder out of the office.


	3. Chapter 3

8.45pm Scullys apartment  
Scully sat on the sofa and gazed in abstraction out of the window. With her mind still stuck on the elevated CRP values of yher blood work, she wasn't able to absorb what the film running on her TV was about.   
After minutes of reflection, she got up and went to her bookshelf, rummaging through some of her books she pulled out a little book, which was hidden behind the others. It was a small one, bound in black smooth leather and on the cover were the gold initials D.K.S at the right bottom side.  
Scully opened a new page and started to write down all of her thoughts. It was not a conventional diary, for her it was more a book where she could let her feelings and thoughts, fears and inner demons run wild. She had begun after she had her first chemotherapy. Whenever she thought back to this time, the one sentence Penny had said to her came back to her mind. How Penny said that she would be healthy and that she had to keep fighting.  
Actually she wished she wouldn't need this book, she wished she could talk with Mulder about what moved her, what she felt. Maybe he would then understand what was going on inside of her, why she kept her walls so desperately high and up around him. And maybe their quarrels would come to an end if he knew what was going on. A spark of hope in her thoughts told her that maybe he just felt the same. And ythe could already sit together on the sofa and he would protect her against all the monsters in the world.  
Maybe she should just give him the book and just go back home. He could then read it in peace and decide how he wanted to proceed. Or he would think that she was stark raving mad. She didn't know what she should do. Therefore, she decided first of all to continue writing and to get it all off of her soul.

9.12pm underground parking Hoover Building  
After Mulder had left Skinners office, he had gone back to his office to pack his things and go home. Diana had remained at Skinners office to clarify how to proceed with the investigation.  
With his jacket and the bag in his hand, Mulder was on the way to his car. When he stepped out of the door addition into the parking garage, his steps slowed when he saw who was leaning against his car.  
"Fox, what's the matter you look like you've seen a ghost ?! Aren't you happy to see me again? "  
Slowly, he walked on to his car and stopped a few feet in front of.  
"What are you doing here Diana? And above all, where were you all this time ?! "he demanded angrily.  
She gently put her hand on his forearm, "Fox, I couldn't t tell where I was going at the time, I was called to join a undercover operation and wasn't allowed to say something. I'm sorry, Fox. All through my time away from you I thought about you and our night „ she replied with a singed voice of which she knew had a special effect on him.  
"Fox, let's get something to eat and I'll explain everything, I have nothing to hide from you," she smiled at him and touched his hand. When he didn't respond she squeezed his hand gently but firmly.  
Mulder nodded, loaded her suitcase in his trunk and got in. He wanted to know where she had been. He wanted an explanation. They drove to an Italian restaurant near his apartment. Once there, they sat down at a table, chose lasagne and each ordered a glass of red wine.  
After Diana had explained to him where she had been and what she had done, Mulder asked for the bill. Her explanations sounded plausible, so why shouldn't he give her the benefit of the doubt?! He knew that Scully had never trusted her and he was cognizant of the look she would have on her face if she saw him and Diana in this cosy togetherness sitting inside an italian restaurant. What was she up to at the moment? ... She was probably taking a bath or was already in bed.  
"Fox, what are you thinking about?" Diana asked boring him away from hi thoughts.  
"I'm sorry I was just thinking about the case." He lied.  
After paying the bill, they left the restaurant walking towards his car.  
„At what hotel should I drop you off?" Mulder wanted to know from her.  
"To be honest Fox, I didn't have the time to book one, but I think you can drop me off at the closest Motel, I’m sure they'll have a room left.“ she said casually.  
She knew that Mulder would never drop a woman off in the dark at a Motel without having a room. Mulder looked at her and she held his gaze. She puckered her mouth up into a smile and said „Don’t worry I carry a gun, Fox!" Her eyes flew over his face and she gave his body the once over. He didn't miss that she undressing him with her eyes. He was flattered, it gave him the confirmation, that he was still attractive to her. He couldn't define the sudden tension which was laying in the air.  
"You're welcome to stay with me and then go looking for a room tomorrow, I'll take the couch, then at least you aren't in need to make use of that weapon of yours.“  
"Thank you Fox." Her eyes signaled that tonight again would be a night anything was possible. He just had to make up his mind and decide what he wanted, and what he did not. The ball was in his court. He decided to drive dodging her eyes, he had to keep a clear head. She had left him, she had deceived him, she had betrayed him, she had given him a sense of security, she believed his theories unconditionally, she had lied to him ... And what about Scully he loved her, or did he just believe he did? Did he just want to have control over her, was it just his fear to be completely left alone which made him jealous while reading Donnells card today? He wasn't sure. At home, first thing he needed to do was taking a cold shower because that would maybe help him to clear his mind. The only thing coming to his mind right now was the story of Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit….

10.02pm Scullys apartment  
She closed the little book and let it sink down in her lap. It wasn't too late to go over to Mulder. She knew if she wanted to give it to Mukder she had to do it now, before she once again was losing her courage.  
She put the book on the coffee table and went into her bedroom to change clothes. She easily slipped into a pair of jeans and pulled a green sweater with a V-neck over her head. She felt comfortable in these clothes. On the way out of her door she grabbed the book and tied a leather strap around it. She would do it. It was now or never. Once again, breathing away all her nagging doubts of her actions and she ran towards her car.

10.13pm Mulders apartement  
Mulder carried Diana's suitcase into his apartment, he put it down next to the couch in front of his bedroom door.  
"I'll take a shower quickly, you can make yourself at home, you know where you can find everything, it hasn't changed much as you can see," Mulder said clumsily.  
"Thank you Fox, I will go change then, see you in a minute.“ Her voice really let him have no more doubts about what she really wanted when she came home with him.  
Her eyes, her gestures and facial expressions, all led to that seductive tension crackling in the air. And damn it, he was just a man with needs too. With needs which for far too long were unsatisfied...  
But there was this one factor involved which held him back from banging some chick he could pick up at any bar. And this little factor was the red-haired whirlwind called Scully who occupied this special place in his heart.  
He shook his head briefly to shake off all thoughts and made his way to the bathroom.  
Diana had put on her black satin negligee. She was conscious of the effect it would have. If she knew one thing, it was that black satin lingerie had exactly the effect on Mulder she needed it to have to take him to her bed tonight.  
She heard the shower as she stood in the kitchen and got a glass of water. Shortly afterwards she heard the pattering of water stop and the door of the shower stall seemed to open and close again. To make sure that everything was perfect, she lit some candles which were in the kitchen and threw a quick look in the mirror behind her in the corridor. Perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

10.28pm Mulders apartement   
Mulder walked with the towel around his waist into the kitchen. What he saw there, made him freeze in mid-stride. Diana was standing in his kitchen wearing a hint of nothing merely coated by dim light of the candles. The lump in his throat seemed to grow with each second. He stared at her speechless for a few ...  
Just as he seemed to have found his tongue again, there was a knock on his door. Diana who was only an arm's length away from the door opened it bluntly.

10.29 Hallway of Mulders apartment  
Bewildered Scully looked at the picture the opened door offered her. She needed a few seconds to sort the images in her head out. Mulder. Fowley. Satin negligee. Candlelight. Mulder with only a towel around his waist.  
She wanted to run away crying and screaming. Out of sheer shock she let the book which she held in her hands fall to the floor.  
"I'm sorry ... I.. I didn't know that… I suppose I better should have called. I did not ... I didn't want to disturb you, both of you.“she hurried to say. She hated that she wasn't able be composed and to take it professionally.  
"Scully, it's not what you think" Mulder threw in hectically. He went a step towards her, bending down to pick the book up from the ground. He knew this book. Why did she bring it with her, what did that mean. Scully interrupted his thoughts by taking it out of his hand and holding it behind her back.  
" It's okay. I should have called before coming over. Agent Fowley, Mulder, have a nice evening.“ She said with her recovered mask of control back in place. Mulder hated that mask. He could see in her eyes that she didn't understand the world anymore. He not only saw that but also how hurt her look was, how aghast her eyes were and how her eyes curved over the scene before her. He hated it when those beloved fiery blue eyes lost all their gleam and became dull expressionless walls. But what else should she have thought Diana in lingerie, he with a towel around his waist, candlelight ... He was such an idiot. Of course, Scully would now think she had disturbed the two having in a small interlude, while it was her Mulder wanted and not Diana. He knew Diana indeed was able to press the right buttons with him, but his heart was strengthened and absolutely sure that there was only the One him. Scully. Against it, Diana could do what she wanted, he knew Scully was the person in his life, on whom he could always count, who had never left him, no matter what kind of self-righteous asshole he could be sometimes. And now that...  
Scully turned on her heel and walked briskly towards the elevator.  
„Scully, wait! I want to talk to you ... ... Sculllyyy." Mulder begged with a desperate voice.  
Scully could not and did not turn around. She was barely able to keep back her tears. 1000 questions were circulating in her head. Again, she began to see glistening flashes before her eyes. Not now, that was the last thing she could use now. She had to get out of here as soon as possible. Impatiently she repeatedly pressed the button to the elevator.

Mulder ran frantically into his bedroom, pulled on a boxer and grabbed a pair of jeans that he threw on while he ran after Scully.  
Scully stood waiting in front of the elevator, one of her hands was leaning on the side of the elevator wall. *Just a little longer, don't collapse now* Scully was thinking.  
"Scully wait for me ..." Mulder was only a few steps away from her. Scully decided simply not to respond. Again and again she pressed the button of the lift when she suddenly felt Mulder's hand on her shoulder. The slight pressure of his hand was supposed to encourage her to turn to face him. Scully withstood the pressure of Mulder's hand.  
"Scully, please let's talk."  
She could guess from his voice that he meant it, but she didn't want to hear any explanations after what she had seen. Further it wasn't her business who Mulder decided to bring home. Mulders hand was still placed gently on her shoulder and he stepped a little closer to her. This was too much for her.  
"Mulder, get your hand off me. And don't touch me. You can do what you like with whom you like. I should have called, that's all. And now I will go home. See you. Good night.“ Her voice was marked by indifference, freezing cold and hurt. These emotions sent a shiver down his back. He knew Scully too well and he knew what would blossom till tomorrow if he couldn't take care of the issue today. She would only talk to him if it was really necessary, he would only get yes or no answers, she would silently do her job and she would leave the office on tim without another word. The worst would be that she would built up endless high walls around her soul which he would see in her eyes.  
The elevator door opened and Scully stepped inside. Without hesitation, barefoot and wearing only his jeans Mulder jumped in as well.  
"Mulder what are you doing? I said see you tomorrow!“ She hissed, without deigning a glance at him. She stood starring at the elevator door and made no attempt to turn even one centimeter in Mulder direction.  
"Scully, is was not what it looked like. Diana hadn't had the time to book a hotel room and so I offered her to stay for the night.She’ll look for a room tomorrow, and… "  
"Mulder STOP! All that doesn't concern me and it is certainly none of my business. I'm going home now and I'll see you tomorrow. I don't want to talk about it. Your private life is YOUR private life. GOODNIGHT MULDER! "She interrupted him with a penetrating and peremptory voice.  
The elevator door opened and she walked quickly out off it. It had begun to rain in torrents. *What the heck* Scully thought *It matches the rest of the evening.*  
Mulder stood at the front door of his complex and did not quite know what to do now. Should he accept her will or was it time to force a reaction out of her?  
He ran out into the rain, past her and stood in front of her car door to block her escape. He wanted to clear it with her. He would not let her run away, he wanted that they faced the misunderstanding. And he wanted to know what the reason behind her visit was. He knew Scully, she didn't spontaneously visit him that often, but if she did, it was usually something important, something that beard down on her.  
„Mulder, go away. Let me enter my car "She pointed at her car. To protect the book from the rain she had stuck it under her sweater.  
"No, you will talk to me and we will clear it all NOW !!" He crossed his arms over his chest and stopped.  
"Get out of my way, there is NOTHING to talk about. The only thing that will happen is that you'll catch your death if you continue to stand half naked out here in the rain. "she answered back angrily. Despite her emotional chaos, she took in his well-trained torso, not that it was the first time she saw his chest, but to see Mulder shirtless in the rain was a rare sight. Rainwater ran down his strong upper arms across his chest muscles, Scully found it hard not to stare at him. The drops glistened down from his nose and his lips. She loved those lips. Why was he so damn good looking....  
His gruff voice snapped her out of her thoughts"Scully why can’t you just talk it out with rather than running away every time? Just be honest with yourself and me and give me the chance to explain what it was that you saw back there! "  
He had to control himself from removing a wet strand go hair from her face. She looked enchanting, even or especially because she soaked standing in the rain with him. But he knew he wasn't allowed to get close to her at the moment, not while she was angry anyway.  
"Ok, because I don't want to talk and you are not moving from the spot, I'll just walk home. See you tomorrow! "She replied irritably, pressing her car keys in his hands with the words" Oh, and bring my car with you to the office tomorrow. I’ll get a taxi ....! "She turned away from him and began walking home.  
Mulder remained at her car door looking after her. She couldn't be serious, walking the long way home in this weather. Well, he knew how stubborn she could be, and once she had made up her mind it was hard to persuade her to do it any other way. The thought made a smile spread over his face. He loved her impulsive nature. He decided to wait, because he was pretty sure, considering the weather that she would return. Since her phone was in the car, she was not able to call a taxi in the area. But when he was still standing in the cold after 10 minutes, he became aware that Scully perseverance had won out over common sense.  
He went back to his apartment, toweled off and slipped into fresh clothes. Without a word to Diana he laid down on his couch and turned on the TV. Diana had noticed his resentment, and thought it was better to leave him alone for the moment. She knew that she would otherwise squander all her cards with him and that wasn't an option for her.

 

00.18am Scullys apartment  
Rain drops marking her face, frozen, shivering and furious Scully finally arrived on her doorstep. She dug out her house keys and closed the door behind her. She flung the book, which had remained virtually dry, in the direction of her sofa. A warm shower was what she desperately needed now in order to regain some warmth in her limbs.  
After she had thrown herself in her pajamas and snuggled under her blanket, the images of Mulder and Fowley ran repeatedly behind her closed eyelids before. How could he. That woman was a snake, a devious bitch and not good for Mulder. She cursed herself for driving to him unannounced. She really thought that there was more between them, but obviously she was wrong about that, they were nothing more than friends and co-workers. Mulder seemed to stick with his type of woman, how could she believe for even one-second that there was something more, where had her brain been. Unbeknownst to her tears rolled down cheeks, leaving the only visible traces of her sad soul on her face. She closed her eyes again trying to sleep and regaining the power to be able to stand face to face with Mulder.

6.25am Mulders apartement  
He rolled around back and forth for nearly an hour now, unable to find sleep. The whole evening spun around in his head. He had seen Scully sad before, he had seen her mad, but this time it was different. She apparently wanted to talk to him and she had brought her book which was emphasizing the importance of her visit. He knew that she had continued to write in this book, he had once seen it lying on the coffee table and had recognized it. Scully's empty and at the same time cold eyes yesterday, haunted him. The wall she would create around her now, would be higher than ever before. It had cost him plenty of time to gain her trust and to tear those walls down piece by piece. He was aware that this evening had ruined everything and that she would rebuild her wall of self-protection again.  
He got up from his bed, threw himself in his Armani suit, which he had brought from his bedroom earlier that evening. He skipped breakfast, because he was not hungry. He grabbed his house keys and a piece of paper to write a note to Diana, who apparently was still asleep  
"I am already in the office, take my car. Mulder „ leaving the note on the kitchen table, he put his car keys on the sheet of paper and left his apartment. He got into Scully's car, adjusted the seat back and strapped himself in. He looked at Scully's cell phone, 7 missed calls were flashing on the phones display. Who is trying to reach her?! He started the car and made his way to the Hoover Building.

6.55am Scullys apartment  
She opened her eyes and felt sick. No, to be honest she felt miserable. She had repeatedly woken up and then had difficulties to fall sleep again. She decided to take a cold shower and with the right makeup she would be able to cover up the signs of the night.  
The look in the mirror told her today it would probably take a little longer to cover everything up. Her eyes were decorated with black eye rims, her skin was pale and she felt crappy, crappy yes was the right word for her state.  
After she had made herself ready she wanted to put her phone in her pocket before she realized that she left it in her car and her car was at Mulders apartment. She called a cab but before she went downstairs she checked her appearance in the mirror again.  
She was wearing high heels, as always, a tight cut skirt, who was not, like her usual skirts covering her knees. This skirt stopped above the knee. Her subconscious probably wanted revenge and she wanted to feel appreciated as a woman because she normally preferred skirts that didn't show too much.  
With her black skirt she combined an emerald green blouse and, and like the slim-fitting skirt she swore a waisted matching blazer. Her hair was perfectly coiffed and the traces of the past hours had disappeared under the makeup. She was ready. She straightened her posture and left her apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

7.40am Basement office  
Mulder had been sitting around in his chair for more than 20 minutes and looked impatiently at the door, glancing again at his watch. She was late…10 minutes. He hoped she would come in today at all, he was not sure if she would just take one of her many vacation days.They both had more than enough vacation days to burn. Nevertheless, he hoped she would come. At the same moment he saw Donnells letter sitting on her desk. And he felt the resurgence of jealousy pulsating in his limbs.  
The turning of the door knob, brought his attention back to the door. As it opened, he was disappointed.  
"Good Morning Fox"  
"Morning" was his reserved reply.  
"I just wanted to give you your car keys back." Diana said friendly stepping further towards him. Mulder got up from his chair and stretched out his hand to receive his keys back.  
"Thank you" was all Mulder brought over his lips.  
Diana stood close to him, putting her hand on his arm, looking him hard in the eye.  
"Fox, I'm sorry, I just thought we might catch up where we had left off ..." she conjured him. To emphasize her desire she slid her hand down his arm and covered his hand with her own.  
"Diana, things have changed..."  
„Fox, for me you are still the same and my feelings for you are the same ..."  
She leaned forward, Mulder stood frozen, not sure how to react. Her lips came close to his, until they finally culminated in a kiss. This kiss didn't feel right to him. He felt only one thing and that was a bad conscience. He had no feelings left for Diana, there never would be a relationship again.  
„I’m sorry, I..I just need a few files and ... and I wanted to get my car keys ... But I can do that later, see you ..." a shocked Scully disappeared out of the office without Mulder even having a chance to respond. Scully had a talent for the wrong timing, Mulder thought at that moment. He pushed Diana away from him and looked at her with foaming rage in his eyes.  
"Diana, I said things are different now, and one of them is that there will be no us and no new beginning. There will be absolutely no more US. So please stop this games.“ Her impish and mischievous grin hadn't escaped his eyes when Scully came into the office. After last night this were 30 more seconds that had caused damage to his relationship with Scully. He had to find her.

8.05am Somewhere in Washington DC  
She walked as fast as she could out of the office and when she had left the Hoover building she began to run. She did not know where to go, she only ran. Away from Mulder and Fowley, away from it all, but above all she ran to forget her pain, her disappointment and to suppress her grief. She had to get away, just far away. She needed time to collect herself, to get a clear head. She finally stood in a small park surrounded by dense bushes and trees.  
She already knew this park, she had been here often when she wanted to think and clear her mind. She was probably running over here unconsciously, because she knew she could retreat here unnoticed.  
She sat down on a couple of large boulders and let her tired and exhausted head fall into her hands. This all had to be a joke, all of what was happening had to be a nightmare from which she would hopefully awaken soon.

At the same time in the basement office  
Diana was sulking because of his words when she left his office. Just as he wanted to phone Skinner to let him know that he would briefly be away for an appointment, the phone rang.  
"Mulder"  
"Excuse me, I'm looking for Dana Scully, I'm Dr. May" the friendly voice said from over the line.  
"Agent Scully is not back in the office, I can do something for you?" Mulder wanted to know.  
"No thanks, I would however ask you to tell Dana to call me back as quick as possible. I’m trying to reach her since yesterday and it is important that I speak with her."  
„Is Scully sick? I .. I mean her next check isn't due for the next 3 weeks.“ The worry in his voice was audible to everyone.  
"Look Mr. Mulder, I am not able to give you any information about it. But I would not call if it would not be important, so please pass this message on to Dana. "  
"Of course, I'll tell her."  
"Thank you, goodbye" Dr May said and hung up.  
Mulder felt even worse now. Was that the reason behind her late night visit yesterday because she was sick again? Did she need his help? Was she bowing to his wish of not shutting him out? He had screwed up big time. He had to find her. And he knew there were not many places where she would go to shut herself away. He needed canvass those places. He put his cell phone as well as Scullys in his pockets and got out of the office to search for her.

8.34am at the park  
Scully sat unchanged in the same position on the stone and didn't take notice of the environment around her. She was too busy with her inner demons. She did not notice the tall figure moving with long steps in her direction. Startled, she jumped up as an arm snuggled around her shoulders.  
Mulder sat down beside her and gently put an arm around her shoulders.  
"Dammit Mulder, what are you doing ?! Want to scare me to death??? !!! "she exclaimed loudly.  
"Scully I was looking for you and I called your name but you weren't responding ... Sorry I did not mean to scare you ... ... Scully talk to me," his voice sounded worried and desperate.  
"Mulder, I have nothing to say, I do not know what there is to talk about" there again, was her mask of control. She rose from her place and freed herself from Mulders arm.  
"Scully why did you come over yesterday?" Mulder pointed out quietly.  
"I wanted to go through the reports with you" she lied unconvincingly.  
"Scully, that's bullshit, you know it and I know it, so what is it that you have to lie to me now ..." his voice flew at her with a hint of anger. Anger directed at himself and anger that she was lying and not particularly good too.  
"Forget it, Mulder, just give me my car keys, I need my phone" she evaded him.  
Mulder had completely forgot that Dr. May had tried to reach Scully. He reached into his jacket pocket and gave her the mobile phone.  
"Dr. May has called the office, she could not reach you, she instructed me to tell you that she is waiting for you call because she wants to discuss something important with you... Scully, I just want an honest answer to my next question, only honesty ... Are you ill again? "she could hear his honest concern for her, recognizing the fear in his eyes and knew that he was thinking back to the time where she had wrestled with the cancer over life and death. This time had also left him with scars on his soul.  
"I'm fine, I did not get a positive report," she said quietly. He saw that this answer was honest. But he also saw that she was paler than usual and had lost some weight. One reason for that were probably because of the recent busy weeks. He hoped that her compulsory „‚I’m fine" was at least to some extent true.  
„Do you want to strike roots here or come back to the office with me?" Scully tore him brusquely from his thoughts. They had gone a few steps making their way back to the office.  
"Scully I got the car parked on the other side, so no reason to walk back" he replied, grinning. When they began walking to his car, he noticed how fantastic she looked.  
The emerald green blouse fit nicely with her blazer and the tight skirt, which she wore. Her entire Oufit underlined her perfect and petite figure. He had noticed that her skirt was shorter than what she normally wore.  
„Did you dug out your summer clothes already?" He asked mischievously.  
"Mulder, what do you mean? I wear what I always wear. " She returned confused.  
Mulder looked up her skirt, now it dawned on Scully what he meant by his statement.  
„What is it with you men that you don't notice a new hairstyle but woe if the to the rock is even 1 inch shorter. That you don't miss. "  
„Well, Scully it is probably about the selective perception of the male brain, science should probably go take a closer look at that phenomenon", he replied with a wink. He was glad that at least for the moment, the tension was gone.  
They got in and drove back to the Hoover Building.  
The closer they got, the more the previous tension returned back to Scully. Mulder felt it too. She hardly made a sound and was staring out the window.

Once back in the office Scully was glad that Fowley was no longer visible. She looked at her cell phone and she remembered that she had to call Dr. May. She walked over to her desk. What was that?  
"Mulder is this yours?" She asked holding the envelope in the air.  
„No." Was all he said.  
She sat down in her chair, played briefly with the envelope between her fingers before she opened it.  
She did not immediately recognize the handwriting, it was revealed after she had read a few lines.

It was Jasons. Somehow it did feel good to read his words, even if she had no serious interest in Jason, it felt good to be courted by a man. Mulder noticed the slight smile that had unfolded on her face.  
Should she call Jason back, it was indeed a nice gesture of him and it would be rude to ignore it. On the other hand, she didn't want to get his hopes up for something that she knew she could never give to him. Because her heart had already an owner. She should at least thank him,, everything else she would decide spontaneously.  
She reached to for her cell phone and dialed Jason's number.  
Mulder tried not to stare too conspicuously, he faked being interested in reading a file, in order not to show Scully how curious and excited he was trying to listen and to catch something usable from her conversation. But all he heard was that she thanked him and a few yesses and no’s. At least he now knew that she hadn’t called Dr. May yet.  
Nevertheless, he decided simply to ask bluntly.  
"And Scully, what does your doctor say?"  
"I haven't spoken with Dr. May Mulder but thank you for reminding me," she retorted with a smile. She knew he was curious, but she didnt want to get in a conversation about Jason with him. There was nothing worth to tell anyway, because she had just thanked and promised him to call if she ever wanted to go out.  
"Hello Dr. May it’s Dana, excuse me for calling back so late, I did not have my phone with me"  
"No problem Dana, I got your results, you are not okay. Your CRP levels are still above the normal values at 91 mg / dl, besides the values of myoglobin, troponin T and CK-MB are also significantly outside the reference ranges. Dana, did you have a flu or other ailments in the last time? "Dr. Maywanted to know sounding concerned.  
"To be honest, I had a little headache, was a little tired and had a little cough, nothing big." She replied thoughtfully, looking through her memory as to whether she had forgotten something. Mulder heard her call and paid attention to it. Hearing her list of recent complaints, he wanted tear the phone from her hand and to tell Dr. May that Scully had understated her condition massively.  
He hated it when she played the strong, while, in his opinion, she didn't take her health seriously enough.  
"Well Dana, I think, because you are a doctor, you know what I suspect, and to verify this assumption, I would ask you right away to come by my practice to make sure whether it is an acute myocarditis or not , I expect you Dana. "Dr. May’s voice didn't leave any place for a discussion.  
"Okay, I'll talk to my superiors to clarify this, Thank you Dr. May," answered Scully beaten.  
"Until later Dana" Dr. May returned reassured and hung up.  
Before Scully had hung up properly and Mulder had the time to ask his questions, Skinner burst into their office.  
"Agents we have a new body, I want to see you both immediately in my office, Agent Fowley and her unit are already there." It came demandingly from Skinner.  
"Sir, could I have a word?" Scully wanted to know hesitantly. Mulder recognized the short gnawing on her lower lip that gave away her little discomfort.  
„Can’t it wait Agent Scully?" Skinner wanted to know looking stressed.  
"No sir, I would like to immediately discuss this matter with you," she answered as professionally as possible in order not to reveal her concerns she had about the bad bloodwork.  
Skinner knew Scully well enough to know that her request meant she wanted to talk to him in private.  
„Mulder, you can go up already and do what you can do to fix this insane thing.“ Skinner directed him out of the office with enough authority in his voice that even Mulder didn't dare to talk back.  
Mulder, who would have preferred to be there when she talked to Skinner, knew that sometimes it was better not to oppose Skinner's instructions. He planned to ask her just afterwards when she and Skinner joined them upstairs. This conversation would certainly not take more than a few minutes and he could wait that long. Mulder was on the way up, Skinner closed the door behind him and stood in front of Scully in the small basement office, waiting for her to tell him what was going on.  
"Well Agent Scully, what is it?" He asked concerned.   
"Sir, I know that these investigations are important and catching the murderer is the highest priority tight now and Sir believe me when I say I would not ask for it if it would not be important too, but I need the next few hours off." Unsure of what her Boss was thinking of her request, coming at the most inconvenient time during the investigation of the case, she looked at the floor.  
"And you want to tell me Agent Scully, what's so important?" He asked patiently.  
"Sir, I have received a call from my doctor and she wanted to see me because my blood work and the increased values on it. So she told me that I should immediately come to see her to check this out properly. Sir, if it is not possible, then …“ Skinner raised his hand to stop her in mid-sentence. He interrupted her with a worried smile: „Agent Scully, the health of my agents is paramount and you are of no help if you are not feeling well. The hours are approved. Keep me up to date and let me know when I can expect you back in the office. "  
"Thank you sir" Scully smiled relieved .  
Skinner said goodbye and went up into the conference room where he was awaited. Scully grabbed her stuff and got on the way to her doctor.

11.50am  
Skinner opened the door and looked through the horde of agents clutter, other phoned frantically and others exchanged files back and forth. Only one agent seemed apparently undeterred by the bustle in this room.  
Mulder sat hunched over photos and files in a corner and the only thing that moved were his eyes, which soaked up the information, investigated the photos in search of undiscovered details and were anxious to connect the dots to decipher the secret to solve this case . Only when he realized that someone was moving in on him, he looked up and he saw Skinner, but where was Scully?  
"Sir, where is Agent Scully? I wanted to discuss something with her, "he asked bluntly, irritated by Scullys absence.  
"Agent Mulder, Agent Scully will join us as soon as she is back in the office." He gave back neutral. He knew Scully had spoken with him alone, because she didn't want him involved. Although Skinner could not understand why she acted that way, he respected her decisions.  
„How come? Where is she?"  
"Agent Mulder, what did you want to discuss with her?" Countered Skinner.  
"Nothing Sir. It can wait. "He gave back sheepishly.  
Agent Fowley came into the room and instructed everybody to take a seat to analyze and review the new results and the latest developments in the Joker-case, as the Agents had labeled it. As Skinner heard how the agents called the case, he looked questioningly into Mulder's direction. He briefly explained to him that the Joker like the one in Batman, hid himself behind various masks and loved to play mind games with his victims as well. Moreover, the first mask in the video evidence had been very similar to the face of the Joker in the movie.  
Skinner nodded and listend to the statements of Agent Fowley.  
"Victim number 1" She began "Amy Watson, 27, a veterinary nurse, born in Summit, New Jersey, living in Baltimore for 8 months."  
While she continued, the copies of the victims data were passed through the ranks. The information about the other victims were listed one after another.  
Victim 2, Cathy Darton, 30, internist at Lincoln Hospital, who was born in Richmond, Virginia, resident in Bethesda for 3 years.  
Victim 3, Debbie Mc Durmack, 29, technical director of the research department Cougirs Biotechnology, born in Greensboro, North Carolina, living in Columbus, Ohio for 14 months.  
Victims 4, Sara Hunter, 31, a medical journalist, freelancer, born in Brooklyn, New York, residing in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for 4 years.  
Victims 5, Melissa Sanders, 26, a student at the University of Maryland, who was born in Detroit, Michigan. Resident at Baltimore for 17 months.  
Victim 6, Anna Da Silva, 27, a kindergarden teacher, born in Valencia, Spain. Resident at Norfolk, Virginia.  
Victims 7, Rachel Jefferson, 28, a computer scientist, born in Warwick, Connecticut, resident in Altoona, Pennsylvania.  
"And our latest victim's victim number 8 Trish Parker, 26, a student, was born and lived in Columbia, Maryland. She was found on a highway yesterday. Her injuries match those of the other two victims.“ Diana continued with the information: „All the women were reported missing by family members or friends within the last 6 weeks, between the women there are no connections, privately or professionally. So far there is still no solid evidence regarding the scheme of the perpetrator choosing his victims.The only thing we know so far is that all the victims were aged 26-31 years and led a normal inconspicuous life. And because that is not a lot, I want everybody to get back to work and find whatever there is. If something comes up I want be informed immediately.“ She ordered with a strict authoritarian voice and penetrating eyes.  
"Can anyone give me the complete files to all of the victims?" Mulder asked impatiently into the room.  
There had to be a connection and he was sure they had simply overlooked it so far. He could feel it, as he always knew intuitively if he was on the right track or not. Due to the process of creating profiles, he had found out that his intuition was right most of the times.  
And he knew that the perpetrator must have had a personal relationship with the victims.  
The way he tortured, held them down and how he enjoyed it, pointed out that there was a connection. The autopsies revealed that the victims had died of their injuries and the associated blood loss. It was also clear that the torture lasted between 7-12 days. The duration could be detected due to the various bruising and hematoma.

5.45pm Conference room 301  
Mulder sat ceaselessly and munching on his sunflower seeds over the files he had requested. He was sure if he just studied the documents long and accurate enough we would be able to find the common denominator of the victims.  
A glance at his watch told him that he had brooded over the files for more than 5 hours. Wearily, he rubbed his fingers around his eyes. If he wanted to work even further, he needed coffee, a lot of coffee because it would be a long night.  
After he had brought a large cup of coffee, he rummaged in his jacket for his cell phone. No calls. Maybe Scully had gone directly to the pathology division to minimize her losing more time and to push the investigation forward by getting results out of her autopsies. He decided to drink his coffee and letting the caffeine do its work to bring his tired mind back up to speed.  
Irritated by the hand on his shoulder, he looked up.  
"And Fox, are you getting somewhere?" Diana asked caressing his neck.  
"Yes, and I would also like to continue with my profile and therefore would appreciate it if you wouldn't disturb me," he replied cynically. He had no desire to start more rumors which could already be triggered by such trifles. It had happened enough already and he didn't want that Scully was locking her feelings away safely because then it probably would be easier to break into Fort Knox than to get her to open up again.  
What was she doing right now? She probably hadn't eaten anything today and maybe it was a good opportunity to invite her to dinner this evening. He could also use a little food in his stomach, because the rumbling that slowly spread in his stomach, would not be satisfied by the sunflower seeds only. He just decided to call and inquire where she was. He grabbed his cell phone and pressed the speed dial 1 under which Scullys number stored. It rang an eternity and no one picked up. He knew her so well that he was sure if she would be doing an autopsy her phone would be turned of and he would get her voicemail.  
But then she normally let him know previously so he wouldn't worry. He had never asked her to do this, he never wanted to control her, it was just that she knew him and knew his worries and fears. And so they had established certain rules of behavior, manifested by their unspoken communication of the eyes, without ever actually talking about them.  
It had never been necessary to define these things by a detailed discussion.  
He tried again. Nobody answered. An oppressive cold spread through his veins up to the tips of his fingers. He hated this feeling. It was this feeling that told him there was something wrong, and often enough already it had been correct. Ignoring this feeling wasn't a possiblity. It would only disappear if he was sure she was okay.  
After trying to reach her another 4 times on her cell phone, at home and even Skinner couldn't tell him where she was he decided to call Scully's mother. By God, he hated to call her like this. Not that he did not like Maggie, but he hated to call her to inquire about Scully's whereabouts. It was simply his fear to hear the pain that he had heard more than once in her voice when he had made such a call. But he had to call her, he wouldn't find any peace as long as he didn't know that she was okay and maybe she really was with her mother.  
After a few rings Maggie answered the phone and Mulder knew after hearing her marveled "Hello Fox" that Scully was not with her. There it was again, the fearful pain and concern of a mother who had lost a daughter on his path, even though Maggie always tried to be optimistic, she knew about the hidden dangers of the job her daughter and that Scully had looked in the all-devouring darkness more times than she was able to feel the pulsating life in her veins.  
Like in the past, Mulder was aware that he had to promise Maggie to come forward as soon as he heard something from Scully. He promised so again this time. And he hoped like after every of those calls that it would be the last time he had to do it.

6.30pm  
The cold thrill that had spread through his body had evolved into a thunderstorm. His entire body as well as mind, were under strain. Where was she? Why didn't she answer her phone? That was not her style ...  
Again he reached for his cell phone, his fingers pressed in the usual manner. It rang for an endless long second, every ringing tone seemed to him like a slowed down heart beat in a loop of infinity. Just as he was about to hang up, he heard a voice.  
" Yes"  
" Who's there?"  
"This is James Dawson"  
James Dawson, somewhere Mulder had heard that name before ...  
"Where did you get this phone and especially who are you?"  
"This phone is belongs to an employee, but before I can give you further information I would like to know with whom am I speaking?"  
"Fox Mulder, and this phone belongs to my partner, and if you do not mind, I'd like to know to whom am I speaking too!" It came impatient but firmly over his lips.  
"Ahh Agent Mulder, you should have told me immediately, your partner is here in the Infirmary. I heard the phone vibrating in the jacket pocket of Agent Scully just a second ago. I wanted to notify your supervisor in the next 10 minutes anyway. „Furthermore," he continued,"although Agent Scully said I shouldn't worry anyone, I think you should talk some sense in her. We are on the 1st floor Room 101. "  
"Okay, I'm on my way." Mulder hung up and went on his way. Talking sense into Scully?!  
This was not a daily task but rather a life’s work. And if he ever would be able to tame her stubborn nature, he wasn't sure of. Not that he didn't love her stubbornness and was attracted to it too, but the terms stubbornness and bad health in association with Scully, left him with a bad aftertaste.

Thus, he settled in for the fight with the Tornado Scully, knowing he would most certainly lose.  
Mulder tapped impatiently on the door 101, relocating his weight from one leg to the other, waiting for someone to open the door for him.  
James let him come into the room, his Scully radar detected instantly the covered person who lay motionless on the right side of the room on a stretcher instantly. James briefly explained that another agent had called him, as Agent Scully fainted around 12 o'clock while walking out of the elevators. They had brought her to the Infirmary and after she had regained complete awareness after about 10 minutes, she had instructed us to not call anyone, because she was fine. However, when she tried to get up, she had fallen back on the couch with dizziness, shortness of breath and headache symptoms. She wanted to just relax one more moment.  
Since today was a busy day, and James was called to an other emergency, he had only returned a few minutes ago and was quite surprised that she was still laying on the bed, like she had left her hours before. Mulder listened attentive and concerned to James, with a nod he let James know to give him some minutes in private with Scully.

 

When he was gone, Mulder walked quietly to her in order not to frighten her. He sat on the edge of the couch, looked at her and immediately the icy storm inside him disappeared and was replaced by a comforting warmth. Even if she wasn’t aware of him sitting besides her, her sole presence gave him a feeling of warmth and security. And that was what made her different from any other woman.  
She was beautiful, relaxed facial features, her full lips and her red hair that framed her porcelain-colored face, in his eyes she was the most beautiful creature on earth. Slowly and carefully, as if he was touching wafer-thin fragile glass, he stroked her hair out of her face. He leaned gently closer to her face and whispered tentatively and quietly "Scully it's me, wake up ..."  
Her eyes twitched under her eyelids, a sign that she had noticed Mulder's voice. Slowly she turned her head around to him and opened her heavy eyelids. Immediately her headache strong as a sledgehammer had returned, pained she grabbed the sides of her temples and pinched her eyes together.  
"Scully ..." was all he got over his lips, his throat was parched within one second. What was wrong with her?  
He held her by the shoulders, trying to focus on her face to read from her features, so he could help her.  
After several minutes, her tense shoulders relaxed.  
"Scully, what was that about, are you alright? What happened ... Skinner only said you needed to take care of something…" his eyes expressed more concern than his trembling with apprehension timbre could ever be capable of conveying.  
"Mulder I'm fine, it’s just a migraine… What time it is," she responded slain and tired.

"Scully that is not just a migraine, I know you and I know what you look like when you have a migraine, so what's wrong with you?" He persisted without losing the gentleness and concern in his voice. He fondly put his hand back on her forehead and felt the heat radiating from her.  
"Scully you are burning up. I'll take you home now and then we'll talk, "he said gravely.  
Scully looked at her watch, it was after 7 o'clock. Dr. May closed her practice at 5.30 pm. Damn how long had she been asleep?!  
Mulder watched Scully, without hiding even one of his penetrating gazes, she should be able to see that he cared. He knew that she could rarely refuse him anything. Especially when he cared, she sometimes did and agreed to things just to make him feel better and calm him down.  
„Mulder it’s okay I'll go home and lie down, deal?!" she admitted defeated. She saw in his eyes that he was not going to change his mind today. And that her protestations that she was good, did not represent a way out for her today.  
"You are not driving anywhere ...! I will drive ... I just don't ... "Mulder paused and looked embarrassed to the ground," I just do not want you to drive Scully, I would never forgive myself if you would black out again and something happened to you. I’ll even let you choose the radio station "he said with a smile, which was so inconspicuous that it could easily have been overlooked.  
Scully called it Mulders UFO smile, you could not always recognize it, and it was quickly gone, but if you saw it, it was beautiful in its own way.  
Scully knew she had no choice, she stood from the couch and stroked your clothes smooth. Mulder noticed how shaky she was on her feet and stood beside her. He placed his arm inconspicuously around her waist in order to support her and to make sure that if she was to fall again that he could hold her before she hurt herself falling down.  
He walked normally beside Scully, without staring at her or eyeing her too often. It was clear to him that she only accepted this gesture of help because he didn't represent it as assistance. Pitying her, was the worst for Scully, and Mulder knew exactly that. Whenever he put on his sympathetic-pitying look, he could expect a stubborn reaction, which should prove her strength. But because she was anything but strong and healthy at the moment, he wanted to prevent this reaction from happening and tried to help her in an as neutral as possibly way.

 

8.00pm Scullys apartment  
Mulder had insisted to accompany her up after she had had a violent headache attack while driving. Scully had tried to make clear that him that she only had caught a flu and had also that she had been sleeping too little lately. But all these protestations couldn't change Mulders already made up mind when it came to make sure she was safe. Mulder was in Scully's apartment, took her coat from her and told her to get ready for bed, because he would take care of everything else. Scully was not sure what he meant by that. She took a quick shower and then put on her pajama. In the meantime Mulder stood in the kitchen and made some tea and soup. Besides that he called Maggie to make sure she knew her daughter was okay.  
Maggie was thankful and happy that her daughter was well and knew that she was in good hands with Fox.  
With all his powers of persuasion, Mulder convinced Scully to sit in her bed and to eat the soup there. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching how she ate the soup.  
Touched by his gesture, she softly said, "Thank you Mulder, but you didn't have to do that, I'm really okay!"  
„And to keep it that way, today on the menu is the exclusively made „Mulder-health soup" he roguishly retorted.  
He lowered his eyelids and said with dark, halting voice "Scully ... you would tell me if ... if he would be back?" He glanced back and forth uncertainly between the sea blue eyes of Scully and the floor.  
She could feel the extremely heavy burden of worry that was on his mind. She gently put her hand on his. The slight pressure of her fingers intertwined with his, brought his eyes back to look up at her.  
"Mulder, I'm healthy. The cancer has not returned. I take really good care of it and I’m getting tested regularly even more than necessary. It's just a flu ... really "she sought contact with his green-brown eyes, that his fear and despair were so openly displayed chased a shiver down her spine. She squeezed his hand tighter and looked at him intensely.  
He saw a smile in Scully's face, it was this rare Scully-smile that signaled him that everything was okay. It exuded so much warmth and security that he wanted to pull her in his arms and to never let go again.  
He enjoyed this moment. Even if she just held his hand, it meant to him that after all, what had happened in the past few days, that she was accepting his closeness again. And that was not natural for someone like Scully and he knew that, he knew to appreciate these little precious gifts.  
Mulder withdrew his hand reluctantly, because if she would touch and look at him even further, he wouldn't be able to maintain the distance that they had set up in their friendship. He got up from the edge of her bed and took a step towards Scully.

„Hand me the empty bowl, I'll do it. I’ll leave the tea on the nightstand... And I hope the princess approved of this delicate soup.“ With a servant greeting he left to go to the kitchen. Scully had to smile. She loved his sense of humor and unpinned style she much too seldom saw. Sometimes he was just a child trapped in a more than attractive man's body. She decided to tease him a bit.  
"James, I still need some sugar for my tea," she cried out snobbishly so he could hear her while standing in the kitchen.  
Mulder was confused for a moment, he had not expected that she would respond to his teasing earlier. He took a little sugar, and went back to Scully's bedroom.  
"How much sugar does your Highness favour?" In his best butler manner he stood before her.  
"1 spoon James!" She replied playing being shocked "as always, how dare you to forget this, and that after all these years!" She theatrically put her the back of her hand to her forehead. Mulder had to suppress a loud laugh, as Scully played fainting from shock about the fact that her servant no longer remembered how she drank her tea.  
"Excuse me your highness, it will of course never happen again, I do not know how I ever could forget that" he answered submissively and faking his apology.  
As their eyes met, both had to laugh. Her eyes sparkled and shone, they both enjoyed being unobserved and at ease to fool around with each other. Mulder gave her the sugar and put the box back into the kitchen, back into the cabinet, for he knew Scullys orderliness and he didn't want to mess up her neatness system.  
When he came back into the room, Scully had already cuddled up under her blanket. He saw the slight sheen of sweat on her forehead. Without a word, he walked into her bathroom, and took a washcloth, drenched it with cold water and went back to her.  
He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her shoulders. Scully watched him in confusion and disbelief. Although she knew that Mulder was quite caring, but he hadn't paid so that much attention to her in a long time. He ignored Scully's incredulous look with a warm face, stroked her hair from her forehead and gently put the washcloth on her.  
"Thank you," she whispered.  
"For you…always Scully" he said, barely audible.  
"Can I do anything else for you?" He asked carefully.  
"You've done enough already Mulder" she said gratefully.  
"Okay, but if you should still need something, then you’ll let me know, I want you to rest for now. Because you can’t leave me alone much longer with this horde of agents up there! "He said with a wink.  
"I'm going to the office again, and if anything ..."  
"... If anything comes up I’ll call you. I got it Mulder" she interrupted him with a smile.  
Mulder leaned forward and kissed her cheek goodbye. He left Scully's apartment and he felt good. He was pleased and this pleasant feeling ran through every fiber of his body. He could not help but grin. Although the event by what it was brought on wasn't good, it was the best and most relaxing hour they'd shared for a long time.  
He loved it when she took off her mask of seriousness and wasn't Dr. Dana Scully anymore, but simply Dana. Without her firm attitude and without her protective wall which was made of aloofness, professionalism and control. Glad that she had let him help he got into his car and headed back to the FBI.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The next chapters contain explicit violence and detailed descriptions of violet acts.
> 
> and a big thanks to @justholdinghandsok for supporting me and giving me feedback!!!

9.40pm Scullys apartment  
When Mulder had left over an hour ago, she had slept immediately. A few minutes ago, the storm which raged in her head brought her back into reality. Her forehead was still hot to the touch, she was short of breath and her head was nearly killing her. She got out of her bed, looking for her headache pills.  
Her legs felt like Jell-O. Arriving in her bathroom looking through her medicine cabinet, she opened the tablet package and exhausted she found out it was empty. The next thing what came to her mind was that she didn't even had her car.  
Although the nearest pharmacy was only a 20 minutes walk away, in her current state, these were infinitely long 20 minutes. Should she call Mulder? He would worry even more, and it was just the flu ... he was worrying enough already and she did not want to add ore to his concerns. On the other hand, she had told him she would let him know if she needed anything.  
But she couldn't pull him away from work now, he had probably been in the office for just 45 minutes and he was not at her beck and call to fulfill der needs. Her independence and stubbornness, fought a fierce battle with her reason and an uneasy conscience, which she would have because of Mulder, if she acted irresponsibly in terms of her health. She knew what uncomprehending, anxious and sad look she had to expect when she would come around after an accident or something else again.  
She decided to keep her word and call Mulder to simply ask him if he could drop off some headache pills on his way home.  
She pressed the button 1, which dialed Mulder's cell phone number. It rang several times, but no one answered. She wanted to try again in a few minutes, he probably was in a meeting.  
Also on her second attempt Mulder was unreachable. She had tried it, and because her headache beat like the giant waves of a tsunami through her head, she pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater and went on her way. She grabbed her cell phone in the event that Mulder called back.

10.55pm Meeting-room 301  
He sat brooding over the files, he could not make out the connection. Something must be missing, something he had overlooked. He was sure it was a small detail he was missing. He stood up, got a coffee and sat back in his chair. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Every detail, everything he had read, he played through his mind, but nothing made sense.  
Depressed, he let out a great puff of air. He ran his fingers through his hair, rubbed his eyes and began to read again. When he looked at the pictures of the missing women, one victim reminded him immediately of Scully, they had the same hair color. Was she better? She hadn’t called him since he left. Thus, he decided to call her.  
He reached into his jacket pocket and fished out his cell phone. When his eyes landed on his screen, he saw that he had missed two calls. He had forgotten to put his phone on loud. His instinct told him that Scully had tried to reach him. The display confirmed this assumption as the named Scully shone on it. His worry sensor was immediately active again, what if she needed something or she felt worse. What if there had been an emergency? She only called when she really needed him. While his thoughts were still busy trying to give himself the blame for everything and to scourge himself, his fingers darted involuntarily over the keypad.  
It rang. Nothing.  
Second try. Again, no response. She probably was already asleep. Was he worried for nothing? Should he go to her and see if everything really was okay? But then he would maybe have to wake her up and he didn't want to do that. He also knew that if she should be at home, she would probably be stressed out by his over protective behavior. And maybe then she wouldn’t tell him the next time when she wasn't feeling fine.  
No way he wanted that to happen, he didn't want to be excluded again until the last minute when it was more than obvious that she wasn't fine. What he wanted was that she trusted him enough to let him help her fight her demons. He wanted her to share and walk hand in hand through their personal hells. And he knew too much anxiety and too much of his protective instinct, would cause the exact opposite.  
Even if everything in him screamed to go to her, he had made the decision not to go crazy and to just visit her tomorrow morning. He would bring her breakfast and look how she was doing. But for now he had to try to think of other things. He would not get any further with the case, therefore it did go home and relax watching a couple of videos that weren't his of course.

Next morning 7:15am Mulders Apartment  
Showered and in a new suit which he had bought a week earlier, he stood in his kitchen and grabbed his briefcase. Before he drove off, he wanted to let Scully know that he was coming over. She hated it when he showed up at her door unannounced at the most impossible times. And since early hours hadn't had the most positive impact on her mood, he found it better to warn her.  
Nobody answered. Not on the second and third attempt either. Maybe she had put it on silent mode to sleep in peace. After trying it on her landline, and getting the answering machine for an interlocutor, he simply left her a message. Loaded with everything he needed, he made his way to Scully, but not before stopping at a bakery. Knowing that a sated Scully was a happy Scully. At the thought of her when she was hungry, he grinned to himself. She could be really narky when she got nothing to eat ...  
He had called Skinner from his car to let him know that he was going to check on Scully because she went feeling well yesterday. Skinner had agreed and had given him the morning off. He knew Skinner at a soft spot where Scully was concerned. Mulder knew that Scully's wellbeing had always been at Skinner heart, even if he was for a former soldier and had difficulties to admit it. But Skinner's actions in the past had said more than words ever could.  
When he hung up, his cell phone rang again. The display didn't show Scullys name like he had hoped for but that of Diana. He simply ignored her call. Skinner knew where he was and that was enough. Skinner had assured Mulder that if any news came up he would immediately let him know.

8.45am Scully's apartment

Packed with croissants and two coffees, Mulder stood before Scully apartment door. He balanced the coffee and tapped on the door with his other hand. He waited, but no one seemed to hear him. He knocked again, a little stronger now. Nothing. No sound came from Scully's apartment. After looking at his watch Mulder pondered, if she was still asleep.  
He had a key to her apartment just like she had one to his. This key was meant for emergencies and Mulder decided that this was one. He fished his keys out of his pocket and picked the only shimmering gold key and opened Scully's door.  
It was perfectly still in the apartment. There was no light and no noise could be heard from the bedroom. He was sure she was still sleeping. He put his goods on the kitchen table and decided to set the table so he could have breakfast comfortably with her. Doing things like that was rare for him, but if he did, then it had to be perfect. He took her good china, even if he never knew what criteria it was that defined good china.  
The vase of fresh cut flowers he draped centrally on the table, he distributed the croissants and poured the coffee into cups. Satisfied with himself and what he had created there, he examined the table again just to make sure everything was perfect and complete. Swollen with a little pride he made his way to knock on Scully's room and wake her up. He was looking forward to her surprised face when she would see the table. Involuntarily, a wide grin was on his face thinking about her bewildered expression that she got most of the time when presented with his surprises.  
He knocked gently on the door so as not to scare her. No reaction. He knocked a little louder to tear her from the world of dreams. What was she dreaming about... before he threatened to further sink into this thoughts he knocked harder. Still nothing happened. He opened the door a crack.  
The bed was empty. It was indeed used, but she was no longer in it. He ran frantically around the room, had she fallen, was she somewhere?! Where was she ... His joyful face abruptly changed into his as Scully called it "panic face". She had promised him, if something came up she would let him know and thats why a feeling of immediate alarm struck him.  
She would have told him if she had planned to attend some appointments. She knew he would look after her, if she didn't get in touch with him. Dr. May was what flashed through his head. Maybe Scully was there. Perhaps something was wrong. He ran from her bedroom into the hall and searched the table in the hallway for her phonebook. He found her number and called the practice. After a few seconds he was put through to Dr.May.  
"Dr. May here, with whom I speak? "  
"Dr. May here is Agent Mulder, is Agent Scully with you?" He asked, trying to hide the spreading panic in his voice.  
"No, she wasn't here in the practice and I don't understand why she isn't coming by. She should have been here yesterday, we had an appointment and normally Dana cancelled if she couldn't make it. It is important that she comes by as soon as possible. Tell her that.“ the urgency of Dr. May was not lost on him.  
"I can’t find her and therefore I thought she may be at your practice. But should I find, I'll tell you!“ Mulder insured her.  
“Well, it is really urgent and can’t wait any longer." Dr. May underlined her request.  
" Is she sick? I mean ... I know you can’t say anything, but ... is ... has she ... Is he back, the ... Cancer. Is she sick again? "Mulder asked in a small voice. The concern, however, especially the deep-seated fear of a new struggle with this faceless enemy was clearly audible, as he asked the question.  
"Agent Mulder, I am subject to confidentiality.You know that! I may disclose such information only to relatives."She said with regret.  
He hated this sentence, how many times had he heard this already. This sentence, it repeatedly showed him that he was not involved in her life as the way he wanted to be. This sentence, also was the clearest proof that he was the greatest coward, there was in the world.  
If only for once he would have had the courage speak with her. Really speaking with her. About what he felt, what he felt for her. He maybe would have had more than just a place on the bench right now.  
He knew that the information was only shared with someone from Scully's family. But wasn't he Scully's family too?! They shared so much more, he knew that, only there was no law for it.  
"I know ... it's just I'm worried and thought there is something I should know," he said resignedly.  
"Agent Mulder, I can certainly understand your concern, Dana was always reliable until now. But let me put it this way there is nothing from the past. Despite everything, it is serious and I should definitely speak with her. Unfortunately I have to go now. "She said goodbye to him and he knew that she could understand his concerns. Albeit he was grateful that she had given him the information that the cancer had not returned, he was more than worried.

He knew Dr. May well enough to know that it must be really urgent and important because Dr. May would not be so worried otherwise. And that in turn made him nervous, just like the fact that he did not know what she had or how bad it was. This secrecy would cost him his last nerve someday.  
He had to keep looking. She had to be somewhere.  
Maybe Scully went, against all advice, to the office. He fled from the apartment, not thinking about clearing the contents from the table. He ran to his car and made his way to the office. In the car he had called Maggie, but there was no trace of Scully.  
It was back, this feeling of falling, which he always got when his intuition told him that something was wrong. He had completed the way to the office in record time, after he hastily rushed into his basement office, only to discover that Scully was nowhere to be found here, he paused for a moment, closed his eyes and ran his hands over his face. Where the hell could she be? In his mind he summed it all together. She was not with Dr. May, not at home neither in the office nor in the pathology. Where was she ...  
Startled by the touch on his shoulder, he turned around. Diana.  
"Fox is everything okay? I didn't want to scare you, I missed you in the meeting room so I came down to get you, because there are news „ Diana let him know it with a smile.  
"Everything is alright. I'll be right there "he replied neutral and took a step back from her in order to provide the necessary distance which he considered appropriate to clarify that there was really nothing between them.  
"Well, I think it could be a breakthrough, so I see you upstairs in a second then," she said, still smiling slightly. He knew that Diana would not give up so easily. He knew her and therefore he also knew that she took what she wanted and when she wanted it. She didn’t like losing, and therefore he also knew that he had to be prepared because she would try anything and everything.  
On the way to the meeting room, he tried repeatedly to reach Scully on her phone, but no one answered at the other end.

10.42am Meeting Room 302 J.E.Hoover Building

Agent Fowley had all agents called into the room to discuss the latest issues. Skinner stood against the wall at the end of the room and nodded to Mulder when he entered the room. Mulder went to Skinner and whispered, "Sir, have you spoken to Agent Scully today?" Skinner looked at Mulder and saw in his eyes that concern and confusion had settled in. "I'm sorry Agent Mulder, I haven't seen or talked to Agent Scully today," he replied apologetically.  
Their conversation was interrupted by the darkening of the room and the voice of Agent Fowley.  
"Agents, we have received a new video and this morning two more bodies were found. As far as we know the bodies belong to Andrea Silva 28, a dentist from Washington and Monika Harris 32, a housewife. The nature of the injuries clearly indicates that this was our perpetrator. The video has been studied, but there were no traces that might give us clues to the identity of the perpetrator. The only thing that the analysis of the video footage has shown was that they were held in the same space like the victims before.“ With a professional voice she continued. "On this list you can find your tasks and the allocation of teams. Read everything carefully and then immediately start working. "  
All Agents began get in motion to start their work. Mulder, who held the files on the two latest victims in the hands drew up an eyebrow skeptically. He opened up the second file of the new victim and searched for details. Diana came up to Skinner and Mulder. "Sir, I think we need all the help in this case we can get." She said quietly. "Of course, Agent Fowley, I already took care of it, do you have anything new we could use to bring the investigation up to speed?" He asked.  
She shook her head helplessly. Just as she was to start the conversation between Skinner and herself again, it bursted out of Mulder's mouth.  
„There, that’s it!!!,“ he uttered without looking up from the files. Skinner and Fowley threw themselves a surprised and confused look. They couldn't understand Mulders way of thinking just now. Mulder, meanwhile, was running to his desk and rummaged through the mountains of notes and files which piled up there. He ignored the question mark Skinner and Fowley had in their eyes and continued searching through his desk.  
Triumphantly he stopped after a few minutes and held a crumpled piece of paper up in the air.  
"That's it, that's the connection," he said absolutely sure of it.  
"Agent Mulder, would you explain to us what exactly the connection is?! NOW" skinner growled impatiently and uncomprehendingly.  
„The Victims" said Mulder "There is a connection between them"  
Mulder sometimes forgot that not everybody could follow his reasoning, without him explaining it carefully.  
He was accustomed to having Scully with him and she understood him with just a few words, but they were Skinner and Diana, so he went to the wall on which the images of the victims were pinned. Skinner and Diana followed him, curious about what he had found.  
Mulder told them very briefly that the latest two victims had studied at the University of Maryland. And the first two victims had been enrolled there before they changed the university.  
"And I bet my ass ... um excuse me sir, but I bet if we look the other victims up in the directory of the University that they have also studied there, or at least were enrolled there once or probably they have also worked there."  
With a surprised look Skinner and Fowley were facing the wall with the pictures. Fowley nodded and went immediately on the way to an agent to instruct him to check this.  
Skinner tapped Mulder on the shoulder and pointed at him "Agent Mulder, then I would say you are trying to create a profile and if you consider it useful even have a look at the university yourself. I'm signing Agent Scully up to do the autopsies of the new victims."  
Hearing Scullys name again, the feeling of unknowing and concern. He had still not been able to reach her and he did not know where she was.  
"Uh, sir, I have been trying to reach Agent Scully for a while now and ... so if you reach can reach her please let me know and tell her to call me because its urgent.I will not stop trying to her reach her, but just ... just in case… "his gaze wavered uncertainly from the wall to Skinner and again on the floor. He did not want Skinner to notice how helpless he felt, and how much he really cared, because he had heard nothing about Scully.  
Skinner had to smile a little, he saw how distressed his agent was, he knew how important Scully was for him and Mulder tried not to show it to him. He was glad that Scully was there, she held Mulder back from making stupid mistakes and made sure that he didn't lose sight of the essentials things.  
Mulder was always, when it came to Scully, unpredictable. When it came to her Skinner had experienced to what, intense and hitherto unsuspected emotional outbursts Mulder was capable. And with time this had strengthened, he knew that Scully was one of the few people he trusted completely.  
And she was the only one he confided in his theories, he discussed the most absurd things but inly with her. Skinner knew Mulder needed Scully emotionally but as well professionally to be completely able to produce results which were believable and explainable.  
At the same moment Skinner echoed this thought, he felt bad for thinking of him as an result producing machine, but right now results were the only thing that mattered. He knew that there was more between the two than they made even admitted to themselves, considering that even the office grapevine was buzzing about them for years now, not that he used to take that seriously all the time."I will contact you if I hear something Agent Mulder" Skinner said, when he said goodbye to his agents in the meeting room.

2.35pm Meeting Room 302 J.E.Hoover Building

An agent brought Mulder all the data and facts which were previously not completely found in the documents. The agent had compared the obtained data on the victims with the information from the University. His guess was now confirmed in black and white.  
All the victims had been enrolled at the University of Maryland. 2 victims were studying there, 4 had changed to other universities and 2 had canceled their studies and made an education somewhere else. 2 victims had gotten their degree, but had been subsequently enrolled at other universities for their doctoral theses.  
For these reasons, it was not apparent at first sight from the documents that the University was the link between the victims.  
Now that all the pieces of the puzzle were slowly falling together in Mulders head, he realized there was another detail as he looked at the records of the University. He spread all the files side by side on a row. A forefinger slid over the column: the University Awards.  
Each of these women were, in the semesters in which they had studied at the University, part of the year’s best students.  
All 10 victims had been volunteers in University clubs too. And all 10 victims were mentors for new incoming students. Detail after another caught his eye as his stomach spoke up loudly. Mulder had forgotten that he had not had breakfast today. A glance at the clock told him that it was already after 3pm.  
With an empty stomach, he didn't want to start his task of creating profile because it would be a waste of time.  
If he had to be immersed in the depths of a Psychopath's, then he at least wanted some food in his stomach. He got up and made his way to the cafeteria.  
The obligatory look at his cell phone, which he had taken from his jacket, let his face appear wrinkled. No call.  
Thoughtfully, he shoved it back in his pocket and went on his way to get himself something to eat. He would try calling her as soon as he had his lunch standing in front of him.

3.40pm cafeteria J.E.Hoover Building  
Mulder sat on one of the plastic seats and had placed his tray with lasagna in front of him. Although the cafeteria food, wasn’t high on his lists of favorites, it tasted quite good today. The door of the canteen swung open with a jerk and a young Agent ran excitedly across the room. Suddenly Mulder heard that this agent called his name and therefore was probably looking for him. Mulder got up from his seat and waved the frantic running Agent over to him.  
"Are you Agent Mulder?" He asked a bit out of breath.  
"Yes I am and how can I help you?" Mulder asked irritated  
"I was sent to fetch you, the Joker…. there is a live connection" he shared excitedly with Mulder. „I need you to come with me immediately Agent Mulder.“  
Mulder stood up grabbed his jacket and followed the fast pace of the agent.

3.50pm office A.D Skinner

Mulder entered the room without knocking, Skinner, Diana and 4 other agents that he suspected were from the engineering and IT department. They sat tensely around a laptop.  
Mulder stood behind Skinner and Diana both sat on chairs in front of a screen starring shocked on it.  
Mulder saw a young woman whose hands were attached to iron anchor chains from the ceiling.

Her body was leaning against a steel rod. Her ankles were, like the wrists, attached to chains. Because of her scanty clothing which comprised only her panties and bra, the view was free on her hematoma studded body. Blood on her temple and her eyes were closed.  
Since her many hematoma boasted in multiple colors on her body, Mulder assumed that she was tortured for some time.  
The attitude of the woman showed everyone present that she was weakening by the minute. Suddenly the woman lifted her head, opened her eyes in panic and kept shaking her head wildly. Her lips moved, but there was no audio transmission, the agents could only guess what was being said.

It seemed, as she was begging for her life. With frantic shaking of the heavy chains, the woman tried to escape the impasse. The shadow of a second person fell into the camera's focus. While waiting to finally catch a glimpse of the form which had all these women tortured to death, all eyes were on the screen. The air was so tense you could cut it and no one in the entire office dared to even speak a sound.  
The shape, who stepped in front of the camera was masked. Nevertheless, it was clear; that it was a man who had a normal stature for his height. He was holding a scalpel in hand and walked towards the helpless woman.  
He severed the bra with a quick tug. They had to talk to each other, the woman's lips moved incessantly and even a twitch of the mask could be seen. Mulder would have liked to hear the conversation.  
The man stood before his victim in a way that only her face was visible for the camera. The woman tore her mouth open wide, squeezed her eyes together, only to tear them open frantically a few seconds later. Everyone present could watch as more of her life vanished from her body with every minute. Her face lost all color before her head fell limply to the side. From the lifeless staring eyes of the woman, a last tear pioneered as a witness to the tortures,down her cheek.  
As the Masked stepped aside, Mulder swallowed hard, as well as all others who looked on the screen. Her body was covered in blood, he had neatly excised skin from the collarbone to just above the navel in a heart shape.  
Her blood ran over her hips, legs and feet to the ground and there formed a growing red and glistening puddle.  
The live broadcast was interrupted. Everything to be seen now, was a black frozen image. All those present, tried sorting out the images of what they just had witnessed. They had just witnessed how their perpetrator had killed another victim on camera. He had consciously let them participate. But why? Why would he let them see it live, why not sent simply videotapes like he did before? Why did he take that risk?  
It was now up to Mulder to answer these questions in his profile. But before he could start it, he needed a coffee. He would have preferred to drink a whiskey, but unfortunately that did not meet the FBI regulations. After Skinner, Diana and Mulder had sorted out, how they should go on now, Mulder stepped back into the meeting room.  
Along the way, he reached into his jacket pocket and was reaching for his cell phone, but his hand went into the void. Where was his phone? There were not many opportunities where he could have left it …

5.56pm Meeting Rooms 302 J.E.Hoover-Building

Mulder walked heavily on the way to his desk, a hot cup of coffee in his hand, his eyes wandering around the room, he saw the rush with whom the agents scurried across the room.  
He absently put his cup down on his file crowded desk and sank thoughtful and absent-minded into his chair. The arms clasped behind his head Mulder breathed out deeply. The deep breaths should clear his head and he needed this brief respite before he went to the profiling work. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to mobilize his forces to awaken his weary limbs and also to get his mind in full swing.  
When he opened his eyes he saw Skinner. From Skinner's face he could rarely read something. Skinner stood in front of Mulder's desk, Mulder sat up in his chair, waiting for what his superior had to tell him.  
"Agent Mulder, could you reach Agent Scully?" He asked without any noticeable reaction.  
"No sir, I just got back to my desk and had no chance to try again, but I’ll try it if I find my phone in this mess again."Mulder replied dutifully.  
"Well, Agent Scully hasn't surfaced in the FBI or in the pathology. And the autopsies are waiting. Is there something that I should know regarding Agent Scully? "Skinner asked seriously.  
"Sir, I do not know where she is. I have not spoken to her since yesterday. Are you sure that she is not in the lab? "Mulder's voice was soft and Skinner knew Mulder was worried and he had to admit, he also began to worry.  
"Yes I'm sure Agent Mulder. Do you have an idea where she might be? "Skinner asked worry lines looming on his forehead.  
"No sir, I do not know where else Scully could be ... It doesn’t look like ... she doesn’t ... it does not fit Scully Sir, not to report back or call in ..."Mulder defended Scully's absence stammering, yet he could not hide his worried look , Skinner's sympathetic nod, showed Mulder, that Skinner was worried. Scully was the reliability in person, not being on time or being too late wasn’t her style, only when Mulder brought her into the middle of nowhere and after chasing something and losing the sense of time she wasn't on time a couple of times.  
Papers swirled, documents flew across the table and folders have been moved around until Mulder had finally found his cell phone at his desks chaos. A glance at his screen showed him that he had missed a call. Skinner looked at him quizzically. Mulder called his mailbox. The electronic voice let him know without emotion that he had received a message.  
He nervously pressed the 2 and listen to the message. Eagerly waiting for news Skinner stood beside him.  
" You have a new message. 3.42pm "  
His nerves were strained to the breaking point, because the number was anonymous.  
"Mulder, It’s me. I just wanted to say that I'm away for a while, I need to sort some things out for myself and I would ask you to tell Skinner that I take some of my vacation days. I'll get back to you later, I'm fine "The beep signaled the end of the message.

With an incredulous look he got lost with his cell phone in hand, staring at his desk. Skinner looked at his face and saw that Mulder was trying to process this message. She sounded weird. That was so not his Scully. It sounded as if she was reading something. Or was she just thinking about something that distracted her?! He wasn't sure, he didn't know anything anymore. Did he know her at all? Or did he only believe he knew her? She had gone without telling him personally...  
Skinner gave him the moments to process whatever it was.  
"Agent Mulder?" Skinner ventured now .  
"Uh sir, Agent Scully,called to tell me that I should inform you that she is taking her vacation days... that's what I should tell you…“ he babbled zoned out. Skinner saw that though the words came from his lips, Mulder's expression made it clear how much his head was still thinking about the message.  
"Agent Mulder did something happen? We both know Agent Scully, and normally she is very reliable and would never just take her vacation days during such an urgent case? "He wanted to know emphatically.  
"I do not know sir, she had obviously been a little sick, but I can’t imagine why she’s is taking a leave now." He replied with a lack of understanding in his voice.  
Was it because of what had happened with Diana? Was that why she was running away now? There were few situations in which she tried to hide from him or behaved repellent and reserved. Either she had been ill, or she had been jealous of another woman. Well, he did not know whether she was really jealous or whether his behavior made her angry and just couldn't stand him anymore without losing her cool. He was not sure. The only thing he knew was that it had to be either a disease or the thing with Diana. An another woman had not been a trigger point between them lately.  
No matter how he twisted and turned it around, the fact was she left. She had not told him. She had ruled him out of her plans. So she was retreating back into herself again. He actually thought that they could be closer again, at least it had felt this way for him when he had been with her, and had cared and cooked soup for her.  
Was Scully just polite and he had interpreted too much into it? Was Scully just too tired to engage in discussions? How could his feeling be so wrong that she just disappeared without saying one word to him.  
The lump in his throat grew incessantly with every second. He felt as his heart seemed to beat harder than it was normal.  
Skinners eyes pitied him. He always knew that it was very hard on Mulder when Scully had held him at a distance or excluded him from her decisions.  
"She at least called Agent Mulder. And maybe there is something important she has to take care off. You know yourself that Agent Scully always acts responsibly.  
And you as well as I should accept that. After all, she has a lot of vacation days left and i told her she could take them whenever she needed too. And Agent Mulder you should better work on that profile now. We need something that brings us closer this madman.“ Said Skinner encouragingly and soothingly to Mulder.  
"Alright sir," Mulder answered crisply and still in thought.

2 days later

9.25am Meeting room 302 J.E.Hoover-Building

The body of the young woman whose death they all witnessed live, had been found an hour ago in a garbage can, near the FBI headquarters. Mulder knew the perpetrator looked at it as a game. He wanted to prove that he was superior to them. He wanted them to know that he held the reins in his hands. He enjoyed his power in this game. Mulder had been home in the last 2 days only for showering and changing clothes. He barely ate, he slept no more than 3 hours and you could see what that did to him.

A 3-day beard, was something that sometimes did occur with Mulder, but his eyes, which were blood-shoot and the black ditches that framed his languid and wan green brown eyes, were a significant relic of how deep in his personal hell of profiling he was.  
Scully had always been the one person who put a stop to that, since he himself was not capable of doing it.  
He only could come up with the perfect profile if he put his needs completely into the background and constantly devoted all of himself to the demons of the suspects. It was Scully who made sure that he ate.  
She was there through all the nights to watch over him and give him a comforting feeling of safety in the darkness of the minds of the suspect in which he found himself. Just so that HE at least got a little sleep and come out of it halfway unscathed. And it was her hand holding his that led him repeatedly from out of this hell. Her radiant smile lit up the darkness surrounding him. Now that she wasn't here, he was left to himself. And he was apparently not coping very well.  
Skinner came into the room and headed straight for Mulder. Skinner had often experienced Mulder when he created profiles. And admittedly he was glad that Scully had always had a watchful eye on Mulder. Skinner knew that the profiles had a self-destructive influence on Mulder's psyche. The bitter aftertaste was that Mulder was the best probably just because of this self-destructive factor.

They had all nothing on him, probably because no one else was ready to destroy himself in the sam way Mulder did and to go entirely into the horror of the psychopathic minds.  
Skinner stood in front of Mulder's table and surveyed his agent exactly. And he saw that it was bad.  
His skin was pale, the look tired and the facial features limp. He had to pull the emergency brake. He had to protect Mulder from his own constraints.  
Skinner turned away briefly and ordered an agent to get some orange juice and sandwiches.  
"Mulder take a break! That's an order and get some fresh air! "He pointed at him with a strict voice and his hands on his hips.

Mulder looked absently at him for a moment, then nodded casually. Skinner was not sure whether his words had ever gotten through to him.  
"Mulder, NOW!" Skinner reinforced his commanding and handed him the same sandwiches and orange juice, which the agent had brought.  
"Sir," came a whisper from Mulder. Since Skinner did not respond, Mulder cleared his throat to regain strength and firmness in his voice.  
"Sir," came now audible, but little confidently from his throat.  
"Yes Agent Mulder?" Skinner answered.  
"Has ... I mean has Agent Scully called you back? I mean did she tell you how long ... how long she plans on being away? "He asked uncertainly and hesitantly.  
"No Agent Mulder, not yet. But, and I'm telling you this as a friend and not as your supervisor, give her some time. Other agents wouldn't have been able to take what she has experienced without breaking. And I think that these abductions of women could cause certain memories with Agent Scully. "Mulder knew what Skinner alluded to, Skyland Mountains, Pfaster, Tooms, the list was long.  
Somewhat Mulder was taken aback by the empathy he knew Skinner indeed had, but he had never thought he would live to witness. And he never thought that Skinners honest and frank words, would be directed at him.  
As Skinner's words sagged in his head, Mulder had to admit that he might be right. He knew Scully's strength was above average, yet he had in the meantime considered it as a part of her and it became obligatory. And it had become natural for him too that even if Scully although sometimes had weak moments, in the end she was bale to manage everything by herself. She was stronger than he was.  
He never thought that she would flee because it was all getting to much for her to handle. With this thought in mind came a sharp pain, which he was able to identify as an expression of his bad conscience. Selfish, self-righteous and ignorant, he must have been all of that , otherwise he would have realized what was happening.  
There must have been signs, but he was too busy with other things. And one thing probably was what she wanted to talk to him about as Diana had opened the door that evening.  
„Could you tell me if she contacts you? Sir? please ... "he said in an embarrassed tone, turning away from skinner and letting his sight wander out of the window.  
"I will, and you eat and rest now, I hope we have an understanding Agent?! Skinner said strictly, but with a hint of understanding.  
Mulder nodded and Skinner knew that his agents mind wasn't on the case at the moment. He knew Mulder's reactions concerning Scully. He knew Mulder was to much under the weather at the moment to break into his usual emotional anger, which let him appear like a wild animal in a cage.  
The nervous play of his fingers with the sunflower seeds, betrayed Mulder's concern and nervousness anyway.  
His fingers turned and turned the sunflower seeds incessantly, his jaw clenched and his forehead was furrowed. Skinner knew Mulder's head could not take a break, and this gesture was again the obvious evidence.  
It would make no sense to continue to plead with him, for this reason, Skinner made his way to Agent Fowley to get an update on the case.

11.08am Meeting Room 302

Mulder sat at his desk, in front of him a brown paper bag filled with sandwiches and orange juice. Involuntarily memories of a night surveillance operation in which Scully had him brought a sandwich and root beer, shot through his head. If there is an iced tea in this bag ...  
His cell phone rang, and Mulder was pulled out of his memory. He quickly grabbed his phone and took the call.  
"Mulder"  
„Mulder it’s me“ it came from the phone.  
"Scully, where are you? How are you? "His thoughts were racing and immediately his mind was awake.  
"Good. I'm on the road. See you soon Mulder "Scully replied.  
"Scully, what's wrong? Where are you? I ... "Mulder's voice came to a standstill, he cared and missed her to much and he couldn't hide it  
"I worry Scully, you didn't call for days, nobody knows where you are... What's going on, talk to me Scully"he continued in a soft voice.  
"Mulder ..." Scully's voice was brittle and thin in his ear, "I'm fine, and I’ll see you soon, okay. Bye.“ these words sounded alien to him.  
He heard despair, aloofness, fear and a cool breeze that wafted him whenever they had pulled their protective walls particularly high around themselves.  
"Scully, I know…“ his words went nowhere. The steady beeping of the other line made him aware that she had hung up. He did not know what to do, she had never acted this way. Yes, she fought everything what burdened her soul mostly alone, but she still let him participate to some degree, and never shut him out completely.

He felt bad, he felt like he lost something. Something that he so much needed and something that he considered to be so self-evident that he was not aware of how much he actually needed and how much he would miss it when it was gone.  
It was Scully. But not only her as a person. What he needed the most, was her respect, her patience and tolerance, she had shown him that every day without restraints or boundaries. She never let him doubt that it would change someday. He now knew what a big gift that was. Mulder sank back into his chair. His elbows supported on the table, he put his face in his hands. He remained in this position for a few minutes and was stuck in his thoughts.  
A hand stroked through his hair, his neck and back into his hair.  
It took a few seconds for Mulder to respond. As he raised his head from his palms and turned around he whispered "Scul ..." his voice darkened when he saw who had touched him. "Diana what do you want?" He asked flatly.

"I just wanted to see how your profile is progressing Fox. I'm worried, you look bad. Come on, I'll take you home, "she said seductively, fire flaring in her eyes. Mulder knew this fire, he got badly burned by it.  
"Thanks, but I have work to do Diana" it came from Mulder and he turned his gaze back to the files laying open before him.  
"You should relax a little Fox, a break will do you good, trust me!" Her gaze intensified.  
"Diana, I said I have work to do, so just let me be, I would like to nail this psycho as fast as possible!“ his voice sounded annoyed.

Diana snorted and turned with a "Okay Fox do what you think is right, but do not think that I will be there to put you back together when you are lying in pieces on the ground again!" She angrily walked away from his desk.  
Mulder again focused on his task.  
He focused on all the details he had collected in front of him. As he systematically read through the CVs of the victims, he analyzing their academic details and he noticed something.  
The first two victims had been valedictorian in their subject areas and supported the learning groups of weaker students.

3 of the victims had gotten their degree at the University, and all three were honored for their outstanding achievements. They supported several social projects at the University.  
The victims who were at the University of Maryland and then changed or canceled their studies, as well were part of the best students in their degree program at the time they studied.

Mulder was sure if he would go through all the other data, the result would be tantamount to every victim being an excellent outstanding student at the university who supported social projects.  
He pointed to a young agent who was standing next to the water cooler in the room to go to the university and to create a list of names of women who were among the best of the university or who had attracted attention by their excellence. Without asking, the agent was on his way.

1.35pm Meeting Room 302

Skinner, Fowley and Mulder stood around a table in the center of the room. They reviewed the latest results the unit gathered together. Mulder was still waiting for the list from the university.  
"I'm expecting an evaluation of the entire video, Agent Donnells office is working on it" Skinner said. Mulder shrugged imperceptibly hearing this name. "Agent Donnell? Sir, since when is he assigned to this case? "Mulder asked in astonishment, hiding his jealousy.  
"In Agent Donnells office, there are some specialists who can be helpful to us, so I decided consult them. Agent Donnell himself is on vacation! "Skinner replied neutrally.  
Donnell was on vacation. Scully was not here. What if she was with Donnell? Immediately his brain went crazy. Was she with Donnell?  
Was it an act of defiance because of the matter with Diana? Scully was both the most professional and controlled agent he knew, which is why she was dubbed as the Ice Queen behind her back. But Mulder knew that when it came to other things, the Ice Queen could spit fire like a volcano. And Diana was such an issue in which the volcano Scully was bubbling.  
Should he call Donnell to be sure that Scully was with him and that she was okay? He decided to call and simply ask Donnell after meeting with Skinner and Diana. What could he lose anyway?! Nothing and he knew it.

2.15pm basement office  
Mulder had gone to his office to call Donnell. And to get certainty whether Scully was with him or not. He did not know what he would like better, her being sound and safe with Donnell which meant his constant would break away. Because that would mean, Scully preferred the company of another man over his.  
He wanted her to be well and he wanted her she safe, but at the same time he did not want her to be with him. No sooner had this thought flew through his head, he was ashamed by it. The main thing was that she was doing well, he reminded himself.  
After all, he himself was to blame, for how things were at the moment and he was aware of that. 

He chose Donnells number and waited for him to pick up. When Donnell reported on the other side, Mulder decided not to beat around the bush with small talk and asked him directly whether Agent Scully was staying with him. Donnell said no and a part in Mulder's heart filled with joy and danced with glee, while another part was drowned in sorrow.  
After he put the phone back down, he ran his hands distracted by his thoughts through his hair. He tried again to reach her, but like previously she wasn't picking up. Although Skinner told him to give her time, he couldn't handle not knowing how she was. It was this feeling of heaviness, which he always felt if something was wrong with her.  
He had to get rid of this burden, he had to hear her voice, he had to look at her face, he had to convince himself that she was doing well.  
He decided if she called him again not to let her off the hook and get her to a meet up with him. He knew which buttons he had to push with Scully in order to softly convince her of something. She knew how he worked and sometimes made use of it herself.  
All is fair in love and war, was what he thought.


	7. Chapter 7

2.42pm meeting room 302

Mulder entered the room and walked to his desk. He knew his way around in its structured chaos, that was why he immediately saw the new envelope on his table. Curious and excited about what it contained, he opened the envelope . Impetuosity he pulled out the papers contained therein.  
It was a list of all the year's best, listed by subject areas and year. He sat down and marked the names of the known victims. He read through the list. Dana Katherine Scully. It hit him like a sledgehammer. He did not know that Scully's name would be on this list, he could not believe it. He had to warn her. Panic welled up in him.  
Why was he so surprised, Scully was brilliant, talented and really he should have known that she was one of the best and she had studied at the University of Maryland too. He ran his hands hastily over his face to drive away all signs of tiredness and fatigue from his features. He immediately called every agent involved in the case to the room.  
63 more women had to be warned and checked. Mulder informed the teams about the names and ordered them to keep up with him, if a person could not be found.

4.55pm Skinner's office  
Mulder had incessantly tried to reach Scully, but his attempts were unsuccessful. Since Kim was not sitting at her desk before Skinner's office door, Mulder just decided to knock.  
Skinner's rough, deep voice granted him entrance.  
"Agent Mulder, what is it?" He asked a little surprised about Mulder's presence.  
"Sir, we now know that the perpetrator chooses his victims according to a pattern. All his victims were among the year's best and were among the excellent students in their local areas. Currently, we are trying to reach all the remaining 63 names to warn them. "Said Mulder.  
"That sounds like a breakthrough, you know why he just selects these women. ? What is the relation to these victims of this pattern "Skinner asked interested and pointed with a gesture to Mulder to sit down.  
"We do not know why he just selects these women sir. We could not figure out where the connection is made, therefore we can also say nothing definite about the perpetrator himself. But we will question all of the women on the list. "Mulder's voice sounded more and more hectic and impatient. Skinner realized that something else on his mind was weighing on his agents soul.  
The nervous gnawing on his lower lip and the rapid check off of new information, betrayed Mulder.  
"Well Agent Mulder, is that all? Or can I do something else for you?" Skinner's voice was soft and he supported his elbows on his desk and fixed his agent through his glasses.

Mulder looked down at his clasped hands and slowly began to speak, "Sir, Agent Scully is also on the list" to any fend of any objections from Skinner, Mulder knowingly added "And Sir I know, Agent Scully can take good care of herself and I also know that she is on vacation, but I can not reach her. Even if she called back, I need to know where she is, we need to at least give her a warning!“ Mulder's concern was unmistakable.  
"Sir, I know it's against the rules, but you could try to locate Scully's phone?" He asked ashamed that he was dependent on the help of Skinner.  
"Agent Mulder, you know that actually requires an order ..." before Mulder could express his protest Skinner continued "But since this is an urgent matter, I'll see what I can do. I will inform you as soon as I know more details. "  
Mulder thanked him and left Skinner's office in the direction of the meeting room.  
On his way through the aisles, he couldn't get it out of his head that Donnell was also on vacation. What if he had lied to him because Scully had told him not to reveal that she was with him ... What was going on?! He did not know what to do yet ... So he trudged on through the building.  
Diana came excitedly running towards him holding a note in her hands. Diana grabbed Fox sleeve and yanked him around. Just as he was wondering if she had lost her mind, she cut him off and told him that she had gotten a link to a website.

 

5.40pm Skinner's office  
Skinner, Fowley and Mulder were seated in front of the computer screen, waiting with a strained and uneasy feeling for the page to open.  
The site opened, and what they saw, puzzled all three. They looked at each other in disbelief. There were three gates on the side, these were labeled with the numbers 1-3. Before they could talk about what was going on, a voice spoke through the computer speakers.  
"Welcome my FBI friends, we will now embark on a long trip together! How it ends is in your hands. Since you have probably already created a profile about me, you can probably guess what is in store for you. Long story short, pick a gate! "  
First none of those present found their voices to say something would break the prevailing silence in the room. Finally, Mulder cleared his throat „ A game! It’s a fucking game we can’t win no matter what we do if we do not find his hiding place soon!"  
"But if we simply cancel now, then we get no evidence of anything," replied Diana.  
„You can’t be serious Diana, you know what to expect when we play the game!" He hissed sourly  
„Agents we should remain calm and try to think clearly!" threw Skinner in.  
Just when they wanted to talk about what they should do, the computer voice sparked between them.  
"Your decision time has elapsed since you have not made a decision, you will be redirected to your result. Maybe you know how to appreciate life the next time! "The voice trailed off and a new window opened.

Three tanks could be seen in which three women with bound hands and feets were displayed. The bodies of all women were covered with cuts.  
As the camera moved to the first body of a woman in her twenties, Mulder could make out the letters TH on her upper body under all the blood. The focus shifted to the second tank. The blond woman hung motionless in her bonds. On her lap, the letters A and N had been cut into her.  
All drew in a sharp breath, as the camera showed the third tank. Blood dripped incessantly down over the nose and chin of the maltreated body. A hand jerked the head of the redhead brutally back but the petite person barely stirred. The only sign that she was still alive was the gently lowering and raising of her upper body.  
The sight of the face left everybody breathless and all of their complexions lost some color. The porcelain-colored face was interrupted by gaping lacerations which made the appearance that they were caused by a saw. If you looked closer at the wounds in the woman's face you could see a K and a S. The culprit taunted them . "THANKS". They had not embarked on his game and now all three women had to paid for it.  
Before they could think about what had happened, the focus of the camera extended so all three tanks were on the screen. The first tank was filled slowly but continuously with water.  
The agents had to watch the desperate survival struggles of the woman. While the water was discolored reddish from blood of the woman and continued to rise, she was floundering, trying to loose her shackles. The water level had risen above her head. The wide-eyed look and the last oxygen bubbles that came to the surface out of her lips, were all what the the agents got to see before the woman laid motionless in the water.  
Without a chance to recover from these pictures, sand rippled into the second tank.  
From her martyrdom to weak to struggle, the second victim remained hanging quietly in her bonds. 

Everybody gasped when they saw how the woman had surrendered to her destiny. She closed her eyes briefly before she looked up at the ceiling and send one last prayer to the heavens. They could see how she took a deep breath, as the sand reached her chin. A few seconds later, the entire tank was filled with white sand, where the only thing visible in the sand was the coagulated blood .  
All of the agents were frozen in place. Frozen in terror, shocked by the brutality and lastly impressed by the strength of the last woman and how she had resign herself to her fate.  
Mulder had his fists clenched, he'd love to tear this man in two with his bare hands. Diana held her hand to her mouth in shock. Skinner's eyes stared in shock and disbelief at the screen.  
Mulder was wide awake, as the focus shifted to the third tank.  
Although he was never religious, he now prayed to every imaginable god of any religion in the world that this was not the red-haired person who meant his life to him. The previous focus had not made an accurate identification possible.  
The hair color, and skin color came dangerously close to Scullys. Unnoticed, he subconsciously held his breath, as the focus widened, it revealed a total view of the woman. Mulder slumped down in his chair behind him. His hands pressed against his face.


	8. Chapter 8

The same red, the same ivory skin, green ... green ... Scully had blue eyes ... It wasn't her. Thank God!!! It’s not her, was the only thought that shot through his mind.  
He rubbed the shock from his face and had to watch as the third tank filled with cement. The woman tried to wrestle her way out of the wet mass. Her intentions were abruptly interrupted by the shackles restraining her. It took a few minutes until the woman had completely disappeared in the gray mass. Even if they didn't have any audio transmission, everyone in attendance could imagine the bloodcurdling cries for help of the woman by just looking at the torn open mouth and the bulging veins at her throat. The window on the screen closed, and they were led back to the main page. Anxiously waiting on what would happen next, they all looked constantly at the screen.  
The computer voice came again: "The game is not over yet. Be ready. You will learn more lessons, but we'll get to that the next time. See you soon and good luck! "  
Silence reigned in the room. Everyone was stuck in their own minds, trying to process what they had seen.  
Although they had been working years with the FBI and had seen many violent crimes, the last few days and what this psychopath did to his victims, was incomparable to inhumanity and brutality.  
The silence in the room was interrupted by Skinner's phone. Skinner answered brusquely.  
Then Skinner spoke:  
"I would say Agent Fowley, you discuss what happened with your unit and find out if there is something new. And the other agents in here will check out this website and I want you all to examine the records for details. Maybe the background noise or something like that will be a help to us. Agent Mulder I want you to stay here for a second. I need to talk to you“  
All the others left the office and made their way to follow Skinner's instructions.  
"Sir, what is it?" Mulder asked curiously.  
"Agent Mulder, I got a call from Agent Hunt, I have asked him to locate Agent Scullys cell phone." Skinner paused briefly and Mulder looked at him expectantly.  
"They were able to locate the mobile" before Skinner finished his sentence, Mulder interrupted him „Where? Sir where is she? I need to talk to her! "He said frantically.  
"Agent Mulder, listen to me, Scully's cell phone has been located and we also know to whom this address belongs. What do you know about a connection between Agent Scully and Agent Donnell?“ Skinner asked cautiously.  
Mulder's features froze. Skinner's words still resonated in his ears. Scully was at Donnells. Donnell had therefore lied to him about Scullys whereabouts ... He had to get out, he needed some fresh air. The tight in his chest made itself wider by the second. Scully had chosen someone else ...  
"Nothing sir, I know nothing about it. I know they know each other, but that was it. Is that all? I would be happy to get back to work now, sir!“ Mulder was confused and answered with acted indifference.  
Skinner nodded. He knew that this new information didn't leave Mulder cold and he saw by the incredulous look of Mulder's face that he could not believe it, that Scully apparently had let another man besides him into her life.  
Skinner knew Scully was everything for Mulder and he saw the fear behind Mulder's eyes that he would lose his constant and confidante to another man.  
But Skinner knew that it was useless to talk to him about it. That's why he had let him go.

7.55pm basement office J.E.Hoover Building

Mulder was in his basement office. What should he do, he didn't know how to deal with the fact that Scully was at Donnells. He loved her. She had also told him that he was the only one she trusted. And now, now she was with Donnell. Had he fucked up so much that she confided in someone else?  
Had he been such a selfish asshole that she no longer wanted to confide in him? What was it that made her go to this Donnell? He thought back and forth. Any situation that could be a possible explanation for why she withdrew from him, he tried to call it all back in his mind. But what was really the reason? He just didn't know it. He was hurt and he wanted a explanation from her. Donnell ... She was with him ...  
Without further ado, he reached for his phone and dialed the number of Donnell. It rang once, twice, no response. Just as he was about to hang up, he heard a voice at the other end.  
"Donnell"  
"Hello Agent Donnell, Agent Mulder here. Is Agent Scully with you? "He asked a little nervous, what his professional voice didn't reveal to Donnell.  
"Ah Agent Mulder, no ... Agent Scully is not with me ... Why do you ask?" Asked Agent Donnell warily.  
"A.D Skinner and I are trying to reach her. There are some updates. If she gets back to you, tell her to contact me or Skinner?! "  
"Yes ... yes of course .. no problem ... is that all? I’m unfortunately in a hurry. "Replied Donnell hastily.  
„Yes, that’s all. Thank Agent Donnell "Mulder said quietly.  
He hung up. His gut feeling was screaming alarm. Mulder detected some nervousness in Donnells voice when he had asked him about Scully. Something was wrong, which Mulder was sure of. Also Donnell was lying, after all Scully's cell phone had been tracked to his location. So why, did he say that she wasn't with him.  
This story stank to heaven. Mulders profiling brain worked immediately. Donnells voice, his nervousness, the lie, he did say he didn't know where Scully was, although her phone has been located at his house all of that did not fit together.  
Before he wanted to go to Skinner to him to talk to him about his suspicions, regarding Donnell, he tried to reach Scully on her phone again. And how could it be otherwise, he couldn't reach her. After the fourth attempt he made his way to Skinner.

8.35pm office A.D Skinner  
Mulder knocked on Skinner's door. Impatiently he shifted from one foot to the other, until Skinner him finally called him in.  
After Skinner had welcomed Mulder, he sat in one of the chairs that were placed directly in front of Skinner's desk. It no longer surprised Skinner that Mulder was still at the office despite the late hour.  
Mulder sat uneasily in his chair and began to tell Skinner about his concerns regarding Donnell and the whereabouts of Scully. Skinners raised eyebrows were an indicator for Mulder during his narrative that Skinner thought his suspicions were really adventurous.  
Mulder was convinced that Donnell was up to something and he his intuition told him that Scully was in trouble. And these difficulties were associated to Donnell, the call earlier, confirmed his theory only further.  
To convince Skinner of it, he pointed out how responsibly Scully otherwise always was. Skinner had to admit to Mulder that he was right with that point, because Scullys behavior wasn't normal for her and it didn't resemble the agent he knew. What Skinner further brought to ponder over Mulders suspicions was that Mulder's feeling regarding Scully, was rarely wrong. But he couldn't based just on feelings order a search of Donnells apartment. Also for initiating a monitoring, an intuitive feeling was too little.  
Skinner tried to make it clear to Mulder that just because Scully did not respond to his calls, which was admittedly strange, he was not able to obtain any warrants. What he needed was evidence.  
Mulder's eyes reflected pure desperation and cluelessness again. How could he get evidence? Furthermore, he felt it down to his fingertips that he wasted time. Important, vital time that Scully may not have.  
This inner horror, unable to do anything and not knowing where she was, appeared again in his gestures and facial expressions. Skinner saw this all too clear. He knew that Mulder in this emotional state, wasn't of great benefit to the investigation of Fowleys unit. Skinner had only one opportunity, he wasn't able to obtain an order concerning Agent Donnell. But he could send Mulder on patrol to locate Agent Scully because she hadn't reported back to him.  
He made Mulder the offer to go on patrol with another agent. The only condition Skinner had was that Mulder needed to sleep a few hours. Reluctantly, but glad Mulder accepted the proposal gratefully Skinner had made.  
He insisted, however, to sleep in his office because he considered it unnecessary to go home. He also wanted to not waste time when the agent that was assigned to him for the patrol entered the building. He had 48 hours. Skinner made it clear to him that he could only free an agent to patrol for 48 hours. Mulder nodded and Skinner looked at his face, which showed him that Mulder was more than grateful.

2 days later  
Meeting Room 302 J.E.Hoover Building 8.05am  
Mulder had spent the last two days monitoring Donnell. Scully's cell phone was still localized at Donnells address, the Lone Gunmen had informed Mulder about Scullys phone. But there was still no trace of Scully. If she was with Donnell in his apartment, she didn't came out once in those days. Donnell left his apartment to go shopping, went to play bowling and behaved otherwise completely normal. Just like someone who enjoyed a few days off. Mulder had devoted the last two days to watching Donnell and he hadn't slept a second.  
He didn’t want to miss the moment in which he would see Scully. Although he had an agent with him, he could not sleep anyway because his mind did not come to rest.  
When 48 hours had passed, the agents drove back to FBI headquarters. Mulder would have liked to stay before Donnells house. But he couldn't stab Skinner in the back.  
Arriving back at Hoover building Mulder made his way back to his desk in the meeting room.  
The perpetrator hadn't send anything new. 57 Of the 63 eligible women could be reached and informed. They still tried to reach the other 6 women.  
His elbows propped on his desk, his head in his palms, Mulder sat limply in his chair. Continuously thinking about all the details of the case, a sharp pain in the chest reminded him of the uncertain fate of Scully.  
Mulder glanced at his phone and looked at his display which showed that he had a new message on his voice mail. Without further ado he listened to the message.  
What he heard was not Scully's voice, but the health care professional, Dr. May. Dr.May sounded busy and concerned. She asked him urgently about Scullys whereabouts and that he should contact her. The voice of the doctor was serious, worried and full of incomprehension. Mulder decided to call her back.  
After a few seconds of waiting, a receptionist answered the handset, and passed Mulder immediately on to Dr.May.  
"Dr. May "  
"Good morning, Dr. May, Fox Mulder here. You have a message for Dana Scully "  
"Ah Mr. Mulder, yes I have. I can’t reach Dana and it is now more than urgent that she came to my office. I thought, as you two work together, you could ensure that she comes and sees me.“ Dr.May explained without hiding the urgency of her statement.  
"You see doctor, the problem is that we do not know where Agent Scully currently is. What is it all about? "Mulder asked, worried  
"I'm sorry, I can’t tell you what it is about you know that Mr. Mulder"  
„Can you tell me anything?" Mulder inquired.  
"Mr. Mulder, I'll tell you only so much, it is urgent and it crucial to Dana's health. I would not call, if it was just about a cold. She should be urgently medically supervised to make sure that she survives without any permanent damage to her health, thats all i can tell you. I am sorry!"  
"Ok. I understand. Thank you and I'll let you know, should I know something.“ Mulder said goodbye and hung up the phone frustrated. What was it that threatened Scullys health? Dr. Mays words increased his worries about Scully. He knew that Dr. May was more than serious. But what could it be that Scully had to be treated immediately.  
Apathetically he sank back in his chair and stared into space. His mind conjured the always same canon, Where are you? Scully, damn it where are you???

9.25amMeeting Room 302

The ringing of his cell phone yanked him from the wide world of his thoughts and brought him back to reality. Automatically, he reached for his cell phone and answered with an indifferent "Mulder".  
When he heard who was calling him, he stopped short. The smokescreen that had taken hold in his head seemed to have vanished in a flash and he was quick-witted again.  
"Scully where are you? I'm worried!!"  
"Mulder, listen to me. I don't have a lot of time ... "just as he wanted to interrupt her, he noticed how fragile and faltering her words sounded through the line. "Please make sure that you are reachable for the next 2 hours. Do not ask why, I’ll call again! "Her voice trembled. Mulder felt a chill down his spine, Scully rarely sounded so fragile and exhausted.  
"Okay. Scully ... Scully promise me that you will call again for sure! "He said softly.  
"Yes Mulder, I promise. I have to go. Bye Mulder! "Was the last thing what came through his earpiece. Mulder tried to sort out his emotions.  
He tried to analyze Scully's voice to the last detail. But he knew she wasn't well. If something would ever reveal anything, it was Scully's voice, and Mulder had heard her voice wasn't holding up to her normal professional external mask. He checked his cell phone to make sure it was put on a loud. No way he would miss Scully's call.

45 minutes later

Mulder was on his way from the cafeteria back to his office when he noticed that his phone vibrated and rang in his jacket pocket. Frantically he dug in his pocket for his phone.  
"Scully ... ?? !!!" he asked excitedly.  
A deep, distorted and sterile acting voice answered him and smashed his hopes on being able to talk to Scully.  
"Sorry Mister FBI. The Ice Queen will talk to you later! I'll send you a link via SMS. Open it, everything else will then be clarified. "

The conversation was terminated immediately. Mulder was standing confused in the middle of the hallway, staring at the phone in his hand. He had been right all along, Scully was in trouble. He shook his head and ran churned through the corridors on the way to Skinner's office.

10.45am office A.D Skinner

Without knocking, Mulder rushed breathlessly into Skinner's office and told him hastily what he had just learned himself. Skinner warned Mulder to quiet down, he wasn't able to follow Mulder's remarks.  
Mulder stood in front of Skinner's desk, took a deep breath and then began again with his declaration. Mulder looked at Skinner piercingly. After one second, it took Skinner to bag the new information, he reached for his phone and instructed Mulder to sit down.  
Skinner called the team of computer specialists and the localization department to his office. Mulder shifted uneasily in his chair back and forth, staring impatiently on his cell phone. The agents of the two departments made themselves at home in Skinner's office and met all the necessary preparations to locate this lunatic.

The industrious silence was broken by the ringing of Mulder's cell phone. He gave the link that he had received via SMS, to an agent who sat before a computer.  
He typed the link in the bar of the browser and promptly hit the specified website. There was still nothing but a black background to see.  
Mulder went down in the chair in front of the screen, Skinner placed his chair next to him, both were anxious to see what was going to be on the screen.  
The tense silence was interrupted by Agent Fowley. Her skeptical look wandered over the situation in Skinners office.  
"Agent Fowley, what is it?" Wanted to know Skinner.  
"I ... uh, sir, what's going on here, if I may ask?" She asked curiously.  
"We got a new link, do you have any other news? Asked Skinner, pointing to the files in her arm.  
"Yes, the remaining autopsies of the victims." Mulder sat motionless in his chair and listened to her explanations attentively. "On the bodies of all victims injuries were found in the genital area, which is due to sexual acts. In addition to the hematoma and bruises, the loss of blood by the violations was the cause of death. "

Behind Mulder's eyes all horror ideas that he had to this time firmly locked started to play out. That Scully was exposed this horror made his heart almost solidify. He counted the seconds and tapped nervously with his fingertips on the desk.  
Skinner told Diana the situation and let her know that the presumption was that Agent Scully could be the next victim, which would be shown on the homepage.

Diana approached the armchairs of Mulder and gently put her hand on his neck. Mulder turned and fixed her gaze. His cold eyes warned her to stop continuing touching him. Like she had put her finger on a hot stove, she jerked her hand back. Mulder turned back to the screen. Diana sat down, at some distance, behind Mulder and Skinner, who had also set back to his rightful place next to Mulder. All waiting for something to happen.

Suddenly a window opened. The familiar computer voice came back to speak.  
„Good morning, if you should have no headset connected to the computer, do it in the next minute, so that today's presentation can begin."  
The clock on the screen counted down 60 seconds. As much as Mulder longed for the waiting and uncertainty to be over, he was afraid that the images which had previously played out in his mind, were closer to the truth than he liked them to be.  
Before he could think any further, the transmission started and Mulder adjusted the headset on his head.  
The room was dark, only a small area was illuminated. A few seconds after the transfer was started, the shadow of a figure appeared. This shadow became smaller, and a figure stepped into the light.  
Judging by the size and stature, it was the same man as in the previous video. He wore a devil's face as a mask and was completely dressed in black. Only his hands were clad in white gloves.

"Are you ready Mister FBI?" sounded a confident, deep, muffled by the mask voice through his headset.  
Skinner and Fowley listened intently to the attached speakers.  
" What do you want? Where is Agent Scully? "Mulder tried to speak as neutral as it was possible for him.  
"No rush, Mister FBI! You will see your redhead face to face in a minute! "The masked man laughed sardonically.  
The man moved toward a switch on the wall and pressed it down him. Suddenly l the entire roomit up. The camera was turned to the left, showing the image Mulder had feared all the time. A small delicate body leaning back against a concrete pillar. Hand and ankles were shackled heavily.  
Scully's head hung unconsciously forward, Mulder couldn't see her eyes because they were blindfolded. The arms that were tied at shoulder height at the side of her body hung limply in the chains. The wrists were already skinned. The picture Mulder saw of Scully, reminded him of a crucifixion scene. Scully's hair was dull from dust, she was wearing only a T-shirt and her jeans.

Mulder screamed like crazy into his headset "Scullyyyyy .... You son of a bitch, what have you done with her ??? !!! You bastard !!!! Scullyyyy! "Skinner squeezed down on Mulders shoulders in pushing him back into his chair and giving him a look that signaled Mulder to remain calm.

"Calm down, I have only silenced her. Let us use the time. I’ll give you the unique opportunity to learn something about the Ice Queen, things you maybe never knew. You should appreciate that!“ the perp said mockingly through his headset.  
Mulders carotid throbbed violently his heart was beating almost through his chest. Scully's sight was burned immediately in his head.  
His fists clenched, he would have preferred to jump through the screen and kill the bastard with his bare hands.  
Despite these internal as well as externally visible turmoils, his focus remained on the so familiar petite body of Scully that hung motionless in the focus of the camera. He scanned Scully from head to her bare feet, always careful to recognize any changes that might occur.

He knew that he actually had to turn off his emotions to keep a clear head, but he couldn't.  
Skinner watched Mulder, his task was being a calming influence in this room. He knew about Mulder's quick temper, regarding Scully.  
The horror of losing Scully just like his sister and not being able do something about it, Mulder was drawn all over Mulders face. Mulder's body shook and Skinner was on alert to keep him on the ground, if it would be necessary.

The masked man had disappeared from the focus and now returned back with a bucket in hand. He stepped towards Scully and poured the bucket with the water, with full force against her head. Her wet hair was hanging over her face. The water dripped steadily down on her bare feet, but Scully did not move.  
He lost his temper, grabbed her red hair and yanked her head back.  
He leaned her head back against the pillar. The red line running down her chin off her swollen lower lip, was next to the blue hand print which shone on the ivory skin of her neck, a clear indication that Scully's ordeal had begun days earlier.  
When the insults that the masked man yelled at her didn't bring her back to consciousness either, he reached out and struck Scully with full force in the face. Her head flew baselessly through the air against the pillar.

"Listen you bastard if I catch you .... So help me god…Don’t touch her or I will fucking kill you, you pieces of…. "Before Mulder could scream his tirades further into his microphone he was interrupted by Skinner.  
"Mulder control yourself, that's what he wants. Get control over yourself or I'll have you removed from this room. You need to keep your emotions in check that’s the only way to help Scully. "Mulder knew Skinner was right. He needed to keep the control over his emotions. His whole body seethed and every muscle in his body was tense to the breaking point.  
He bit his teeth, his jaw clenched and you could see his heart was racing, by the rapid rise and fall of his chest.  
Just when the masked man tried to say something into the camera, his attention was turned away from the camera again by a soft moan from the back. Scully slightly lifted her head. Her chest was moving unusually fast. Mulder also saw Scully's movement and because he knew that it was possible for her to hear him in this room he called her name like a pistol shot.

Confused by the familiar voice, Scully tried to move. Since she was still wearing the blindfold, it was impossible for her make out where Mulder's voice came from. Her head boomed, her throat was parched and she felt the cold floor under her bare feet.  
Her cheek was burning and she felt the water dripping off her hair tips paving their way down her body. As she perceived a warm breath in front of her face, she winced. She knew it was not Mulder but this maniac who had held her captive for days.

The Masked man took a scalpel from his pocket and slid it over Scully's cheeks, up her lips to the blindfold. Mulder gasped. He did not know whether to say something or if that would only annoy this lunatic. He just prayed that he didn't hurt Scully with this scalpel on her face. Without being able to do something about it, the images of the victims whose face he had cut popped up in his head.  
With an impetuous jerk he severed Scully blindfold, leaving a 2-3cm long, fine cut on the outer edge of her eye. The burning section let Scully press her lips together and her body shrugged briefly.  
„What a brave little agent" he scoffed, as Scully wasn't making a sound.  
Scully tried to get used to the spotlight which was shinning directly into her face. Slowly the white, glistening light cone changed, in an unplastered, smelly and cold room. Her heart raced, she was breathing hard and when she saw the devil mask, she was suddenly reminded of Pfaster.  
She briefly closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat down and banished her memories deep in her soul. She had to maintain her composure, which is what she funneled on incessantly.  
" Let me go. And will you survive the whole thing alive! "  
"I'll survive. But if I were you, I would not be so sure.“ said the man with a smile.  
"What do you want from me?" It came combative over Scully's lips.  
„I'll show you that you made a mistake," he patted your cheek while talking to her.  
"Take your filthy hands off me!" She hissed at him.  
Although he knew that Scully was in danger, he felt a sense of pride and hope in his heart. That was his Scully. She struggled, she was strong and stood up to this madman.


	9. Chapter 9

Mulder said nothing and tried during the battle of words to identify useful details on the screen. But nothing in that room was something that gave him any insight about where they possibly be located.  
"Mister FBI. You're so calm. Do we bore you? "there was laughing through the speakers.  
"Listen, let her go, and we will interpret that as a mitigating factor for you.“  
"I decline, but thank you for your gracious offer. I prefer to enjoy my time here. We will still have a lot of fun together!“ He replied with thrill of anticipation in his voice.  
"But before we do, I leave you alone, just need get little more party equipment!" Under his own, resounding laughter he left the room.  
Mulder waited a moment until he was sure that he had left the room. The tension in Scullys muscles vanished and her limp limbs dangled in the shackles.

"Scully ... Scully ca you hear me?" Mulder asked frantically.  
"Mulder? Mulder ... yes, I can hear you ..."  
"Scully, we will find you ... you have to help us a little bit by holding on, okay?!“ he attempted to calmly reassure because she was still short of breath and her chest rose and fell frantically.  
"Are you all right? Has he done something before the cam was on? "Mulder's voice was full of anxiety and fear, and he sincerely hoped that this lunatic hadn't laid his hands on her.  
"I'm ..." A violent fit of coughing interrupted her thin sounding voice abruptly. "I'm fine. I only am thirsty, that's all…“ She answered standardly.

Shaken by a renewed attack of coughing, Scully gasped. Mulder looked frantically on the screen.

"Scully ... Scully listen to me ... Slowly ... Inhale slowly ... Listen to my voice ... Inhale. Exhale ... Inhale ... "Scully tried to focus on the familiar voice and took Mulder's rhythm. Slowly but surely, her breathing calmed.  
Although it was a weak smile, he knew that she was grateful for his help.

She was pale and looked the worse for wear. Mulder knew that the question of her well-being was useless. She would not admit that it was bad.  
Skinner asked Mulder to give him the headset, because he wanted to talk with Agent Scully.  
"Agent Scully, It’s Skinner ... we do everything in our power, we have all the available agents working this case. It's just a matter of time before we are with you. Can you give us any information? "Skinner knew as bad the situation was that it was important to gather all the details.  
And perhaps Scully noticed something important.

Scully glanced confused around the room as Skinner's voice rang out. She immediately tried to take on a more taut attitude. She couldn't give him any indication to where she was. Since she was either unconscious or was detained in a dark room.  
Skinner gave Mulder the headset back and went to the agents who worked feverishly behind him to locate Scully's whereabouts.  
"Mulder ... I ... I want to discuss something with you… alone…Can we do that?" She asked hesitantly, her eyes looking down to the floor.  
Without hesitation, Mulder had the technicians turn off the speakers so that only he could hear Scully. He had recognized by her gestures and facial expressions, that she already felt unpleasant enough to jump over her shadow and to ask him that, and therefore he did not want to deny her wish. 

"Okay, Scully, only I can hear you ... you can now use your sexy phone voice" even if she could not see him, she knew that his voice was accompanied by a winking. Mulder tried always to loosen situations up and break the ice with these allusions. He could not help but grin as she gave him THE LOOK. She rolled her eyes, but her slight smirk betrayed her.

However, when she began to speak, that grin vanished as quickly as it came.  
"Mulder, who .. so ... I mean how many agents see me, how many people are around you?" It was obvious that Scully was more than uncomfortable to be observed in this situation. She was ashamed because she looked weak and defenseless. That was something she was always concerned about.  
"Skinner, Diana, the specialists of the IT computer department, so that makes 8 and myself. Scully, you have nothing to worry about! But I’ll try to figure something out! "  
Thanking him she nodded. She did not disclose her feelings easily, so he understood.  
They understood each other without words, he knew what was bothering her and she more than once appreciated their wordlessly functioning communication, so she did not need to explain it any further.  
Mulder told Scully that he would talk briefly with Skinner, but that he was still able to hear her in case something was happening. Mulder and Skinner stepped into an adjoining room to talk privately.

Mulder was not quite sure how to put so Skinner understood, but he wanted that not everyone got to witness Scully in this situation.  
Mulder started his sentence but stopped immediately. He had underestimated Skinner once again where his empathy was concerned. Mulder had not even said more than 3 sentences, as Skinner nodded knowingly and replied that he would rebuke all uninvolved Agents out of the room, and that Agent Fowley should better take care of the coordination in the meeting room.  
Skinner knew Scully and Diana were like fire and water.

Mulder and Skinner returned to the screen. Scully's head was leaning slightly to one side and her eyelids fluttered, trying to defeat the emerging fatigue. She was so exhausted, her legs hurt from the eternal standing, her arms felt numb, cold slipped through her soles up into her fingertips. She wanted to just cuddle up in a warm bed. How long was she here anyway? She did not know, it felt, however like weeks. She was tired and knew that the only thing keeping her awake, was the adrenaline shooting permanently through her veins.  
this dose, lost their effect, she could barely stand to be with confidence.

"Scully ..." Mulder's gentle questioning voice came through to her.  
" Yes? Sorry I dozed off ... "she said apologetically.  
"It's okay, Scully, rest and save your strength... we will find you Scully!" Mulder knew he was not just talking courage into Scully, but also himself.  
Before Scully could reply, the door opened. Scully stood upright, every muscle on alert and ready to fight back.  
Scully's eyes widened when she saw what her tormentor held in his hands. She felt panic creeping into her. Mulder saw her face and knew that this meant nothing good.  
He saw how her eyes flicked frantically and she shook her head slightly ...  
"No, please ..." the words came weak and pleading over her lips.  
The masked man pulled off the protective cap from the syringe and walked towards Scully.  
„Leave her alone ...!" Mulder's cries echoed through the room. Undeterred, he unbuttoned Scullys blouse and put the syringe together with a knife that he pulled out of his waistband, next to her on the ground.

The slow movements, with which he did that, let Scully freeze. She swallowed hard as his fingers touched her. She tried to suppress the emerging tears in her eyes and she closed her them. Mulder's cries echoed in her ears.  
But she knew he was not there, he could not help her. She had to be strong, she had to get through this alone. She was not sure what was worse that this madman touched or that Mulder could see this perp touching her.

She felt him taking her blouse off her but she decided to open her eyes to look. She tried to dream herself to another location. Away from this madman, away from all the images that germinated from the past back to her.  
She felt his touch on her bare skin. His cold stroking over her chest, up to her neck. Her body began to tremble uncontrollably.  
She didn't know if the goose bumps came from the disgust she felt from his touches or of the mark penetrating cold, which had crept up more noticeable over her skin.  
Mulder's scolding voice faded more and more and she was able to move her mind away from this place.

"Open your eyes, Ice Queen!"  
Scully did not respond, she did not want to go back to this cold place.  
The hands of the madman touched her stomach, caressed it and slid his hands high above her shoulders, her neck. He ran his hands over her face, over her burning forehead and leaving his icy track of desire he felt for her.

„So the Ice-Queen is not as cold as everybody seems to thing she is.“ he said, laughing.  
He told her again to open her eyes. Scully had decided if she could not defend herself, to stand up to him by not bowing to his will and to just stay unresponsive.  
The voice of the masked man was demanding and impatient. Scully could feel the building up anger and tension by his trembling hands which constantly touched her.

He finally ran out of patience. She should fucking open her eyes. An irrepressible rush of slaps, pelted from both sides down on Scully's face. Her face changed color to a throbbing red with every second he continued slapping her.

The further and the more he struck her, the more numb her perception was getting. At first she contemplated to open her eyes, but the pain she felt at first, became numb. She no longer felt it.  
The only thing she perceived were Mulder's desperate and angry cries through the speakers.  
The frequency of slaps became less, he was breathing heavily and stopped. She felt the fog that had set himself up in her head from the beatings.

"Open your eyes you bitch!" He snarled annoyed „Don't think I’m finished with you just yet. Look at me, or I'll beat you until you'll never open your eyes again.“ His voice was threatening, but Scully did not respond.

The shallow fog in her head, held her captive. She took this captivity with gratitude, because that made it easier for her to drift off to a better place. She heard the heavy, aggressive snorts of her tormentor, but she was too tired, too tired to respond.  
Something was wrong with her, she knew it, she was a doctor. The fever was probably a remnant of her flu and maybe that was the reason she was finding it so difficult to breathe.  
But the pain in her chest was unusual, but she didn't know what he had already done to her, during the time in which she was unconscious.

Before she could continue to think any further, she felt a fist in her face. She swallowed hard, and felt the bittersweet taste of her own blood, flowing down her throat.  
"Stop it ... Damn it ..." Mulder couldn't hold back his panic anymore "Tell us what you want, we’ll get it all .... Everything, as long as you stop beating her!!! "  
"I don't want anything ... you have nothing I want!" came the arrogant reply.

Scully's head snapped again, triggered by another punch, from her left shoulder to her right. Her head hung powerless aside, her hair covered her face. Everything what was to be seen was how several drops of blood, beady sought the way off her lip down over her chin.

Mulder decided to try a different tactic, he had to bring this madman to leave her alone, at least for a certain period of time.  
"Let me talk to her ... give me 10 minutes with her alone, and I promise you, I'll handle this!"  
Astonished about the offer the masked man paused. Mulder could tell thathis proposal had hit the mark.  
He had nothing to loose, he would leave this Mulder to talk to her, and if that would not help, then he could still use his own methods. He also wanted his show to last a little longer.  
"Okay 10 minutes and you should make it clear to her who's boss in here!"  
When he had left the room, Mulder did not waste any time.

"Scully ... come on Scully ... open your eyes ... Scully talk to me" Mulder's voice was full of pleading concern.  
It took Scully a few seconds to win the fight against her upcoming black veil. Slowly and cautiously she opened her eyes.  
"Good Scully ... can you hear me?"  
She nodded.  
"Scully listen to me ... we need to stay calm and don't aggravate him more than he already is... Only then time is on our side. If he thinks he can pull off his show, he is overzealous and then he maybe makes a mistake. Do you understand?"  
Had her lips not moved, her answer would probably not have been noticed.  
Scully cleared her throat "Mulder ... something ... something is not right ..." she breathed heavily in and out before she was speaking with a wheezy voice"I ... I feel ... I can not breathe Mulder ..."  
„Scully keep breathing... keep calm ... breathe in…!"  
"I ... I'm cold ... but hot ... In my chest" She was panting harder "stings ... Mulder ... tired ... so tired" powerless She let her eyes fall for a few seconds.

Just as Mulder wanted to contact Scully again, an agent interrupted him from the background Mulder.  
"We are on to him ... the tracking progress is working... If he will not break the Internet connection we will get his location!“ the agent shouted eagerly across the room, towards Mulder and Skinner.  
"Scully ... we'll get you out ... you still have to hold out a little okay?!" Mulder's voice was hopeful, yet terrified at the sight of Scully.  
She just nodded and her muscles quivered incessantly. The goose bumps had spread over her entire body and her head ached and throbbed too.

The Masked man entered the room again and walked over to Scully. He looked at her admiringly.  
"So beautiful ..." it came as whisper from his lips and he stroked her cheek. Scully tried to hold his gaze.  
"We will make you more comfortable now," he let her know.  
"Just let me go…please…“  
"So you can go to him?! So you can get the hopes of others up and then you shamelessly break their hearts? I think you'll first have to learn your lesson you little bitch …“ his quiet voice changed in an aggressive quake in a matter of seconds.  
He took the syringe, he had placed in the floor and raised it to Scully's bare upper arm.  
"Sleep well Ice-Queen!" He kissed her cheek and laughed hysterically.  
Scully attempts to fight back were unsuccessful.  
The needle penetrated her upper arm and the liquid in the syringe was pumped into her arm.

Seconds later she felt the emerging darkness that took her over leisurely. Her eyelids were too exhausted and she let herself be enveloped by the velvety blanket of unconsciousness.  
„We'll meet again in an hour!And then we will all learn something new.“ His laughter penetrated directly into Mulder's ear.  
Before he could respond, the connection had been disconnected. Quick as a flash he turned to the agent behind him.  
„Did you get the location? he wanted to know hectically.  
"No, that was too short ... we can only determine a radius. It is in the area Foxhall Crescent."  
Mulder sighed resignedly. He had hoped that they would get an exact address. Again and again the images of Scully shot through his head. How exhausted she looked. How this loathsome bastard touched and stripped her out of her clothes.  
"Well, let’s prepare the mobile surveillance van and tell the other agents that they should enter their cars, we will scour the area. I'll meet you in 15 minutes in the garage. "Skinner's authoritative voice prompted every agent to follow his instructions. Skinner and Mulder were now alone in his office.  
Mulder looked exhausted and drawn by his worries and fears. Skinner let his gaze wander over his agent and handed him a coffee.  
"Mulder, we will find her. Come on, let’s go to the surveillance van. "Skinner tried to maintain an optimistic expression.  
Mulder's lanky figure rose wearily from his chair. He nodded gratefully to Skinner for his words and both men made their way to take their place in the surveillance van.

Inside the surveillance van 4.40pm

Mulder and Skinner sat with two agents of the computer IT department in the backcourt of the van and waited for the lunatic to turn on the connection again. No one said a word, Mulder chewed nervously on his lower lip awaiting for something to happen. His foot rocked in the always same cycle.  
After endless twenty long minutes, the screen and the window flickered open again.

A beam of light fell from the ceiling to the floor, it lit the delicate, bruised body lying there on the floor. Scully's head was lowered to one side, her eyes were closed. Her arms lay horizontally stretched away from her body. Her legs were spread apart and her ankles were attached to heavy shackles that allowed no movement.

Mulder sat down at lightning speed and put his headset on, trying to wake her. Again and again he called her name. Scully moved a bit, but she seemed to be caught in her dream world.  
Suddenly a voice rang out in Mulder's headset.  
"If you want to awaken your little friend, click on the button to the left of the window, otherwise I will personally wake her up. It is your decision.“ He did not know whether to trust this computer voice or not.  
"You have 60 seconds to decide" was all he was told.

Skinner and Mulder looked at a loss, everyone seemed to weigh in his mind whether it was useful and helpful to push this button. What if it was a trap? But Mulder didn't want to know under any circumstances, what the personal wake up call would look like. Skinner nodded to Mulder. Mulder reluctantly clicked on the link. His eyes were fixed on the screen.

Vast amounts of water suddenly shot over Scully. She gasped and gasped, her eyes torn open in panic, trying to orient herself. Endlessly the icy waters crackled down on her.  
She coughed, shook her head, trying not to get more water into her airways.

Equally abruptly as it had begun, it stopped again. The ice water had flooded the entire room and Scully was lying freezing in the ankle-deep water.  
Her attempts to stand up were in vain. Her chest ached violently. She squinted her eyes for a moment, the cursing pain.

"Scully ... Open your eyes Scully ..." Mulder looked concerned on the in pain narrowed eyes of his partner.  
"Mulder ... stings again ..." She was quietly stammering.  
"Heart, Mulder ... I ... I think ... my heart ... I ... something is wrong ...." It came short of breath, exhausted and in despair over her lips.  
It broke Mulders heart, to see Scully so desperate.  
She was obvious in pain and she seemed to get worse and worse.  
He would love to carry all of her burdens for her. She should, in his opinion, only feel the lightness of life, free from all encumbrances, because she was the best thing that had ever happened to him and thats why he hated when he could do nothing for her.

The masked man strode out of the blue back in the picture. He knelt between your spread legs and looked down at Scully.  
"Are we finally awake?! I think we will move on a little faster, this show is starting to bore me.“ He said calmly.

His hands moved without hesitation over her, only clothed by a bra, body. Scully swallowed the cocktail of despair, anger, pain, shame and fear which was stuck in her throat.  
He explored impetuously her porcelain-colored skin, caressing her and stroking over her collarbone. His fingers drifted down to her breasts, his fingertips playing with the fabric, which stuck to her wet body.  
Again and again Scully closed her eyes, hoping she could forget any contact and touch of his hands. Instantly she felt the cold kiss of her tormentor on her skin.  
The cold shiver caused by his kisses spread over her, starting from her belly button over her breasts, collarbone, over her shoulder, down her arm.  
He kissed her wrist when Scully suddenly grabbed and tore at the mask he was wearing over his face. She wanted to know who this maniac was. And that was her opportunity. She tugged at the silicone material between her fingers.  
That couldn't be true. No, this is not true, this can’t be true, why? She could barely think straight when she saw who it was that did these torments to her.

Mulder and Skinner could not see who Scully had just torn the mask off. The only thing they saw were Scully's shocked wide-open eyes staring at the face before her in disbelief.

"You…?! Why ?! „ Scullys cold trembling lips whispered stunned and quietly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> explicit violence and rape. if you don't like it don't read this chapter.

"You do not know why? Are you kidding me ... Don't pretend that you don't know why …“ he replied snorting with rage.  
Mulder and Skinner were restless. Scully knew this madman. They wanted to know for whom they had to look. Mulder shifted uneasily back and forth in his seat in the van.  
"I ... no, I do not know why ... Just let me go ... Please ...!" Scully tried to maintain a neutral voice.  
„You can’t get back to him fast enough..." the man said sarcastically.  
Scully didn't know what he was talking about and her expression made no secret out of her cluelessness. Before she could continue, he struck her with full force into the face.  
A painful experience which she was sure of that it was not the last time.  
"You're playing with me, give me hope, and I bet I'm not the only one you've messed around with ... you're just like all the other sluts ... I will no longer tolerate that. You belong to me now and I will show you that you are not worth a damn. I’ll only give you back what you deserve for your behavior and now shut your MOUTH! "  
Scully said nothing, she saw his aggressive sparkling eyes she flashing at her. She decided not to say anything, in the hope that he would calm down. She had to keep a cool head.  
He immediately went back over her body, touched every inch, kissed her and Scully could feel his growing excitement.

Her body tensed, every muscle was tense, she repeatedly closed her eyes. Always with the hope that he would leave her alone as soon as she re-opened her eyes. Without warning, he let go of her. Just to take silvery scalpel into his hand. Scully shook her head begging silently. He smiled at her.  
With a jerk he cut her bra.

Scully narrowed her eyes and leaned her head aside in shame. She tried with all her might to hold back the tears that had formed behind her closed eyes. At least she succeeded at holding her tears back, she thought.  
Mulder's cries and words echoed incessantly through the room, but were ignored by her tormentor.

Scully began to breathe heavily as she felt his tongue on her skin. She had to constantly remember that Mulder and Skinner could see everything. His tongue moved over her and covered her with a cold shower.

His hands wandered down on her. He hooked this fingers into the waistband of her pants. Scully abruptly stopped breathing. She was holding her breath as her body tensed even further.  
"Jason, please ..." her now bluish cold lips pleaded with him.

Mulder needed a second until it made sense to him. Jason …Donnells first name was Jason. That couldn't be true.  
"Donnell take your hands off of her!" Mulder's impatient voice shouted downright in his headset.  
Amazed that Mulder even knew his name, he let go of Scully and turned around.  
At this moment, Scully breathed out the air audibly that she had been holding in.  
"You had your time with her, now it's my turn!" Donnell grinned at the camera.

Undeterred by Mulders further calls and insults, he turned back to the petite person who lay still in front of him.  
Skinner eagerly discussed with the agents of the locating unit how they were doing, besides that by he called the other agents to question them if they had any news.  
They had no success in their search so far. Mulder turned around to the agent behind him and his loud, frantic voice intimidated the two agents.  
"How long do you need to get this damn location? What is taking so damn long??!! "  
"We do what we can!" the agents answered meekly.  
"Then do what you can but faster!" Mulder hissed at them.

Donnell leant over Scully smiled a greedy smile at her and started to further explore her body. He enjoyed the feeling of power that he now had over her. She had told him, you didn't have time and then he saw her with Mulder every time.  
She was another one of those sluts who ridiculed him. All his life he got rejected, but now he had the power, he was in control and it excited him more than anything else.  
Scully did not move, she lay motionless, as if paralyzed, staring with empty eyes at the ceiling above her. Mulders heart broke inwardly when he saw the emptiness in her eyes.  
Those eyes which otherwise wore all her emotions and sparkled with life, were now dull and expressionless.  
With a scalpel in his hand, he cut the rest of Scullys clothes off. He was proud of himself, as she was laying naked in front of him. She was beautiful and no one could stop him now. Scully closed her eyes again, overwhelmed by shame, anger and the pain that grew in her chest with every passing minute.  
Her breathing was hectic and she held her eyes closed, she no longer wanted to see the face of Donnell. She was ashamed that she appeared nude on the screen, no one should be able to see that. She was angry, of not being able to defend herself, angry at herself, of not being able to get herself out of this situation. “How many times do I have to tell you to keep your fucking eyes open?!!!“ He angrily struck Scully with both of his fists in the face.  
She felt her throbbing cheek, her aching jaw and how the blood from her ruptured lip again made its way down her chin. Her head flew shaken by the blows back and forth, finally she lifted her head again and opened her eyes exhausted.  
She decided for herself to remain strong and continued to stare at the ceiling. She had to endure it, otherwise she risked that he completely forgot himself and beat her to death in his rage.  
She swallowed hard, trying to bury the humiliating feeling in the depth of her soul.  
She knew what was descending upon her.  
Donnell opened his pants and placed himself between Scully spread legs. His face wandered over her torso, he kept kissing and nibbling her incessantly.  
Scully tore her eyes wide open in pain. Her glazed look continued to stare at the same point on the ceiling.  
With each inch, he penetrated further into her, it was getting harder for her to restrain her tears. She pursed her lips and bit her teeth together.  
She didn't want to sob or cry out in pain, she would not admit him the satisfaction. His hips moved brutal over her.  
* Mulder help me * A lone tear made his way out of her eye and ran silently down her cheek.  
Mulder saw how Scully's lips moved silently, no sound left her mouth. But he knew exactly what she said. It broke his heart, he couldn’t help her.  
He had promised her he would always be there for her, to protect her from everything and he would never let someone hurt her anymore. And now he had to watch as Scully had to endure the worst things he could have imagined.  
After minutes that seemed like endless hours to her, Donnell lay exhausted on her body. Shortly thereafter, he pulled out of her, closed his pants and walked out of the room. Her eyes fell closed in resignation. She felt miserable, dirty and used.  
"Scully ... Scully ... stay with me!" Mulder couldn't manage to hide his fear.  
Nothing. She did not move. No reaction.  
"Scully, come on please ... pleasseeee... .Stay with me!" Mulder's pleading voice broke. Him too escaped a tear. His face reflected the pure panic again, the panic of a man who seemed to lose the most valuable possession he had on earth.  
"C'mon Scully ... please ... do not give up Scullyyyyy!" All his despair swung in Mulder's voice now.  
Slowly Scullys lids flickered and she opened her eyes cumbersomely. Her look empty and rigid stared at the ceiling once again. Her lips moved continuously without however letting escape a sound out of her mouth.

Mulder did not know whether to be relieved that she had opened her eyes again or if he should be worried about her trancelike state.  
Scully's entire body was covered with goose bumps and her lips were now dyed completely bluish.  
Mulder tried to speak words of hope to her, but he did not know if his voice even got through to her, since she neither replied nor averted her gaze from the ceiling.  
He had never seen his born fighter so apathetic.  
Mulder looked over his shoulder at the two agents. His look said more than a thousand words.

How long could it take to locate a damn place. Mulder felt how time was trickling as fine as sand through their fingers.  
"The radius is now within 20 miles, in a maximum of 15 minutes, we have him!“ hope was shining in the voices of the agents. Skinner put a comforting hand on Mulder's shoulder and nodded knowingly about Mulder's concern.

Donnell returned to the room. Armed with an assortment of different scalpels. Neatly, he ranked them next to Scully. Scully did not flinch. A cloud of gray haze and the feeling of dull cotton wool, set up resident in her soul as well as in her limbs.  
„It is time to glam you up now!“ Donnell said cynically.  
He took the first scalpel. This was a small one with a short blade, which was meant for fine, precise cuts.  
Mulder knew it made no sense to shout, he could only sit and watch. He knew the more he screamed around, the more he would encourage Donnell.

Donnell put the scalpel to Scully's eye and slit it up to her cheekbones with little pressure. A fine track, a red line, flitted over Scully's right cheek. Scully blinked, but no further response followed. Stunned, Mulder held his hands to his face. His eyes blinked over the top of his fingertips on the screen.

Donnell wanted to hear her beg, just as the others had done. He wanted her to beg him to be spared. He wanted to see her break. She should pay for it, that she, just like all the other women he had met, had fucked him over and replaced him by another man.  
Next, he put the scalpel at the center of her left cheek and the cool metal glided over her cheek, across her lips down to the chin and another red track marked Scully's face.  
„Nobody will want you looking like that again" breathed Donnell in Scully's ear, "You're gonna wish you never rebuffed me...."

Her lack of response made him angry. Why didn't she beg or whine?!  
Furious, he shook her and stared at her.  
"Better start begging for your life you little bitch, otherwise it's over faster than you think!" He hissed angrily.  
Scully said nothing, she only breathed frantically, gasping for air. Donnell snorted. Eventually, she would bow, he was sure of that.

He grabbed a jagged scalpel, held it to Scullys eyes and grinned cheerfully. Scully looked at him vacantly.  
He sat the jagged scalpel on her torso. After a few minutes more and more gaping lacerations paraded from her shoulders over her neckline to her navel.  
The cuts looked more like lacerated wounds, which at least was the first thing Skinner thought when he saw the "cuts".  
Scully's torso resembled a map with dark red rivers whose courses slowly spread out over her body.  
Meanwhile Scully's eyes snapped shut, she moved into her darkness, and it was not unpleasant to be surrounded by this darkness.

Mulder sat stunned and shocked by the screen, silent tears flowed silently down his cheeks. His thoughts were interrupted abruptly by an agent behind him.  
"We have the address!"  
Skinner immediately reached for his cell phone and informed all available agents, so that they got on their way as soon as possible.  
Mulder looked around and looked at the agent  
"How long?" Was all that came over Mulder's lips.  
"15 minutes and we're there," came the calm response.  
Mulder shifted nervously in his seat and began to check his gun. He, like all other agents, knew that Donnell was armed.

His eyes fell back to the screen, by no means he wanted to let her out of his sight, until they arrived at their destination. He swallowed his tears and tried to focus his thoughts on what was lying ahead of him.  
He was pulled out of his concentration, as suddenly Donnell furiously struck Scully. Donnell yelled at her constantly, to kindly do what he wanted. Donnells fists flew over her face like a hurricane.  
Mulder got up from his seat and shouted impatiently and angry at the driver.  
„Drive faster… Damn it, speed the fuck up!!!“  
"Mulder calm down. Concentrate,if you are loosing your shit now, I will ensure that you wont participate in the operation. So pull yourself together! "Skinner's voice held no doubt that he would be serious about his words.

Snorting Mulder sat back down, pulled his bulletproof vest under his leather jacket, waiting for them to arrive at the destination.  
Donnell was meanwhile besides Scully and paced restlessly and pondering. How could he break her will, he nervously ran his fingers through his hair, chewing on his thumb and ran up and down again.

Mulder looked at Scully, he swallowed hard. Her porcelain-colored skin was interrupted by red rifts, her lips turned blue, dirty feet from the ground. An infinite gravity broadened in his heart, unknowingly he drove his finger over the screen and traced her silhouette, he whispered: "Hold on Scully, I need you badly ..."  
„Now I'll show everybody whom you belong to!“ a satisfied grin began to spread across his face.  
Nobody could stop him, he was sure. He started with the knife on her hip he put it down and scratched his first letter into her chilled to the bone body. "M" emblazoned now on her hip. Smugly he considered his act.

Scully drifted further and further down into the valley of darkness. The waves of pain had become too overwhelming to fight against them.  
"I'm sorry Mulder, I'm sorry ..." was all that crossed her thoughts. But as much as she wanted to hold on for her and him, she had reached the end of her strength. The pleasantly warm sleep of the darkness was becoming too seductive.

Donnell didn't care that his victim was barely conscious, probably didn't live to see him completing his masterpiece.  
Next to the "M" followed obliquely next to her navel, an "I". With relish, he sat the next letter on the other side of the navel. "N". How perfect this red letters contrasted themselves from her ivory skin, he was fascinated and at the same time highly pleased with himself.

The "E" should be placed below the breast. As he started to cut, the door to his cellar was roaringly cracked open. Blinded by flashlights, shocked he had dropped his scalpel to the ground. Loud shouting and multiple agents threw themselves at him. Dragged him to the ground and put him in handcuffs.

While this random war of voices, flashlights and agents all focused on Donnell, Mulder ran to Scully, who was still tied to the frosty cellar floor. He immediately took off his jacket and put it over her battered and bloodied body.  
He immediately reached for her pulse.

Nothing.

He put your head back and started to blow air through his mouth into her lungs.

No pulse.

As he continued with the CPR, he shouted across the room exasperated.  
"Someone get those damn shackles off of her! Quick!! Dammit !! "  
Again he tried to fill her lungs with air.  
While he kept pressing on her chest, three Agents liberated Scully from her shackles. Skinner hurried to Mulder, who tried in a trance-like manner to revive Scully.  
The blanket Skinner had brought, was carefully laid over Scully's body. Apathetic Mulder repeated his actions. Tears of helplessness and despair flowed freely down his cheeks. Without thinking about it, about who could hear him, he let his words out without thinking about them.  
"Scully do not do this to me .... Come on breathe …!! "

Skinner fumbled on her throat again for a sign of life.  
His face contorted with resignation and he shook his head.  
He then turned around and shouted at the Agents with a commanding, husky voice:  
"Where the hell is the ambulance?"  
„They should be here at any minute now" was what came back from the set of agents.

"Breathe Scully ... Do not leave me alone ... I ... We" Mulder stopped short when he had to swallow his overpowering tears "... You will not die here, Do you hear that Scully ...not here, not now ... so fucking breathe Scully!" he endlessly pleaded with her to return back to him.

None of the other agents dared to even say a tone, or to even just breathe to loudly. Only Mulders words and prayers which he said in a never-ending canon broke the dead silence.  
The suddenly arriving paramedics broke this atmosphere abruptly.  
Skinner pulled Mulder off Scully, so the paramedics had space and now the specialists were able to take care of her.  
Immediately Scully was plugged to a mobile heart monitor and this indicated what Mulder and Skinner had previously palpated.

Nothing. No pulse, no heartbeat.

As on of the paramedics removed the jacket off Scully's chest, he faltered in the face of what he saw. He put the defibrillator on her chest, and the first impulse thundered through her petite body.

Nothing.

Mulder whimpered into his in front of his mouth folded hands "Come on Scully, fight ... come on, don’t give up…Don’t leave me…Don’t do this to us…come on…“


	11. Chapter 11

The emergency physician instructed to increase the Joule number from 200 to 300. He tried again and the next stronger power surge went through Scully's body like a lightning strike.  
The beeping sound that the heart monitor was making was the most beautiful thing Mulder had ever heard. The tone that signaled to him that the life in Scully was back. A small smile of joy was spreading over Mulder's face.

In no time Scully was hoisted on a carry. The emergency doctor and his medics were eager to push needles into her veins, to equip her with the oxygen mask and care for her wounds.  
When Scully was pushed into the ambulance, Mulder ran after her stretcher.  
His eyes hadn't left her for one-second. The doors of the ambulance closed and Mulder stood paralyzed on the road. Only now he realized what had happened. He almost had lost her, she nearly was gone. Donnell, he wanted to get him. Mulder turned on his heel and walked back.

He saw Donnell and his expression was bitter, angry and drawn by pain. Stoically he strode with clenched fists over to Donnell.  
"You bastard ... Are you happy?! ... If she dies, then ..."  
However, before his hands could reach Donnell's throat, Skinner stepped between him and Donnell and fixed Mulder eyes.  
"Agent Mulder, other things are more important now, don't you thing?“  
Skinner watched him long and urgent, without blinking once. Exhausted Mulder's head lowered and he nodded. Mulder ran his fingers through his hair, turned and made his way to call a taxi.

Skinner cared about all the paperwork on the spot, gave the Agents instructions and then closed the distance to Mulder with quick steps.  
He let Mulder know that he could use a car from another agent. Mulder nodded in agreement and went towards the car on.  
When he was about to get into the driver's side, he heard Skinner's voice, which instructed him to sit in the front passenger seat. Mulder had no desire and no nerve to argue with Skinner about who was driving, so he followed Skinner's instructions.

On the way to the hospital Skinner informed Scully's mother. She let Skinner know that she would be on her way immediately. Mulder looked lost out the passenger window and said nothing. Trapped in his fear and anxiety, and too busy with his thoughts, he could only stare out the window. Skinner knew that conversation would make little sense, and accepted the prevailing silence.

George Washington University Hospital  
10.35pm ICU waiting room

Mulder and Maggie Scully sat silently together waiting in the impersonal waiting room of the hospital. Scully had been in surgery for over 2 hours now.  
No one could or wanted to say something to them. Mulder stared silently at the linoleum floor, and then turn to watch the pointer of the clock as it slowly circled.  
He silently prayed that she managed to hold on, he still had so much to say and to set the record straight. So much had gone wrong lately.  
Maggie put her hand gently on his shoulder. It was a gesture he already knew. She knew he blamed himself, as he always did when something happened to Dana.Her warm smile full of forgiveness full looked hopeful into his face. "Fox, Dana is strong. Don't blame yourself for things that you had no power over. This isn't helping Dana.“Maggie's voice was marked by maternal warmth that Mulder appreciated so much.  
The touch of austerity, which resonated in her voice when she said the last words, made it involuntarily clear that she expected that he would pull himself together for Dana.  
The few details that Maggie Scully got to hear before she arrived in the waiting room where enough for her to know that she and her daughter both needed the help of Fox to get through this all. He was Dana's confidant and this confidant was what she was going to need the most.  
"I'm just afraid... afraid to get no chance ... to make things right…You know Maggie, I should have taken care of her." Mulder could not help but to scourge himself. These words made Maggie aware of how fragile Mulder currently was because otherwise, he would not display his feelings so openly, at least not in front of her.  
"No matter what it is Fox, it all be okay ... But you are not helping her if you blame yourself for these things, which happened. God has his own ways, even if we do not understand it ... "Maggie looked him steadily in the face, she held his gaze incessantly. "Everything will be okay Fox, I am counting on you helping her to get better, because she won’t accept help from any other person. And I trust you with Dana.“ She smiled warmly at him.  
„I'll try my best Maggie, I’ll do everything I can to make her get better. Everything ... I'll make it up to her.“ His honest eyes met Maggie's. She hugged him briefly and then decided to get them both a coffee.  
Mulder could only marvel about this woman, she had already lost a daughter, now her second and last daughter was going to fight out her battle with death and she was giving him hope and strength. And it was she who gave him consolation through her gestures. Actually it should be reversed in this case, Mulder thought.  
But it was only a reaffirmation for where Scully got her strength and ability to suffer from. It was probably this Scully-Women-Gen, at first they always looked after the well-being of others.  
He would not let Scully down, as well as her mother. She had already given him so much, much more than he could ever have hoped for, and now it was his time that he returned something.

00.25am Waiting-room George Washington University Hospital

Mulders long lanky frame was leaning in one of the plastic chairs. His head leaned against the wall and his eyes were closed. Maggie had covered him with his jacket because he had refused to go home.  
He wanted to wait until Scully came out of surgery, he couldn't leave without having seen her first. But he eventually got overpowered by his fatigue. Now that the adrenaline was no longer pumping through his veins, it was easy for his sleep to defeat him.  
Maggie Scully looked at Mulder and could not help but smile and shake her head at the same time.  
The two were incomparable stubborn when it came to such things. She knew Dana would just act the same way he did. Therefore, she had given up trying to send him home.  
A middle-aged man came through the doors of the ICU and was aiming for the waiting room. Margaret Scully looked at the doctor concerned. They stretched out their hand slightly Mulder and gently touched his shoulder to wake him. Mulder woke up immediately and rubbed the sleep from his eyes hastily. When he realized where he was, he rose from his chair and stood next to Maggie.  
The doctor introduced himself as Doctor Albers and shook both of their hands. Impatiently they listened to what the physician had to say.

"Your daughter is doing well under the circumstances. She has 4 broken ribs, was strongly hypothermic when she was brought in here, and the cuts were treated and partially sewn. We also had to perform a pericardiocentesis. This means we have placed a drain into the pericardium of your daughter so we can drain liquid out of her system.  
We have learned from Doctor May that this was a disease that may have been caused by a flu infection previously. By circumstances, the pericarditis has exacerbated to the extent that we had no choice but to put this as drainage in.What still worries us are the eyes of your daughter.  
Due to the enormous trauma to her face, especially to the eyes, we had to surgically intervene to get the chance back that your daughter will be able to maintain her vision. The injuries to the cervix, which we have seen, can also bring lower abdominal pain and some bleeding. We will have to watch that closely. Because of the various injuries, we give her combined analgesics too. The most important thing at the moment is therefore that she is resting, keeping absolute bed rest is most important for the next weeks and also keeping stress away from her. I would ask you to come back tomorrow. She really needs to rest now. "He smiled reassuringly. „She definitely must have had more than just one guardian angel.“

Maggie shook Doctor Albers hand and thanked him for everything he had done for her daughter.  
"Excuse me Doctor Albers, can I see her, just for a minute?!“ Mulder's voice was thin and pleading. The last few days had left their mark on his face, as well as in his voice. Despite the pleading tone in his voice, Doctor Albers saw on Mulder rushed expression and his resolute face that it was probably better to grant him this wish.

"Okay but only briefly, and then she should rest. I would like to talk to the both of you in the morning again. We need to go over certain things concerning to the treatment and recovery of Dana. „Maggie nodded and Mulder waited impatiently to see Scully.

Maggie Scully hugged Mulder quickly and went on her way home. She decided to give Fox this moment with Dana alone. She knew he was the most important thing for Dana and when he was with her it helped her more than anything else.  
Even if she had more than just one guardian angel, it was the next three days, which she had to survive. Only then, according to Dr. Albers they could be sure that she was really out of the woods.  
Also therefore, Maggie Scully had decided to rest again before in the next few days she wouldn't get a lot of opportunities to do so. Mulder, however, one would only meet at home over the next days only to change his clothes and taking the associated shower that came with the changing of his clothes.

G. W. University Hospital - ICU rooms 5

Being dressed in the proper hospital chasm, a nurse showed him the way to Scully. At the door she turned and walked back. Mulder took a moment and closed his eyes briefly, before he pressed down the doorknob to enter.

His breath caught in his lungs. When he saw that she wore a bandage over her eyes, suddenly the images of her kidnapping from years ago were flashing through him. Back then she lay completely motionless with eyes glued shut in her hospital bed too.  
The sight that he saw now, was very similar to this in a horrible way. Peeping monitors, countless tubes were scattered like roads crisscross over her, going inside her and around her. Her skin was pale, at least what he could see of it among the many patches and bandages.  
Quietly he went next to her bed.

His eyes fell immediately on the cuffs in which Scully's wrists were fixed to the bed. He did not know what to make of it. On the one hand it was certainly intended only for her own protection, on the other hand, she could panic even more when she could not see anything and didn't know where she was. And she again would feel the sense of shackles around her wrists. He had to clarify and talk to a nurse or the doctor afterwards.

Deliberately brushing his fingertips feather across her forearm. His gaze was fixated on her face. What he saw, her lips, her hair, he wanted to memorize as much as possible of Scully. The more details he repeatedly memorized of her, the less someone could take her from him, at least it was what he imagined and told himself.  
He knew as he stood silently at her bed, that his entire world lie idle in this bed. As long as she was not back with him, giving him her raised eyebrow, talking him out of his nonsense actions, as long as she didn't snort „Mulder,you can't be serious“ as long as he was not feeling her brief touches that chased joyful flashes through his limbs, as long as he could not see her, although rare, but beautiful Scully-smile, he ceased to exist.

He put His hand under her, only his thumb circled gently over the back of her hand. It seemed to him as if even the most loving touch, could hurt her,she looked so fragile and bruised.  
Mulder said, nothing out loud, only in his mind, he put his feelings in words. Once, she was awake, he would tell her what she meant to him and what he saw when he looked at her.  
Her hair fell wildly over her forehead and her bandage, which laid across her forehead. Instinctively he stroked the strands aside. It was one of those familiar gestures between them. He abruptly missed her shy, awkward smile she always got when he did that.

He placed a gossamer kiss, next to the infusion needle at back of her hand and let his thumb continued its lonely circuits over her soft skin.  
To feel her skin again and to touch her again was as if life was pumping through his veins again. He could feel it from the fingertips to his toes and in every cell of his body.  
He was simply happy to know she was safe and away from that lunatic. Although he knew that they had to overcome the next 3 days, he could not wipe off the relieved smile he wore on his face.

It was amazing how a man's world could fit into 5’3“.

G.W. University hospital 7.05am  
Office Doctor Albers  
Mulder and Maggie Scully sat in the room of the doctor and waited for him to get back from an emergency.  
After 10 minutes, the door opened and a jaded doctor Albers walked into the room. He excused himself for being late and then sat in his chair, in front of Mulder and Maggie Scully.  
"As I have already told you, we have to wait the next three days to see how she is really doing. However, I want you to know, what will be in store for you, if she survives this. "  
Mulder and Maggie nodded attentively.  
"You will need help her, the bandage over her eyes will be there for 2-3 weeks. Besides, I think will according to what I know now, she will need psychological support to process the incident.  
Her cuts need to be treated, normally she could do it herself but since she cannot see, this will be something that someone else has to take care of. Should strong abdominal pain or dizziness occur, you should bring her here immediately. We should play it safe to avoid late complications."  
Maggie Scully looked over at Mulder. Both knew Dana's main asset was her independence that she didn't like to give up for anything in the world. She accepted it more than rarely, if someone wanted to help her. It would be hard for her to be in need of assistance almost 24/7.  
Mulder had to little chuckle to himself, he knew that the hurricane Scully would romp, but at least she was alive.  
He did not care, how difficult this time would be, he would just be happy to hear her voice even if she was spraying sparks.  
And he constantly hoped that the hurricane Scully was still alive and was not broken by Donnell.  
Just as Doctor Albers wanted to pursue his subsequent comments, a nurse opened his door frantically.  
"Doctor Albers Code Blue Room 5" It came quickly over the lips of the nurse who had hardly spoken the words before running back again.  
Doctor Albers jumped up from his chair and sprinted towards the said room. Mulder and Maggie sat momentarily speechless, until the words of the nurse had probably found her way in their heads.  
"Room 5 ... Scully." Was all Mulder muttered.  
Maggie Scully could not followMulders steps as he rushed towards the room of her daughter.  
As Maggie arrived at the room of her daughter, she saw two nurses were busy stopping Mulder from storming into the room of Scully.  
Maggie found her place besides him and pressed her hand lightly around his forearm. Mulder's frantic eyes met her worried ones.  
Maggie pushed Mulder to the side so that the door to Dana's room was unoccupied. His eyes fell through the glass panes. Doctor Albers and three nurses were passing syringes, vials and other to unknown thing around Scully.  
The hallway on which he stood was quiet. His eyes fell on the on the horizontal line on Scully's heart monitor. Code Blue.  
He hadn't been with her. Her heart had stopped beating. He had not been with her, he should have stayed next to her. He should have given her reasons to stay with him. He was not there, so she had made her decision against him.  
He was not there when she probably fought to return to her life. She probably had needed his voice to guide her back just like after her abduction. She had been as strong as his beliefs.  
But this time he was not there to give her a clue with his voice in which direction the right road was.  
The tears flowed silently over Mulder's cheeks.  
His arms hung limply down to its long shape.  
The only thing that moved were his lips, the words that left them were silent prayers of a nomad who had in a desert full of lies, found the truth through the eyes of his heart.  
„Don’t go ... please ....Come back ..."  
He slowly closed his eyes, his silent murmur, sending prayers to any available power in this world.  
„Let her live ... Please ... Let her heart beat ..."  
He opened his eyes, a nurse glanced at the monitor whose line was still not moving, difficulty swallowing and shaking her head in resignation.

Maggie Scully stood silently besides Mulder and pressed into his forearm harder. Mulder nodded absently, so Maggie knew he still was aware of her even if his eyes and thoughts were fixated on Scully. On the battlefield of Mulder's face raged a fierce battle between the smile of the never ending hope and the watery eyes that looked forward into to the bitterness of the world.

With every second Mulder attended watching Scully's struggle for her life, a little piece of his heart drifted into the depths of darkness, from which there would be no return. He knew the pitch-black fog of death was waiting for her and grinned expectantly at the possibility of wrapping her soul up and taking her away from him.


	12. Chapter 12

Just when the doctor took down the defibrillator from Scully chest, a steady beeping came from the monitor. Everyone present breathed out audibly, relieved to see her heart beating again, immediately the doctor gave instructions to his nurses. The most important thing now was to stabilize the existing but although very weak vital signs Scully showed, if they would not want to lose her again.

The interrupted beeping that came out of Scully's room, echoed in Mulder's ear. It was the symphony of life to him. As long as he heard this individual sounding beeps from the device, she was with him. He never thought that he could enjoy the sounds of this device so much. He took a deep breath and then turned to Maggie Scully.

Maggie Scully's hands were folded in prayer in her lap. Mulder looked over at her and saw how her knuckles were white from clutching her hands together hard. At first she had not noticed that Mulder had turned to her, but then she looked at him in despair and watching him expectantly.

"She's back with us," Mulder said these words so quietly that they were barely audible. The youthful smile that accompanied his tear stricken wet face, was the only indication that her daughter had done it again. Immediately Maggie jumped up from her previously stiffened and strained sitting position and looked along with Mulder, through the glass, in the room of her daughter.

Three days later- 5.35am

G.W.Universityhospital Room 5

Mulder had spent his whole time sitting on her bed next to her, reading to her, telling her anecdotes or simply touching her. He felt lost, empty and burned out. Like an old porous rubber band that could tear at any minute now. Scully hadn't even been fully conscious the whole time.  
The doctor had told him that this was normal and that it would help her healing process if she would get as much sleep as possible.  
He knew that Dr. Albers was right. Nevertheless, the situation was gnawing on his nerves.

Thus, he had no choice but to wait. He ate little, he didn't think about sleeping either even though he was with her. Maggie supplied him every time she visited with sandwiches and other homemade delicacies, because she thought that the hospital food was not particularly tasty anyway. He politely thanked her, but usually he could not more than two or three bites down.

His face was pale, dark shadows lined his eyes. How much weight he had lost, he did not know and he didn't care. Skinner had visited a few times, his attempts as well as Maggie’s to convince him to go home for a couple of hours, echoed unheard through the room.

He didn't want to leave her alone again, he would be there if she needed him. He simply didn't want to give her a reason to listen to the shallow sounds of darkness again. For a second time, the sweet sound of death would not release her and then his voice would not get through to her, he was sure of that.

The first rays of sunlight shone through the open window. It was a mild spring morning. The dull yellow glow of the rising sun rays glided, like a lovers caressing hand over Mulders signed by the last few days face. The refreshing breeze woke Mulder's tired spirits. He stood up from his chair, stretched, and turned for a moment to the window, to see the sunrise.

Lost in thought, he sat on Scully's bed, holding her hand and telling her what he saw. Doubts and worries crept over his already in worry lines laying face like the last light of the setting sun going down behind the stone hills of a mountain range. How much of his Scully would awake again, how much of her was still left after these events? All that would be answered only when Scully was awake again.

Suddenly Scully drove up high in her bed, beating around herself wildly and screaming for help. Startled, Mulder looked to Scully before he realized that she did not know that she was safe. She had to believe that she was still in the hands of this madman.  
The panic turned the ignition key in her brain over and her hands flew at full speed through the air, struck around and tore at all they could grab.

"Scully ... Scully ... calm down!" He tried to hold her hands when she was just trying to tear down her eye bandage. „Scully… Don't ... c'mon calm down ... You are safe ...!" Gently Mulder tried to reassure Scully to calm down. He kept her hands down firmly he felt the tension in her body. Scully was breathing heavily. Her pulse was racing.

She was safe. Mulder. She heard his voice, felt his arms on her. Why was it dark? She felt something soft around her head. Her medical mind immediately tried to analyze what was wrong with her due to what she was feeling . But she failed. Her body ached, her skin felt stretched and burned in a strange way. Breathing was difficult for her and still exhausted her. The pain she felt, was different. She felt numb, empty, dirty and worthless.

She had torn two infusions herself when she tried to discard her eyes bandage. Now Mulder knew why, Doctor Albers had insisted to keep her arms fixed to the bed. But Mulder had vehemently been against it and they got rid of these fixations.

"Scully ... talk to me!" Mulder did not know how to react. She had, after really hearing him talk, stopped screaming and since then had said nothing more. She was stiff and tense in her bed.  
"You're safe now Scully, I release your hands now okay?! But you have to promise that you don't try to tear down your bandage again!"Mulder hoped that she had calmed down enough and slowly let her wrists go when she nodded slightly.

Breathing heavily and slowly Scully slumped silently down and her graceful figure gave the impression like one would continuously release the air from a balloon.  
Mulder had pressed the emergency button, hoping the doctor would come soon.  
Scully began to tremble and in his concern he repeatedly pushed the emergency button.  
"Are you cold Scully?" Mulder's voice was desperate, why didn't she talk?! Her silence hurt him more than anything else. He had longed for this moment of her being awake for so long. All his prayers were aimed at the moment of her awakening.  
All he wanted was for her to be awake. He wanted to hear her voice, wanted to see her smile again. But even if she was awake, this was not the Scully that he needed, missed and loved.

Nervously Mulder shifted from one foot to the other. Although he stood next to her, she was endlessly far away from him. He could not feel her heart, everything he saw, everything she radiated, was a vacuum of emotion and joy a living.

 

The dark red scars emblazoned on her ivory skin, were a sign that cracks were in the structure of his world, and how fragile this world was.  
The problem with the visible horror that had taken place on her skin was that although you could imagine the physical pain it had brought with it, probably no one could, understand the raging terror, who raged in her soul.  
Doctor Albers prudently entered the room, accompanied by a nurse. They first out back in the new infusions and checked the seams of the cuts.  
Doctor Albers had while the nurse put in the new infusions introduced himself to Scully but all he earned from Scully, was a slight nod. Scully made no sound and let the procedure go through. Only her increased heart rate, which was visibly displayed on the monitor, could tell that she was upset inside.

After everything was put in order straightened Doctor Albers spoke with Scully "Dana are you in pain?"  
A shrug was the answer he got from Scully.  
"Okay Dana, you are connected to a pain pump, I know I don't have to explain how this works to you as you are a doctor yourself. But in case that you are in any pain, you can dose yourself, "Dr. Albers told her calmly and objectively what he had done to her, what her injuries were and how the further course would be.

Once she nodded to Doctor Albers he said his goodbyes and let her know that he would come back in a few hours to visit and for changing her dressings.

Scully knew that Mulder had not left the room, she could identify his very own fragrance under hundreds. Doctor Albers words, that it couldn't precisely be assessed, if she would ever get back her full eyesight back, met her with the force of a steam hammer.  
She needed her eyesight. Slowly, she realized how dependent she was on it. She did not want to live with this darkness. This darkness was the essence of her worst nightmares come true.  
She could see every second that she spent with Donnell before her eyes. The darkness was like the screen of a movie theater and her experiences and memories were the never-ending film playing on this screen.

Mulder had waited until Doctor Albers and his entourage had left the room. He sat back in his chair, next to Scully's bed.  
He did not know what to say. He slowly raised his hand and felt his way to hers. His touch didn't last more than the blink of an eye before Scully frantically pulled her hand to her body. Her heartbeat had increased at that moment and her breathing had become audible faster.

„Don’t" it came trembling from her.

"Scully, It’s just me. I did not mean to scare you. Is there anything I can do for you? "He wanted so much to be able to make himself useful in some way, to be there for her, just as she has always been for him.  
"Should I call your mother, so she can come immediately? Scully no matter what, you just have to say the word... "His words were spoken with a gentleness that would in any other situation have led her heart blossomed like a flower in early spring.  
Currently she was, however, caught up in the freezing cold, the darkest winter of her life.

She shook her head and turned away from Mulder. She turned to the side and buried her slight figure under the covers.  
Even more silence filled the room, so hard and deep, as if you could silence the entire universe with it.

Mulder got up from his chair with an expression on his face, as if some heartless person had strapped a backpack, fully loaded, with the burden and guilt of the whole world on his back.  
Mulder decided to call Maggie Scully, hoping that Scully, would entrust her.

Mulder had told her that he would be back immediately, but she didn't respond. She was glad to be alone. As soon as she heard the door shut behind Mulder, she picked up the pain pump. Even if she couldn't see a thing she knew how to manipulate the pump in her favor.

She pressed again.

She knew that this dose would be enough to take away any pain.

She pressed a second time.

Slowly she felt herself sinking in a valley of cotton wool, though she could still see the sorrow draped sky above her, the numbness was all she could feel. She felt good in this prison of cotton wool, it was better to feel nothing, than to feel his hands on her, to feel his touch and to be reminded of how he had left her used, dirty and defenseless.

She pressed a third time.

Sleep. She wanted to sleep. A quiet peaceful sleep, a sleep that was restful. She wanted to see the sun shine, smell the scent of morning dew, feel the warm wind dancing through her hair,she wanted to dream of those things, because she couldn't see and experience them herself now. No Donnell, no shackles, no humiliation.  
She pressed the button again.

No pain, no darkness.

The effect of the painkillers began, Scully's body lay limb on the pillow. The firm grip of her hand around the pain pump loosened and was finally free. Her head fell to the side, her reddish hair covered her face, as if to protect her.


	13. Chapter 13

G.W.Universityhospital- the hallway 6.48am

Mulder walked restlessly up and down the aisle while he waited for Maggie Scully answer her phone.

"Scully" It came a bit sleepy through the phone.  
„Maggie, It’s Fox Mulder …."Mulder calmly spoke, but before he could speak any further, Maggie’s worried voice, who had previously sounded still sleepy, was now wide awake the word and interrupted his words.  
"What happened Fox? Is Dana okay? Is she getting worse? "  
"No, no… She's awake. She is fine, physically, Doctor Albers confirmed that too. I'm worried about something else. Could you maybe come over Maggie? "Mulder's voice was almost a little shy.  
"Of course, Fox, I will as fast as I can. See you soon and Fox, Thank you!“ He could feel her grateful smile through the phone.  
It was this little smile that Scully always gave him discreetly to appease him or to cheer him up. Her smile managed everything.

Mulder slid the phone back into his pocket and decided to grab a coffee and let Scully have some space. Perhaps she would then open up to him.  
On his way through the corridors to the next coffee machines, he realized that Scully had not cried. Well, maybe she couldn't because of her eyes, but she had not done anything, no sobbing, cursing or longing for his embrace either.  
He would have preferred if she had shouted at him, had struck him, no matter what, the main thing was to see the fire rushing through her veins again.

Absently, he stood in front of the machine, waiting for the coffee to come out. When he turned, she smiled at him with a smile, in which everything was united, shyness, wickedness, empathy, passion, care, this smile could cost a man his last shirt. And if you were not careful, you could burn more than just one finger of your hand.  
He wondered what she was looking for across the hall at the coffee machine, because she did not belong here.  
"What are you doing here?" Mulder wanted to know without hesitation.

"You look bad Fox, I was worried. I was looking for you in the basement office, because you were not there, I then met Skinner, he told me you were here. "She replied to him calmly as she leaned against the wall casually.

Her eyes never left him. She fixed him, just like she always did when she was trying to ensnare him.  
"Thank you I'm fine. I'm not in the office, because I'm obviously here. I am where I belong. You should go Diana. "His voice left no doubt that he was not pleased with her presence.

Slowly she walked towards Mulder. Some centimeters before him, she stopped. Her eyes looked seductively from under her lashes. Her fingers traced gently over his jaw. He no longer felt this fire that she was able to trigger inside of him in the past.

"Come on let's go Fox. You have to rest ... I'll take care of you.“ Her voice was a little louder than a whisper.  
"Diana, I'll stay here. Scully needs me and I need no one who cares about me.“ He replied harshly.  
Mulder was tense,standing before her like a soldier on parade. He knew this woman somehow always brought trouble with her.

She put her hands on his cheeks. "Fox, you're destroying yourself, just look at yourself The doctors and nurses can take care of Agent Scully, she gets everything she needs. "Diana's voice was determining.

Maggie Scully was on her way to her daughter when she saw Mulder standing together with a brunette woman in the corridor. Maggie decided to watch the situation from a distance. It didn't escape her how dark the look on his face was which he gave this woman.

"Diana just back off! You've done enough. Scully needs me and I'll stay here.“ With burgeoning rage, he hissed the words through his lips. His hands brushed hers rudely from his cheeks.  
"You know what Fox, you're weak. A Loser. And if I listen to you right now, then the rumors seem to be right about you.“ She replied sarcastically.  
"Oh, and what do the rumors say?"  
"I think you know what they say better than me. I don't know what it is that you find so irresistible about the Ice-queen but I wish you all the best. Because it is said too that she is the rather frigid type! "she scoffed, with a smile.

Mulder stood dangerously close before her, his eyes flashing with rage and so did his voice. " It is none of your business. And I'll tell you one thing should I hear that you drag Agent Scully's name through the mire, then so help me God you will regret it. What is your damn problem Diana?! That Scully has everything you don't have? That she has everything that makes a person lovable and valuable and that you can’t say that from yourself? Tell me what is it? Maybe I’ll understand you a lot better then ... "his expression remained dark.

"You're just a hopeless dreamer Fox. Look the facts into the eye. She is of no use to you any longer ... Or are you re-educating yourself to be a nurse for the blind? "  
His thin patience threatened to tear at this moment. The anger rose in his cheeks, his hands balled into fists slowly and he gritted his teeth so hard that his jaw threatened to shatter.

Maggie Scully decided she had seen enough. She walked quickly towards Fox. Mulder, who had directed his anger at Diana didn't see Maggie at first.  
Only when she stood a step away from Diana, he saw the typical Scully-blue lightning up her eyes. She grabbed his upper arm and her soft features looked at him with all the maternal warmth he had seen so many times before.

A reassuring smile was on her face while she was ignoring Diana, Maggie said:“Hello Fox, I think we should go back, I would still like to talk to you. I am not driving here at this unearthly hour for nothing.“ A slight twinkle in her eyes and the firmer pressure on his upper arm, him directed away from Diana.  
Maggie link her arm with Mulders and they walked back to Scully's room.

Diana turned and left the hospital half-satisfied half angry. Although she had had the last word however she felt threatened to loose the game over Mulder. She hated to lose. No matter in what way, and obviously she was going to lose against this small, frigid redhead. But Fowley didn't gave up that easily, that was for sure.

 

In front of Scully's room

Mulder was still angry and could not hide this tension. Maggie had known for a long time now that the friendship between the two, went beyond a normal one.  
The silence of the two was interrupted by Maggies voice

"Fox, why should I come here as fast as I could?"  
"It is because of Dana, I cant reach her, she is not speaking with me, she just sits rigidly there and retreats completely back into herself." He explained to her how desperate situation felt to him. "I know that probably no one of us can understand what she lived through, but I also know that it is not good for her if she fully withdraws. I can not even ... "Mulder stopped, he did not know how to express it, so Maggie did not get the wrong impression.

"Fox what cant you do“ Maggie issued the problem promptly.  
"I ... She doesn't want ... want to be touched ... I wanted to only hold her hand ... so ... so she would know she wasn't alone.... that she's safe. "His voice trailed off with every word and sounded fragile.

"She needs you Fox. She has always needed you, more than me. Don't doubt it. I know my daughter, she looks simply for a way to deal with it all. Don't let her shake you off.“ Maggie smiled encouragingly and met his despairing looking eyes.

They looked through the window into Scully's room, where she was turned on her side in her bed. Maggie knocked before entering the room. Mulder decided to wait outside and sit in one of the well-known uncomfortable plastic chairs.  
"Dana Darling? It's me Mom! "Her voice was cautious and careful as not to scare her daughter.

Nothing, Scully did not even move.

Maggie hurried around the bed to see her daughter's face, at least what could be seen of it. She stroked Danas wild hanging strands away from her face. Her gaze slid from her daughter down to the pain pump which lay beside the limp open hand of her daughter, then to the blinking device beside the bed. An uneasy feeling spread through Maggie.  
"Dana Love, answer me please ..." gently stroking her daughter over the head.

Nothing.

She quickly pressed the emergency button, which hung at the bed of her daughter. On and on she tried to elicit some words from her by speaking and calling out to her.

At the same time in front of Scully's room

Mulder sat waiting on a chair, lost in his thoughts, he let his gaze wander through the sterile hallway. Something flickered in his eye. When he turned his eyes to the light, he realized that the emergency button must have been pressed from Scully's room. Because the light above her door burned red.

Mulder rushed to the door and yanked on it. He saw Maggie standing next to her daughter. Despair and concern reflected in her eyes.  
"What ... What is ..." Mulder stammered looking at her.  
"I don't know Fox, she isn't responding and she won’t wake up ... and this thing here flashes. It was laying beside her hand.“  
Mulder knew it was the instrument that Scully should use as soon as she was in need of a pain dose. But he thought it better not to mention it now. He crossed the distance to Maggie with big steps and put his arm around her.

"Maybe she sleeps very deeply, the doctor said that sleep is important for her." Mulder's words were calm, but his voice was not capable to sound reassuring and carefree.  
Doctor Albers entered the room and asked both of them to wait outside. With the display of the pain pump, Doctor Albers knew immediately that she had supplied herself with more than the necessary dose of the painkiller.  
He decided for her own safety, to let the pain pump be removed. If she needed painkillers, the nurses would be responsible for the administration from now on.  
He left the room to talk to Mulder and Mrs.Scully.

The door of Scully's room opened and the doctor saw two questioning faces. He asked both to sit down.  
"Your daughter has taken too much pain medication through the pain pump. She will sleep through today I suppose.  
What concerns me more is her psychological state. She is a doctor, so I can exclude a lapse.“ Doctor Albers expression was serious. "She hasn't taken so much pain medication to have long-term consequences because of it, yet her actions are more than questionable.  
I think, however, that we can rule out a suicide attempt, because she would know exactly how much of an overdose she had to take to kill herself. Because of that, I can leave here at the station and will not need to transfer her to a psychiatric hospital. I consider it necessary though to consult a mental health care center to provide someone to help Dana to cope with what happened to her in other ways."

Suicide attempt. Overdose.

The words echoed in Mulder's ear. This were the terms he never wanted to hear in connection with Scully. And he would have never thought to say them in the same breath with Scullys name.  
Mulder heard this silent scream of Scully inside his soul. Now he just had to figure out how he could break through the dark valley in which her feelings lay dormant.  
Both of them knew that this would be extremely difficult, because Scully was not the person who opened up to strangers, even if it was a psychologist, easily. It was worth trying it which is why both nodded in agreement.

5 days later

The last five days, Mulder had spent reading to her from Moby Dick, telling her of pleasant memories or just quietly listen to the radio with her. He realized that it was pointless to push for anything. Only when she was asleep, he allowed himself to close his eyes for a few moments too. Whenever Maggie was there, he used this time to go home briefly to shower and change clothes.

From the nurse he knew she ate hardly anything, so he had decided to bring her something different every day, things he knew she liked. Every day he helped the nurse, clean and change the cuts and bandages. Scully endured this procedure seemingly unfazed and wordlessly. At first the nurse was confused about his assistance, but she seemed to understand that he needed it to have the feeling of doing something useful.

Mulder strolled towards her room, he knew that all tubes would be removed from her today and that she would only need the infusion on one of the backs of her hand. He would later maybe organize a wheelchair and take a walk with her in the adjacent hospital park. He knew Scully would feel better with some fresh air.  
He also hoped that with the feeling of freedom she would get with this little trip that she would open up to him. The psychologist who he saw coming unnerved out of Scully's room yesterday, had as he had thought, encountered the granite-Scully. After 4 sessions where Scully had not spoken a tone, the psychologist gave up, since the whole point of her presence just made sense if Scully wanted to talk.

Although Mulder knew it was important that Scully faced what she experienced, he had to smile a little, because he knew best how stubborn a Dana Scully could be and that she knew quite well to how make someones time arduous.

The smile on Mulder's face disappeared in no time, as he opened the door and looked at an empty bed. A thousand thoughts raced through his head like lightning in a night sky. Where was she? He immediately rushed to the nurses' station, they had to know where Scully was. He hoped fervently that nothing had happened to her. In the back of his mind the idea that Scully had done something herself came up restlessly. He was a psychologist and he knew that this option was quite possible. And he had to admit that the last few days supported this thought further.

At the nurses' station he found no nurse. He saw a flashing emergency lighting and knew therefore that they were in an emergency. He ran back into Scully's room. He had forgotten to see if she had left him a message.  
The sight of the empty bed, pressed the panic button within him. Immediately, the fear was there again to lose her. Before he was even aware of himself he was back at her room. He stood before her empty bed, besides the bed was a small rolling cabinet, on the other side there was still his chair and on his right side was the door to her small bathroom. The sun shone weak through the windows behind his chair.

He went frantically to the bathroom door, opened it without knocking and looked around the small room. Nothing. Everything was in its place. Suddenly he heard a barely perceptible sob.  
Panic, he turned and tried to locate where that sound came from. At a first glance, he saw nothing. He ran towards the bed, as he walked to his chair, he saw a huddled bundle on the floor.

Scully sat with her knees drawn up to her chest on the floor, facing her head against the wall and bouncing apathetic back and forth against it. Mulder looked at the small red stain on the wall. In the second, in which he tried to process what he saw, Scully began to rock violently against the wall with her head. Her arms still clutched at her body, like a drowning woman clutching a lifebuoy.  
Instantly Mulder was at her side and knelt besides her.  
Gently but firmly he stopped the continuing bouncing of her against the wall. With his shirtsleeves he dabbed the blood from her forehead. A medical-strip would be sufficient enough to treat the wound well. Mulder knew some where stored in the rolling cabinet, next to her bed.

"Scully I'll get a band-aid real quick.“ Mulder's voice was calm and collected. As soon as he got up, Scully lowered her head and put it on her knees. Her grip around her legs tightened. The sight drove Mulder near tears. Before him sat the pure desperation, an image of pure pain and what it meant to have gone through hell.  
With the band-aid in hand, he returned and knelt back to her on the floor. Affectionate and with caution, as if he was handling extremely thin glass, he put his fingertips under Scully's chin and lifted her face up from her knees.

"Scully, it's all good, I'll put a patch on your forehead. Don't be scared!"  
After the band-aid was in place, he stroked gently stroked her hair out of her face.  
"Make it go away ..." Her voice trembled and was just a little more than a pleading whisper.  
„What…? Scully..What should go away?" Mulder unconsciously began to whisper, as if it were the only way possible to be heard in Scully's world.  
"He ... I want him gone ... I don't want to… to see him anymore ... Please help ... me ...!" With a weakening of her voice, these words crept bumpy and helpless over her lips.  
"I'm here Scully. He can not hurt you anymore, I promise! I'll help you ... But first I'll take you back to bed okay? I'm going to lift you up and put you back to bed, so do not be frightened, it’s just me and Scully, you know, I would never hurt you! "Mulder knew he had to pay attention to her body language, and he felt that it was better just to tell her what he was going to do beforehand.

Touches were understandably not to high on Scully's popularity list and he did not want to risk that she shut down again or got a panic attack.  
"You know that, right Scully?"  
A nod was Scully's toneless reply.

Mulder reached under her knees and lifted her up gently. He carefully put her on the bed and covered her lovingly with the blanket. Mulder pulled his chair closer to Scully's bed and sat down thoughtfully. His gaze wandered restlessly over Scully's frail figure. Mulder decided it was time to try to get Scully to open up. And he would be there, he was ready to help her going to process everything.  
"Scully ... I'll do all I can, but you have to help me. You have to talk to me, not immediately, if you do not want to. But if you talk to me, I can help you. "His voice was compassionate at the same time serious.  
"I see him ... I sleep and see him. I'm awake and I see him ... I feel him every second of every minute ... I feel ... feel his hands ... everywhere ... I smell him, with every breath ... I want ... to stop it, Mulder make it stop ...! "Her body trembled and a single tear fought its way to freedom from under her bandage.

Her hand was trembling and searching for something to support her. Gently Mulder rested his hand on hers. Involuntarily Scully trembling body calmed down. Mulder was calmly stroking with the thumb of his hand over her hand. Scully had an irons grip on his hand.  
It was her support and her guarantee, to not again free fall back into the darkness.  
"What do you see Scully?" As he asked, he continued to stroked almost meditatively with his thumb over the back of her hand.  
Franticly Scully shook her head and pressed lips her together into a thin line. More tears glistened from under the bandage.  
"Alright Scully, it's okay ... everything is okay ... we have plenty of time to talk later. Rest now Scully.“ with the light pressure of his other hand on her shoulder, he conducted her back into the pillows.   
Mulder evaluated it as a good sign that his touches went without her twitching or tensing up.  
"It will never end ... never" her voice sounded so dull and dejected, as if the sound came from a particularly deep and hit by several landslides valley, from which there was no escape.  
Mulder sat, holding her hand and kept watch over her sleep, he wiped her tears which made it to her cheeks, he carefully covered her again when her body was lost in the jungle of her blankets.

From time to time when her nightmares seemed to take over he stroked lovingly over her cheek. Restless, Scully rolled back and forth in her bed. Mulder could see and feel her inner struggle she even seemed to lead during her dreams.  
Those were long and exhausting hours. Hours, which gave him an insight on how much Scully's soul had been affected. Hours in which the sleeping brought up the truth that Scully was not ready to speak yet when she was awake.  
Her dreams knew no protective walls, they kept no facades of strength or professionalism, in her dreams, it was only Dana, a woman who had experienced horror, had not processed it and wasn't aware of the depth of the burn marks on her soul.

Even without a degree in psychology, it was more than clear for Mulder that this was the hard part of the recovery. Physical wounds could heal. Visible witnesses of the experience would be the residual scars, but to find a cure for a shattered soul, was a task to which many had failed. Mulder hoped that Scully would survive the free fall in which she was, with a soft landing on both feet. He was sure if she would hit the ground unchecked his world would burst like a soap bubble too.

Mulder woke up in his chair, his gaze automatically went to the clock on the wall. He had slept through the whole night, because it was now 7.15am. Scully was sitting up in her bed.  
"Good morning Scully" still a bit sleep in his voice.  
Scully felt as if in a trance, with her hand over her face, décolleté, her arms and shoulders. Using fingertips, she touched every scar that crossed her way to estimate how she must look. Incredulous and trembling, she explored scar for scar.  
"How bad is it?" Her voice was nervous and so timid that it was no more than a loud whisper.  
Mulder knew inevitably what she meant. Scully had never been extremely vain, never overdressed or wearing too much make up. But just as her voice sounded, Mulder knew instinctively how big her concern about her appearance was.  
"Just a few small scratches here and there. The doctor says everything is healing well Scully "even if she could not see him, she felt the reassuring smile resonate in his words.  
"I want to see it Mulder ..." She stopped short and whispered barely perceptible "the sight of the female Mutato"  
Mulder had very well understood her barely spoken words. She really thought she would look like a monster.  
"Scully, you trust me don't you? And you know, I would never lie to you?! "  
Scully nodded shyly.

"You do not look like a monster or some other creature. Yes, there are scars, but most of them will heal and you will see none of it. Scully do you want to know what I see when I look at you? "  
Reluctantly she nodded.

"When I look at you Scully, I see a unique woman, a woman whose strength and loyalty fascinates me every day. I see a woman whose stubbornness, drives me every now and then to the brink of insanity. I see a woman who has a smile that has the power sweep me off my feet like a hurricane. "Mulder was silent for a second and let his hand slide over hers.  
He knew he was on very thin ice, and decided not to touch her any further. His words rocked hard enough and he knew he did not need supportive touches to show her that he was serious with what he said.

"But above all, I see a beautiful woman before me who on most days is my only reason to get up and keep going. She is my anchor if I’m losing the ground under my feet again. "Mulder was at that moment when he had uttered the words, glad that she could not look at his face, otherwise she would have seen that he blushed while speaking these words, and his jugular vein pulsing nervously.  
Mulder was sure that she could feel the tension that was in the air. He did not want to rush into another emotional chaos with her yet. The battle that raged within her, was big enough. This discussion had to wait.  
"And above all, I need you Scully, who else will look after me, when, once again a cow falls through the roof of my hotel room. In addition, your charm with the Skinn-man is more effective when it comes to saving my butt. "

Scully had a slightly smirk on her face at the thought of how many times she had sat in Skinner's office and had to come up with any explanations, to explain the unconventional approaches Mulder had chosen or the excuses she had to come up with why he was once again not present at a meeting. Mulder saw the vague smile on her lips, and was glad to have cheered up a little because that has rarely been the case in the last few days.


	14. Chapter 14

A knock yanked Mulder out of his thoughts and Scully winced scared. Doctor Albers walked in being in a good mood and greeted them.  
"Hi Dana, how are you?"  
"Good" was all what came cool about Scully's lips. Mulder knew immediately that the moments of lightness and smirks, belonged the past again.  
The realization, that from now on, every moment of being at ease with her and every smile on lips, were rare and he had to fight a battle with her memories over it. This realization struck him with the force of a flying brick.  
Doctor Albers glanced at Mulder, whose face was rarely open like a book to read, but in this case, Dr. Albers was clear that * Good * wasn't the honest answer, but he left it at that statement.  
"Very good Dana, then we will take off the bandage over your eyes and I'll look how the healing process of your eyes is going. And we will do some tests, I'll be back in 10 minutes. "  
Scully nodded indifferently and lost in her thoughts, and the only thing that she said, was a silent "okay"

The subliminal tremor of Scully's body, as Doktor Albers talked about what he wanted to do, didn't escape Mulder.  
He gently took Scully's hand in his.  
"Scully, what are you afraid of?" Mulder decided the direct route was actually the best.  
Nervously, Scully bit around on her lower lip, then shook her head vehemently.  
"Listen to me Scully. I am here and I will not let anything happen to you. I am also sure, Doctor Albers does not mind if I'm in here for the examination in this case if you want me to? "Mulder's sensitive voice was always able to reassure her.  
At least, the tremor of her body had ceased almost entirely. The minutes passed and Mulder gave her the time she apparently needed.

„Please leave ... I want you to go!" Although these words were neither shouted nor said very loudly, they were like a slap in Mulder's face. "I need no one who mothers me, especially not you Mulder, do you hear me, please leave. Just go…“  
What hurt was that coolness and insistence with which she said these things.

Before Mulder had a chance to argue, Doctor Albers stood in the door and thus prevented a wide-ranging discussion. As Doctor Albers asked if Mulder should accompany her, Scully replied reserved "No, that's not necessary, Agent Mulder was just about to leave."  
Doctor Albers looked into Mulder's direction, shrugging a helpless shrug.

Mulder sat rigidly in his chair for a while. Why doesn't she want him here? He thought that the last days had led her to open up to him. He thought he had gained her trust. What else could he do that would matter to her? What was the key that granted him permanent inlet into her heart. He could do nothing more than to continue to struggle and fight for her and to be there for her. He knew that she was far away from being the old Scully again.

The nurse told him that the examination would take at least 1 hour, so Mulder decided to go home, take a shower, eat and then go and chat with Maggie Scully, maybe she had an advice for him.

 

Treatment rooms G.W.University hospital 

Doctor Albers had removed the bandage and carried out some eye tests. Scully desperately hoped to be able to answer one of his questions with a yes. But the only word that left her mouth, was another „No“ to his questions.

Black. That was all she saw.

After hopeful minutes where she had hoped that she could perceive anything, the dark certainty that she was still trapped in the black darkness crept over her soul. Tiredly, she answered all the questions, indifferent to the further examinations she just sat there and endured them.

She just wanted to be alone as fast as possible. Because that’s just what she was, alone. No one could help her, she lived alone in the darkness. Mulder, the X-Files, the medicine, that was all what she had lived for. It was this moment of absolute clarity that came with the acceptance of her absolute powerlessness that she would no longer able to continue to lead this life.  
This moment put her into a paralyzed state in which she just responded, unconscious and numb.

She was powerless, this powerlessness, ended in resignation.  
Doctor Albers let her know that he was finished and that she should not give up yet, because it could take a couple of more weeks for changes to occur. She knew these phrases, she was a doctor herself and knew how many doctors were trying to be optimistic. She did not care, she nodded and let the nurse bring her back to her room.

Her mother and especially Mulder were there for her all the time, but still she felt alone. Donnell, this face dominated her, his scent was surrounding her, his touch had burned itself into her skin. She felt nothing, the only things that she saw were those memories that were to real for her to suppress them.

She didn't want anyone around her, Mulder should not see her like that. She had always fought for her appreciation and her respect in this men’s world. She knew she couldn't afford any weaknesses in this world in which she worked.  
Now she was worthless. Worthless, for the FBI, worthless for the X-Files, but especially worthless for Mulder. She could no longer support him. And she knew he had to go on, he had to find the answers, she was just unnecessary ballast and she knew now that she had to make the decision for him.

Sometimes the time itself took a break. She realized that she now stood at one of those places where the past looked at how the presence took a deep breath and decided what would happen soon. And She knew she had to write this story herself. Eventually, he would also accept that her decision she had now made from the bands of the past and the present, was the best for him.

She knew her words had hurt him, which she had previously said in the presence of Dr. Albers, but she did not feel it anymore. She could not see or feel the cold, the aloofness and sharpness that had resonated with these words. The only thing that she knew was that she didn't want to be a burden, she didn't want pity and she did not want stand in the way of Mulders search, the search for the truth.  
Scully pressed the emergency button, waiting for a nurse.

At the same time in Mulder's apartment

After Mulder had showered and ordered something, he phoned Maggie. Although Maggie did not understand the harsh reaction of her daughter entirely, she could guess why Dana did not want to have him with her. She told Mulder about how Dana had been as a child. Even then she shared rarely what she felt and accepted only rarely the help of others.

That had not changed much. On the contrary, since her daughter was working with the FBI, this aspect of independence and inviolability had grown even more. Even her mother felt like she could only catch a glimpse of the inner life of her daughter every other intercalary year.  
Mulder merely received the advice from her to be patient. Patience and perseverance.

Sighing, he put his phone down. Brooding, he ran his fingers through his hair. Patience he could muster, endurance was not the problem, he would go to the end of the world and beyond for her. But it was much more difficult to get into her heart than to run to the end of the world.  
He shook his head, trying to think clearly. He would help her and it would take as long as it would take. And this was another thing that they would survive together, he was sure of that. With a slight smile on his face, he left his home in the direction of the hospital.

Scully's Room 5 - 4.30pm

The nurse walked into Scully's room.  
"Dana, you need something?" The nurse asked sympathy marking her voice.  
"Yes. I would like to dismiss myself.“ Scully replied dryly.  
"Dana, you know that you are not fit yet, your release date is not scheduled for another 10 days. The sutures and cuts are not healed yet and also ...  
"I am a doctor myself and I know what I'm doing. So would you please as soon as possible get me my discharge papers „Scully interrupted her vehemently.  
The nurse went back to Doctor Albers to inform him of her plans. After his vain attempt to convince Scully that it was too early to leave the hospital on her own, Scully packed her bag with the assistance of a nurse.

Scully thanked the nurses and Dr. Albers for their work and let a nurse escort her to the exit of the hospital. There, waiting for her was a nursing service car to transport her home safely. Scully had still refused to make use of the nursing service, who looked after her injuries and took care of the changing of the bandages.  
As she sat in the car, she let an exhausted and simultaneously sigh of relief out. She was happy to be out of the hospital.

4.45pm G.W.University hospital

Mulder walked up the hallway to Scully's room, in his hand a new book, which he hoped that she liked. Mulder had a liking for it, so he hoped he could share it with her. It gave him more pleasure than he had thought at first because whenever he had read to her, he got the feeling that Scully, could at least relax for a while.

He opened the door to Scully's room.  
Instantly he froze. The bed was made, the room sterile, all her belongings were gone. He felt the memories that accompanied the sight of an empty hospital bed, like old facts that came crawling back from the dark cellars of his brain and put him immediately in a restless panic.  
He quietly murmured "No ... that can not be"

Mulder ran to the nurses' station. His harried countenance reflected all his fears again. All he could manage to say to the nurse he saw was a pile of gibberish words.  
"Where ... Rooms 5 ... Dana Scully ... she is not there"  
The nurse put a calm hand on his arm:“Agent Mulder, Agent Scully has decided to leave the hospital AMA."  
"What ...." Incredulously Mulder looked in the face of the nurse.  
Even before the nurse could get further into that, Mulder had turned and disappeared towards the exit.

Scully Apartment  
Georgetown 5.10pm

Her driver had accompanied her up to her apartment, dropped off her luggage and made sure that he could do nothing more for her.  
Scully stood motionless in her apartment for minutes. With uncertain steps she tried to get into her kitchen. Groping, she held her hands stretched forward. Slowly she moved one step at a time through her apartment. Before she could feel for the table, she hit her shin against the chair standing in front of it.

The brief pain twisted once again, as she pushed her hip into the tables edge and the pain shifted to her hip. She tried to maintain her posture, because that was what always brought her strength and confidence. She had to do it alone.  
How could she keep Mulder away from her, if she wasn't even able to get herself a glas of water without assistance.  
Again and again, she was saying the same words in her mind * Pull yourself together Dana. In the upper shelf above the sink are the glasses. Come on Dana, come on *

Just as she was repeating this words in her thoughts, she tripped over something that she could not define. Her hands reached into the void, as she tried to catch her fall. She quarreled with her balance, swayed and finally fell, past the chairs, onto the floor.

Her abdomen hurt, Scully stood up, trying to regain her orientation. She could not pinpoint where she was right now in her apartment. Impatiently she scanned the walls and her surroundings with her hands.  
As she took a few steps, she grazed a small side table, the vase that stood on it fell off and broke into a thousand pieces hitting the ground with a loud bang.

The sound went through Scully's body, and she whirled around frantically without regarding her surrounding environment. The noise of falling or toppling things drummed on the floor, as if a hailstorm romp went through her apartment.  
Finally, Scully sat with her knees drawn up on the floor of her apartment and tears of despair and helplessness began again to emerge from under her bandage.

* Come on Dana, pull yourself together ... come on ... be strong * she knew her inner voice was right.

Fearing to stumble again over something, Scully decided to seek her way through the apartment on all fours. With trembling hands, she felt her way forward bit by bit.The more she tried to imagine where she was, the worse the situation got with every second. She just did not know where she was. She tried to force the memories to surface, it was her apartment after all.

The stabbing pain in her abdomen steadily increased as she continue to crawled exhausted on her floor. Powerless, she leaned against a wall, wrapped her hands frantically around her legs, she tried to ignore the deafening pain. Again and again pictures of Donnell flashed before her and made it impossible for her to focus.

She was aware that she needed to rest. Since she had no other choice, she laid on the side with her back to the wall on the floor. She tried to find sleep, but her memories had no eyelids, she could close and thus she continued to stare into the abyss of her experiences.

As much as she tried, she could not manage to drift into a peaceful sleep. The abyss was too close. She stood motionless on the brink and it felt like an undertow wanted to pull her into the depth. A swirl of dark emotions, sinister memories and painful experiences.

The sudden warmth that spread between her thighs, digressed Scully's focus from the brink for a second. With her hand, she slowly touched down her thighs and she felt the warm, viscous liquid, flowing undisturbed along the skin of her legs from under her skirt.  
Her abdomen hurt too much as she tried to sit up. Therefore, Scully had no choice but to continue crawling to orient herself in her apartment.

Minutes passed like hours, in which Scully, felt like a stranger, who was exposed to an unknown location without a map and now had to find the right way.  
Finally, she was exhausted and breathing heavily on the tile floor of her bathroom.

Washing ... she had to clean herself up ... The tracks of the crime came out the open again, and no matter what her medical expertise said, all she wanted to do was to cleanse herself and her memories off. Her soul was blind, deaf and dumb and therefore could not imagine hat this could not be the way of healing. But for the moment, it was enough to keep the memory as far away as possible. Everything would be farther away again if she just showered, Scully had manifested this idea in her head.

With all her power, Scully tried to get out her clothes. Tired, she was endlessly tired. Her body trembled with exhaustion. Exhausted, she collapsed on the floor of the bathroom. The velvety blanket of unconsciousness, laid itself softly and slowly, like a falling curtain, over her.

At the same time in Mulder's car

Mulder had tried to reach Maggie. She had not responded and that seemed untypical. Scully's mother was always accessible when her daughter was hospitalized and informed Mulder always when she was going to be unreachable. The situation made sense.  
Scully had hidden herself at her mother’s before. At that time, Maggie hasn't answered her phone either. Mulder knew it was because Maggie couldn't lie to him  
And Maggie knew Mulder had a sixth sense when it came to Dana. This was also the reason why it was pointless to lie to Mulder.

With a carousel of a variety of thoughts, Mulder raced through the streets on the way to Maggie’s house. In these moments Mulder was glad to have an FBI badge, because he had violate any speed limit and traffic regulations over the last few miles. A small smile made his way over his otherwise worried face. He had to think about how Scully always lectured him about his driving habits when he was racing.

His expression became serious again when he drove into the driveway of the house. He quickly got out of the car and knocked wildly at the door. Bellowing, he stood still with his fist hammering at the locked door. He ran once around the house, to see if the light was on somewhere or whether he was seeing someone. Nothing. Not a soul.

Contrite, Mulder drove thoughtfully through his hair when he heard a voice behind him.  
"Fox, what happened?"  
"Is Dana here?" Maggie´s expression told him immediately that Scully was not here. "She left the hospital AMA and because no one answered the phone ... I thought ... I thought she was here ..."  
Mulder walked towards Maggie and took her shopping bags from her. Instantly some of Dana’s words about Fox shot through her mind as Dana once said that Mulder was unique, not by his words, but rather by his behavior.

These were probably those little moments and little touches that made Fox so special for her daughter. His natural attention towards the little things that took place in front of him. And the remarkable thing was probably that it was perfectly normal for him and that made him lovable and unique in Dana’s eyes.  
Maggie had to admit that her sons, even if they were well-mannered, didn't pay much attention to such simple things as carrying the shopping bags for her.

"She's not here Fox, I went to buy a few things as you can see and wanted to go to her now." Maggie’s stomach tightened painfully together at the thought that Dana evidently left the hospital against the recommendation of her doctor. She did not know if she should view this stubbornness and this aspiration to independence, as a positive upswing.

Mulder did not escape Maggie’s worried facial expression. "She is surely went to her apartment ... I will immediately go to her and look after her." Mulder tried to give her his best and most encouraging smile.  
Mulder carried her purchases into the house and said goodbye with a promise to let her know when he had found Dana. Mulder was always amazed about the honest warmth that radiated from Maggie. She hugged him goodbye as he started to turn away Maggie covered his upper arms and fixed his gaze.

"Fox, I don't want to have to worry about you too" she put her palm over his rips for a moment to underline what she meant. He took the hint. He knew he had lost some weight and he knew Maggie’s worries about him and Dana were genuine.  
He nodded to her knowingly and his eyes promised her, that he would take better care of himself.

6.45pm Apartment Dana Scully

With screeching tires, Mulder parked his car right in front of Scully's House, and hurried out. Impatient and unwilling to waste even a minute, Mulder decided not to wait for the elevator and sprinted through the stairwell to Scully's apartment door.  
Trying not to act in panic, Mulder took a deep breath and kept his eyes closed for a moment.  
Decisively he knocked on her door.

No reaction.

Even if he had seen no light in front of the house when he parked, in view of Scully's blindness, it was no indication that she was not there. The darkness that dominated her apartment, was just another painful reminder of reality that didn't allow him to drift off in an intact world of thoughts, in which he was able to strutt through these doors having a nice evening with a pizza and watching a film with Scully.

"Scully ... I’m here..." Mulder's voice was calm and patient.  
"Scully ... please, open the door!" His knock supported his now urgent voice.

Mulder pulled his keys from his jacket pocket, but first he would give her one last chance to open the door herself. It was clear how important her privacy was and he really did not want to arbitrarily enter her apartment, but sometimes her stubbornness let him no other choice.

"Scully, please ... Your mother and I just want to make sure that everything is okay ..." Again, no response to his words.  
Mulder pushed the key into the lock and opened the door.  
His hand groped on the wall next to the door, looking for the light switch. Mulder could not believe his eyes. The small table lay overturned on the ground. A path of sherds lined the way to the kitchen, where another chair, lay overturned besides the table.

The battlefield, which offered itself to him, reminded him inevitably of the struggle that Scully had had with Pfaster in the past. He could fight against a Pfaster. A Pfaster was palpable and visible and somehow he hoped that someone else besides Scully herself was responsible for this mess. At the same time, however, the concern that something could have happened to her set up camp in his mind and heart.  
So he pulled out his gun and let his gaze briefly wander through the war zone of her kitchen and living room. He tiptoed through the minefield of broken glass and overturned objects.  
Silently Mulder continued to walk through Scully's apartment, with his gun pulled and his senses sharpened for possible surprises that could still wait for him.

A glance at Scully's bedroom told him that she had not been there, since the bed was made unused and tidy. Slowly, he walked towards the ajar bathroom door. Gently he pushed the door open.  
What he saw nearly made his heart stop. Scully lay motionless, leaning against the side of the tub, only in her underwear next to the rest of her clothes.  
Blood gleamed on the ivory skin of her thighs. Her face was marked by a sick paleness, her lips had lost any gloss.

The horror that would feed Mulder's nightmares had found a new sight from which it could feed on for a long time to come. This sight of Scully would haunt him in his nightmares for weeks. For seconds, Mulder was unable to move, his gun slipped from his limp hand and fell to the ground. Any faith and any life seemed to vanish from him being face to face with the impression of his personal terror.  
Mulder sank down on his knees besides Scully, fumbling his hand over her forehead, stroking with trembling fingers strands of hair out of her face, trying to get her to talk to him.

Meanwhile he unconsciously looked for pills or other medication. After his eyes had scanned the bathroom, it was clear that she had at least not tried to harm herself with pills. With the back of his hand Mulder caressed her, his voice thin with worry.

"Scully ... Scully wake up ... Dana ..." his thoughts switched on autopilot. Her forehead was not hot, which meant she had no fever.  
"Come on Scully, It’s Mulder ... wake up!" He would love to see her eyes. Scully's eyes were the gate to her soul. No matter what mask she had imposed on herself, no matter what act she played in front of the others, for Mulder, Scully's eyes were the mirror to her heart. He could read in them everything that Scully's mouth concealed.


	15. Chapter 15

Timidly Scully's head moved but her body was still too weak to move entirely. She felt something on her cheek, immediately Donnell was back. Had he found her, had he escaped? Frantic and full of horrors, she hit around her without having a target. Her fists whirled, looking for a target, uncoordinated through the air.

"Nnnooooo, leave me alone you bastard ...!" Her anguished voice, let Mulders heart shudder once more. "Please let me go..!!!!"  
Hesitantly he reached for Scully's wrists. "Scully, It’s me Mulder. Calm down ... It’s just me... you're home, it's all okay. Donnell is not here. It's all right, calm down. Nothing can happen to you, you're safe.“ Mulder tried as meek and quiet as he could while seeing the frightened sight of Scully to plead with her to calm down.

With each word, which made its way through the fog of memories, she got more quiet and slowly stopped her hands that flew on previously wild through the air and landed on her aching abdomen.  
"Mulder ..." paper thin and barely noticeable, she whispered his name.  
"Shhh ... Scully, it's all okay ... Everything will be okay!" Carefully he tried to pull her to him. She froze and her hands clung tightly around her belly.  
Mulder's eyes fell back to her leg and it was clear that he could not help her, she needed a doctor. While he dialed 911 on his cell phone, he sat down at Scully's head and placed it carefully in his lap. Reassuringly he stroked her forehead. He felt her delicate body shake.

"Scully are you cold?"  
A tentative nod in reply was enough for him, as he spread his jacket over her. He knew that a blanket was the living room, but he would not let her out of his sight, he could not lose sight of her at the moment. He had to touch her, he had to feel that she had not left him. He had to know she was there. She was his pulse and he had to feel it, to know that he was still alive.

He tried to stay as calm as possible. He did not remember what he said, he talked about everything, said everything what came to his mind, because his words seemed to calm her down.  
His voice gave Scully a sense of security, which was often a shield against the approaching demons.

Mulder did not know how much time had passed, until the doctor arrived, but he let out a sigh of relief from his lungs.  
Mulder carried, on request of the doctor, Scully from the small bathroom to her bed. Although Scully knew it was only Mulder who carried her, her body begann as if it had a will of its own to tremble like a leaf.

Scully tried to bring her body under control. She wanted to have at least that control, she felt lost enough already and she needed a piece of control, otherwise she would someday lose herself completely.

The doctor was just beginning his examination and Mulder wanted to leave the room because he was not sure whether his presence was desired by Scully. After he had put her down, he stroked familiar and lovingly over her cheek and was about to withdraw from the bed when she held him back without saying a word.

Scully felt Mulder moving away from the bed and from her, her hands searching, like a drowning woman for a life buoy, through the air. She needed him, she couldn't be alone, even if she knew she had no reason to be afraid of the doctor. She could not be alone at the moment, she could not confront the darkness alone.

Mulder took her hand and knelt besides Scully's bed. His eyes left never leaving her face. Despite the bandage he saw her tense jaw muscles and her rigid stance. He held her hand and gave her a shy kiss on the back of the hand. With the other hand, he stroked her cheek repeatedly. The constant contact was Scully's mantra.

Slowly, her face relaxed.  
Although traces of the experience were still resplendent in her face, Mulder realized how beautiful this woman was to him. His gaze lost itself in her sensual lips. He'd love to touch them, stroke them only briefly, but he knew that the last thing what Scully needed now were his emotional needs for closeness.

Each touch of the doctor send a thrill through Scully. Whether she liked it or not, every touch, let her freeze and cramp. She tried again to think of a place where she was safe, where she could not be harmed by these touches. Mulder's gentle caress of her cheek, was familiar and helped her to not completely fall under the spell of her demons.  
The whisper of Mulder's voice only partly made his way through to her brain. Still, it was reassuring to know that he was there. Mulder was her constant, and the only light that could drive away the shadow of the eclipse.

The emergency physician nodded to Mulder and ended his studies. After the doctor had stated that any effort could lead to these bleeding and that she should keep strict bed rest for the day and that she should take it easy for the next week, he said his goodbyes to Scully. Mulder followed the doctor, on his signal, out of the bedroom.

After a brief conversation with Mulder, the doctor pointed out that Scully should stay in her bed the next 4-6 days at best, he handed Mulder enough ointment and bandages, which he would need if he would take care of you for the next days.  
The doctor advised him to convince her to go back to the hospital, because there the care would be optimal. Mulder frowned his forehead and raised an eyebrow in the height.  
He knew that nothing could persuade Scully again, to go back to the hospital.  
Mulder thanked him and accompanied the doctor to the door.

For a moment, Mulder stood leaning against the door, breathing deeply in and out. He needed to talk to Scully, she would need help and even if she knew that it would be difficult to convince her to accept that help. Another deep breath later, he made his return into Scully's bedroom.  
She heard footsteps, even if She knew that it could only be Mulder, she felt a sense of panic.

"Mulder?" she softly questioned.  
"Yes, it's only me. The doctor is gone. Scully ... we need to talk ... "  
"I ... I know ... tomorrow okay?" Her voice was tired.  
Mulder sat next to her on the edge of the bed and covered her hand.

"Mulder, I ... I just want to sleep ... but" she did not know how to express it, and Mulder felt her inability to find the right words.  
"I'll stay here, and tomorrow we will talk. I'm right here besides the bed, in the chair "  
"Thanks," a tiny smile, framed her lips.

Mulder put the chair next to her bed and watched over Scully as she tried to sink into a peaceful sleep. His thumb danced a lonely dance on her hand. He looked at her when she drifted deeper into sleep. She breathed quietly and Mulder noticed that her hand was still clutching his.

7:00 am

The nights had been strenuous, Scully woke up several times, breathing hard and drenched in sweat. Mulder talked repeatedly and reassuringly to her. He continued to hold her hand and never let her out of his sight for a second.

The bloodcurdling screams that came out of Scully just before she woke up every time, broke his heart. It tugged on his strength, to wait powerless for the next demon that struck her. Every second in which she seemed to sleep freely of the darkness, he racked his brains about how he could facilitate her time and life with the experiences and blindness. He wanted to return a small piece of strength to her, so she would be able to face her inner hell.

Slowly Scully was awaking. She had slept, but she still felt extremely exhausted. Her body still hurt. Timidly Scully tried to move.  
"Scully? Are you awake? "A familiar voice came to her ear.  
"Mulder?" She had completely forgotten that he was there.  
"Good morning, Miss early riser" a smile swung with his words.  
"Morning" She replied still a bit drowsily.  
„I'll make us some breakfast and you rest a little longer" his tone left no space for argumentation.

A few minutes later, the wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee flew up into her nose. Drawers were opened and closed, and Scully wondered what he was going to prepare for breakfast.  
She knew his habits, hoping that it would be reasonably healthy.

Mulder was glad that he could now make himself useful and he had a plan for how he wanted to spend the day. As he stood in the kitchen, he realized how he missed it to have someone of whom he could take care of. It made him happy to make breakfast for Scully. It was something that he could get used to without problems. With a grin, he set the table and made his way back to Scully.

"The meal is served my Lady, I would like to chaperone you to the table now." With its best Butler tone, he went to Scully's bed and captured her hand.  
Scully had to invariably smile at his tone. Sometimes he was just an incorrigible clown. She loved his uninhibited side, which she hadn't seen to often.  
As she fumbled for her dressing gown, which laid at the end of the bed, Mulder beat her to it.

"My Lady your robe," Mulder helped her in her dressing gown. It made him happy to see that he could at least bring a smile to her face at the moment. He took her by the hand and led her, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, to the table.  
"Mulder, I hope the breakfast is not just containing of things that will lead to instant artery blockage!“ she had to tease him a little.  
"Scully ..." he faked being hurt by her words „How can you say something like that?!"  
"Because I know your eating habits" countered Scully dryly. Rarely had she felt so free and comfortable since everything went to hell. Mulder had managed to give her back a piece of normality this morning.

To her surprise Mulder had made fruit salad , there was yogurt and granola. Mulder served her breakfast.  
"Mulder you want to make me burst?" Scully said after Mulder loaded her plate for the third time.  
"No, but I want to maximize your engr. level, because we have big plans for the day Scully" She did not what to make out of that statement.  
After both were ready, Mulder cleared the table.  
"That was really good, very tasty, thank you" an honest smile was painted on her face.  
"Always at your service my lady"

"Scully?"  
She recognized the serious tone and that meant it could get uncomfortable for her now. She had told him yesterday, they would talk about it all today. But to be honest, she did not want to talk, she just wanted to forget everything, as if it never happened. It was difficult enough to have someone around who had to help her with the simplest things all the time.  
She at least wanted to process what happened to her alone. She could do that alone. She was none of these victims, who wept and wailed and collapsed in front of others.

Donnell would not be able to destroy her, he couldn't touch her anymore. She knew she lied to herself at that moment, but she swallowed the lie in order to fill the hollow space in her soul, where once her self-confidence and strength was located.  
Her emotional world was a desert. Dusty and quiet. She knew that desert well enough to deny its existence. She was not willing to face it, too big was her fear of not making it to the saving oasis.

 

"Scully ?!" he said again.  
"Hmm yes ?"  
Mulder knew he had to take it slow because he knew if he pressured her to much she would close herself off.  
"Do you wanna do something today?"  
"No, I don't wann go out, thank you," she replied coolly.  
"We don't have to go out, we can also do other things."  
"And what would that be?"

Mulder thought for a second, and was just about to submit her various proposals, as Scully blurted the words out.  
"Mulder, you wont have to waste your time here with a cripple. I'll be right alright. You don't have to play the entertainer for the blind. I don't need your pity! "Her words were razor sharp.  
The words didn't just bounce off of him. It made him angry that she was so stubborn, it made him angry that she was giving up.

"Oh ... so you can get along youself?! I saw that Scully. "Mulder's voice got inevitably louder „Dammit Scully, I want to help you, I just want you to be okay. Why can’t you just accept that for once? There are moments in life when even a Dana Scully should accept help. I'm not doing it out of pity, in my opinion that is exactly what friends are for to help each other. But well, I probably misunderstood that, I apologize. I'll go now! "

Shocked by Mulders outbreak, Scully sat motionless at the table. She did not want him to go, she didn't want to be alone. But she also didn't want to stay in Mulders way of leading a normal life. She didn't want to be a burden to him. She just didn't know what was coming next of her. It was like standing at the center of a tornado, everything was moving around her and flew through the area, only she stood still.

She heard Mulder steps going towards the door.  
"Stay ... please ..." came a whisper. Mulder looked back at his partner. Scully sat at the table slumped down. The sight shocked him, it was not only that she appeared helpless and powerless, but he felt that her world was shattered and she was incapable of putting the pieces back together.

Scully held her hands against her face and wept bitterly. The muffled sobs that came through her hands were marked by desperation and resignation.  
With three quick steps, Mulder was next to Scully. He lovingly put his arm around her shoulders, with his other hand he reached for one of her hands, trying to calm her down.

"Scully, I'm not going anywhere. I'm always there for you, never forget that.“ He gently stroked a strand of hair behind her ear. "We can do it together, but I can only help you if you help me. Trust me Scully, okay? "  
Scully nodded and turned to Mulder. Her hands wrapped around his shoulders and Mulder hugged her against his chest. He knew those moments in which she let him be this close to her were scarce. He gently stroked her hair.

More than once, Scully realized at that moment that Mulder was her anchor. Her rock behind which she was safe, if the force of the waves, threatened to overturn her.  
When she broke free from him, Mulder wiped the tears that had emerged from beneath the bandage from her cheeks.

"Scully, you're never a waste of time, I'm where I belong, never forget that again," his tone was serious, but full of warmth.  
A shy nod, with a beautifully exhaled "Thank you" was all what Scully was capable of saying.  
"Well, since we have clarified everything now, I think it's time that we take care of your wounds."  
"And no argument Scully, I learned from the best doctor, so you have nothing to worry about, I'm so to speak, the best nurse in the whole house." Mulder said with a wink.

Carefully Mulder spread all the necessary bandages, patches and ointments on the table.  
"So Miss Scully, where should we begin?" His voice was cheerful, and he was glad that Scully wasn't willfully obstructive.  
„Wherever you want Mulder, I don't care.“ Her voice was neutral and again lost in thought.

Mulder didn't want her mood to take down his happiness. Nevertheless, he decided exactly to tell her what he did where and how. He hoped that it would possibly take Scully fear away which was still noticeably present when someone touched her.  
All wounds that were not covered by her clothes were now cared for.

"Scully, we have to take off your top, so I can take care of the rest"  
Just at that moment, her muscles magically stiffened. Her body began to quiver slightly, at the idea that someone again got to see so much of her and could touch her everywhere.

He gently took her hands in his.  
"Scully, you know that you can trust me? And you know that I would never hurt you?"  
She replied with the trembling voice of a person who crossed the Canyon River on a tightrope "I'm sorry Mulder, he isn't going away, I see him all the time." Silent tears forced themseves again on her cheeks.

He needed to help her to draw a new picture before her eyes. He took her hands, which he held steadily and led them on his face. He placed his hands over hers. He gently led her fingers over the lines of his face.

Scully felt his warm skin under her fingers. She groped for his eyes, ran her fingertips down his cheeks. When her fingers slid down over his nose to his lips, she could feel his warm breath on her fingers.

Mulder's pulse was racing, she just wanted to withdraw her hands frantically, as Mulder held her hands still and on his face.  
"That's okay Scully, take your time," Among her hands she could feel his smile.  
"Draw with the images that you usually see with your eyes with your fingers Scully"  
Speechless she nodded and explored his face further, her hands groped every millimeter of his face. Mulder enjoyed her fingers on his skin. There was a comfortable silence between the two.

When she arrived at his nose and felt it again Mulder had to grin.  
„If you're not sure if it’s me just look for my too big nose and you can tell without a doubt that it is me.“ he said laughingly .  
"It is not too big Mulder, it fits perfectly," countered Scully with quiet, dreamy voice.  
As her hands left his face, Mulder gave her a few seconds to process the sensations.

Scully's words had surprised him, he had felt that his nose was always too big and was not particularly nice looking. Her fingers had left a tingling sensation on his skin, but he composed himself quickly.

"Everything okay, Scully?"  
"Yes, thank you ... Mulder. Hmm ... Can you ... Can you help me …? Getting out of that shirt hurts because I have to stretch my arms up ... and that makes ... makes it hard "  
"No problem, Scully."

He carefully helped Scully to get rid of her shirt. Although he knew that the events had left their marks, he was struck like an icy lightning by the sight of this minefield of blue- violet bruises and stitched wounds. With the utmost care, Mulder devoted his care to every wound, always anxious as not to inflict any pain to Scully. When he saw the old scar, which was from the gunshot wound, she got while she was working without him in New York, he realized how much they had already suffered, how many times he had almost lost her.

His steady words about his actions, should reassure Scully, but if he was honest, it helped him just as much, the heavy silence that would otherwise lay in the air was bridged. When he went behind her, he saw for the first time how her back looked, which wasn't any less tortured than what he got to see on her front. He inhaled the air deeply and sharply.

"That bad?" It came softly from Scully, who until now, had not made a sound.  
"No Scully, the bad thing is that I was not there to prevent it. Don't worry you're beautiful "his words were accompanied by a nervous undertone which Scully heard.

His touch was warm and gentle, it felt good. She kept Mulder's face in front of her eyes and it was pleasant and familiar. She never wanted to let go of this feeling.  
After he was done, he helped Scully again to put on her shirt.  
Together with the end of his touch on her skin, the pleasant, sheltered feeling was gone too.

"Okay Scully, only a new bandage around the eyes, then we are done" he said encouragingly, because he knew that it was a not very nice procedure for her.  
Mulder slowly removed the bandage. Excited about how her eyes would look, anxious to see if she maybe could see something.  
He missed her eyes, he missed the warmth that radiated from the sparkling blue of her eyes. He put the last few strands of the badge aside.  
He looked into two eyes, which were as dark as the transitions of a tunnel, so very sad, like the broad expanse of the ocean. The bright blue was replaced it a flat and dull darkness, and it pained him to see that.

Only, the green-blue-violet framing around her eyes were witnesses to what Donnell had done to her.  
"Scully, can you see? Anything? "He asked hesitantly.  
She pressed her lips into a thin line together and shook her head. A lone tear escaped from her eye.  
Intuitively his thumb stopped off the tear and wiped it away. His hand lingered on her cheek and Mulder placed lovingly, a gossamer kiss, at the corner of her eye, where the tear had originated from.

Both jumped when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Mulder put the new bandages aside and went to the door.


	16. Chapter 16

"Hello, Skinner told me that you're probably here."  
"What is it?" Mulder replied neutral.  
"I need your signatures on the forms and I brought you the file, because Skinner could not tell me when you would be back in the office. Could you and Agent Scully quickly put your signatures below here so my unit can conclude and close the case.“ 

„Cann’t it wait? Right this moment is a rather bad time. "Mulder knew that it had to be uncomfortable for Scully, if someone could see her vulnerability and he knew that she didn't want to show anyone how severe her injuries beneath the bandages were. He also did not want her to be in the hot seat by making her signed something. It was enough that she was fighting with the feeling of being worthless and useless every second in front of him. How unbearable would it then be for her in front of others.

"Fox, it’s only two signatures, I don't expect you to invite me for diner.“ Dianas tone was slightly annoyed.  
„Okay, do you have a pen so I can sign that quickly."  
Mulder had avoided asking Diana in and so Scully heard the conversation from the inside.  
„Well, I only need the signature of Agent Scully now.“  
"One moment," Mulder closed the door in front of Diana's nose and went to Scully.

"Scully is that okay? I do not have to allow her in, I tell her to give me the file, I'll help you with the signing and she is gone. "  
Scully thought for a moment. Actually, she did not want to hide, she wanted to show that she was strong, she had already repeatedly swore to herself that she wouldn't be one of these victims who hid themselves.  
But it was harder than she had thought. What she didn't want, in the eyes of a woman, this woman, was to act weak and helpless. On the other hand, she also didn't want Fowley to see her with all her wounds.  
"Mulder, how bad ... how bad do I look?" Her voice made it clear that she expected an honest answer.  
"The swelling of your eyes is gone, it’s a little black and blue around the edge of your eyes, and otherwise there is only the cut."  
Although Scully was never overly vain, Mulder knew that Diana had an impact on Scully's behavior. Diana had the power that Scully felt somehow inferior and small in her presence. The reasons were another mystery, which he had to elicit from Scully.

Mulder went back to the door and asked Diana to come inside. Scully welcomed her politely and Diana put the open file before her on the kitchen table. Mulder stood besides Scully.

"Agent Scully, I need your signature once here and here.“ Diana said while tapping with her fingertips on the paper.  
Without hesitation and before Scully could stiffen in shame, Mulder lovingly Scully took her hand and placed the pen which she already held, as if this gesture was the most normal thing in the world, to the right place.

Mulder's icy gaze met Diana, like a spearhead. After Scully had signed it without making another sound, Mulder handed the file back to Diana.  
"See you in the office Fox. And if something should come up, I’ll be in touch with you. Goodbye, Agent Scully.“ The words sounded dull through her corridor.  
„See you.“ Mulder simply said.

2 weeks later

Mulder had taken time off indefinitely and spent the whole time with Scully. It got a little better every day. Mulder had rearranged her furniture and organized everything so that it was easier for her to handle her daily life.  
Scully was getting better with accepting his help. They laughed more, ate dinner together with Scully's mother or took walks together.

Scully's wounds were mostly healed. Only the bandage covering her eyes, was a relic of what she had been through.  
The nights, however, were a roller coaster ride. More than once a night, Scully screamed in panic.  
More than once, Mulder had found her huddled on the floor next to her bed.

Mulders expertise told him that Scully built a facade that she could sustain throughout the day, but at night, she hadn't the control she had by day and then with the sleep everything came back to the light what she so painstakingly had held hidden over the day.

Even if she said that she was feeling okay, Mulder felt that inside her she got torn up into a thousand pieces. Each and every day, he had this feeling and he knew that this feeling was correct. There may be the hours of the day on which she was happy and carefree and acted freely.  
But her small gestures, such as the nervous gnawing on her lip, the tension of her muscles when she got touched, showed how much the reality was still able to break through this wall and at least when the darkness of night fell, all the pain of her soul came back up to the surface.

After Mulder had spoken with Maggie, his decision was clear, it was time now that Scully either opened up to him or a therapist. No matter how, but she had to learn to talk about what she had seen and experienced. Just then there was the possibility for her to get control over herself and her life again. The task now was to convince Scully about it, but that had to wait a little longer.

Te first thing today standing on the agenda was the crucial appointment with Dr. Albers. Scully was noticeably more nervous the nearer this date came. Even Mulder hoped with every fiber of his body, that she would see something. Despite all the tension Mulder tried to keep everything as normal as always this morning. He made breakfast and heard Scully was already in the bathroom, getting ready.

Mulder stood at the countertop in Scully's kitchen. When he heard her silent steps, he turned inevitably around to her. It was nice to see how confidently she now went through the apartment. Leisurely, but steadily, Scully felt her way over to the kitchen table.  
This certainty she now possessed had been a lot of hard work over the past two weeks.

One morning Mulder decided to memorize the layout of the apartment together with her. Again and again Scully was feeling her way, with Mulder's help, through the apartment. They marked important points where she could orientate herself at any time.  
Scully seemed to be satisfied, because she had gained a little more independence in her actions again.

Scully sat restlessly at the dining table, hooked her fingers into each other and chewed nervously on her lower lip. Mulder handed her a cup of coffee. Before he sat down at the table, he wanted to get a candy bar from the upper kitchen cabinet.

"Mulder, stay away from the sweets, it is early in the morning and chocolate bars are not an adequate breakfast!"  
"Scully ... I ..." before Mulder could defend himself, she interrupted him.  
"Mulder, I know that this is the cabinet where the candy is, so don't try to deny it, I maybe blind, but I hear all the better!" she said smiling a little.

Mulder closed the cabinet door again and a sigh escaped his pouting lips.  
"And no Mulder, your innocent puppy look will not get you anywhere this time!" Pleased with rendering Mulder speechlessness, she took a long sip from her coffee mug.

Scully's hearing became especially sensitive since she couldn't use her eyes and even if Mulder knew that, he was repeatedly in recent days, been astonished about what she was able to hear. He couldn't hide anything from her. Sometimes he wondered who the "Spooky" one was. After they had emptied their coffee cups, Mulder put everything in the sink and went on his way to the dressing room.  
"Scully, we have to go"  
"Mhmm" was all that came from her.

Mulder noticed her immediate emotional transformation. It was as if her walls shot up within one second, like a rocket. With her jackets over his arm, Mulder made his way to her, to the table.  
When he sat down next to her, he carefully took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"Scully, it'll be all right!" His voice was calm and gentle.  
"Mulder ..." before she could go on talking, he knew that she was scared. It was pure fear.  
Fear of no longer being able to see, anxiety and horror of what would be her future then. How would her life look like. She knew the FBI was no longer an option then, there was no use for a blind agent.

She knew Mulder would get a new partner. She would lose him. He would probably come every now and then, but all that they had so far, would then belong to the past.  
Mulder was all that was left to her over the years. She barely had friends, and if so, she would rather call them acquaintances than friends. She had not had the time to lead a normal social life. She would be alone, damn alone.

"Scully, I want you to listen to me now...? not sure if she was listening to him, Mulder repeated " ... .Listen carefully now ... Okay Scully? "  
Scully nodded, without turning her head to Mulder.  
Mulder gently touched her chin and turned her head so he could look in her face. He wanted her to look at him, even though he knew that she could not see him, it was important for him to be able to see her right in the face.

"Scully, I told you, no matter what will come out of this appointment, I'll be there for you. No matter what happens, I will be there for you. I will not leave you alone.  
And I hope you know that you can trust me. And you know that I keep my word, you know that don't you Scully?“ Scully was confused because of the pitch of his voice. She heard honesty, concern and something that she could not identify.

She let his words wander through her thoughts. Her worries slumbered the entire time unseeable, for others, under the steel shell of her daily mask.

Suddenly her face ballooned up to purple storm clouds, the sight of it had put many people back into their places. And Mulder saw the volcano Scully erupting in slow motion.

"Damn Mulder ... You know as well as I do that this is all nonsense.Nice words are not going to make it different and pretty words are still not changing that i cant see Mulder! I'm not a little child that still lives in her pink world. "  
Scully's voice rose, but Mulder felt all her suppressed emotions, resonating with her words. "I know that I will no longer have a job that you'll get a new partner that everything will change and that we will choose different paths. So don't try to take me for an idiot, damn it!!

Mulder swallowed the lump in his throat when he saw Scully hands began trembling during her outbreak. Her body trembled with tension and he was aware of the impasse in which Scully found herself. it wasn't often that she let her walls fall down before him and it was even more rarely, that everything broke out of her like in this moment. Her carotid artery throbbed wildly.

"I really appreciate everything you've done for me Mulder. But lets face it Mulder without my eyesight I'm worthless ... for our search and for the FBI. Let’s get this appointment over with shall we?“ Her outburst now ended in a hopeless resignation.  
Scully no longer believed that she would ever see again. Each test so far had been negative, although everything had healed well.  
She felt it would be better to accept early on that she had arrived at the end of her journey with Mulder.  
She had never been one to allow or indulge herself in daydreams, it wasn't how her mind worked.

"Okay, Scully, you said what you wanted to say, let me say what I want to say and then we drive off." Quietly he held her hand and spoke with a serious but gentle voice "Even if you think, that everything will change, for me nothing will ever change. The FBI, the X-files, it all means shit to me, all this is worthless if I can’t share it with you…“

Scully's voice faltered "Mulder ..."

"No ... Dana Katherine Scully, would you just shut up for one minute please" he smiled a little.   
"All this makes no sense without you by my side. All this is not important, it's not my first priority.  
What makes it valuable and worth it is sharing and experiencing this with you, without you all this is useless. And like I said Scully, I will not leave you, I will not go off without you. With or without eyesight Scully, you wont get rid of me that easily!“

Only when he had finished his words, He realized, how heavy his words weighted, uncertainty spread through him.

"Scully, who will pay attention to my eating habits when you are no longer by my side? And who will bring me back to earth when I’m behaving like a spoiled asshole. So you see, without you I would become this arrogant, presumptuous, narcissistic Machoman. And since you're the only one who possesses the qualifications for this job, you wont get disposed of me:“

Scully had to invariably smile at his words.

"Now we will just wait and see what happens and then you can still think about how you can get rid of me. So come on G-Woman, let’s go? "Mulder helped her into her jacket and they made their way to Doctor Albers.  
During the trip, they had barely spoken. Mulder caught a glance at Scull from time to time when there was an opportunity at a red light. She sat stock still in her seat.  
Mulder parked the car and opened the door for Scully. In a now familiar way, she linked arms with Mulder and let him lead her to her appointment with Dr. Albers.

Doctor Albers was already in a treatment room, waiting for Scully. Both greeted the doctor friendly, but Scullys tension didn't go unnoticed by Dr. Albers. The two men exchanged knowing glances.  
Mulder directed Scully to a chair. Before Dr. Albers began his examination, Mulder made sure whether his presence was desired at all or not.  
"Scully, should I wait outside until you are done?"  
"No Mulder, it’s all right. As far as I’m concerned you can stay here.“ Her words were seemingly indifferent, but Mulder knew Scully better. He knew that hidden underneath the fear of a possible negative outcome of the examination was lurking inside of her and he knew she needed him, but would never say so. What she just had said was her way of showing him that she needed him.  
Mulder sat down next to her and pressed, confirming his decision to stay with her, her hand.  
Dr. Albers took the bandage from her eyes carefully. All injuries were superficial and nearly healed. Doctor Albers placed the beam of the flashlight directly on Scully.  
"So Dana, when you perceive something, no matter what it is, tell me okay?"  
Scully nodded nervously.  
Dr. Albers shone Scully, repeatedly, in the eye.  
"Now," Dr. Albers questioned.  
"No"  
Mulder's hand held Scully’s more firmly. He felt the slow crumpling of Scully’s protective walls.  
"Now?"  
"No," Scully replied in a lower becoming voice. Each No, pushed her closer into her personal hell.  
"And now?"  
Since she no longer trusted the strength and power of her voice, she just shook her head negatively.  
"Okay Dana, even though we see no improvement at the moment, it does not mean that it will always remain so.  
Because you're a doctor, I do not have to explain to you that it is quite possible that you could recognize something tomorrow or any other day now. Be patient with yourself Dana.“  
Scully just took in fragments of what he was saying. Absently, she said goodbye to Dr. Albers. Mulder thanked him and let him know through his eyes that they would need a moment alone in the room. Dr. Albers Mulder nodded empathically.

Without any reaction, Scully sat buckled in her seat. Her fingers hooked into each other in her lap, the head bent down in defeat, she sat there feeling numb. Mulder knelt before Scully. He took her hands from her lap, placed on each hand a tender kiss and lifted chin up with his forefinger so that he could look her in the face.  
"Scully, no reason to give up, you heard what the Doc said. We just need a little patience "a smile accompanied his words. Even if he knew that she could not see it, he hoped that she felt it.  
Lovingly, Mulder stroked her hair to the side. He gently touched her cheek, which seemed to get Scully out of her lethargy.  
"I would say we get out of here and then I cook you a menu a la Mulder"  
"Mulder, we ordered Mister Wang just yesterday!"  
"Scully ... you are hurting my feelings…Are you doubting my cooking abilities?!“ his faked indignant tone made Scullys eyebrow go up in the familiar way he had seen so often.  
"Really I’m not ordering anything from Mr. Wang ... I was thinking more of Alfredo and his lasagna" Mulder said joyfully.  
"Well okay, after all ordering will spare my kitchen a mess!"

Scully's apartment 1.25pm  
After they had eaten, Scully wanted to take a bath. Even if normally wasn't part of her routine to take a bath in the noon, she needed it now to relax a bit and to get the tension out of her plagued with tension muscles.  
Mulder in the meantime cleaned the kitchen and did the necessary household chores.  
Actually, it was never one of his favorite tasks, but here at Scully’s, it brought him even a little fun. When there was a knock at the door, Mulder looked amazed at the clock. They expected no visitors and Scully's mother couldn't be it, because she had gone to visit Bill.  
Mulder opened the door, he was surprised to see his boss.  
"Good day Sir, what brings you over here?" He was immediately alarmed and surprised.  
"Good day Agent Mulder, I wanted to see how Agent Scully is doing and to drop off the final report, I thought you wanted to see it."  
"Thank you Sir, uhmm .. you want to come in? Scully is in the bathroom and ... and I would like not to bother her. "  
"That's ok, Mulder, I would like to have a word with you in private anyway."  
Mulder pointed to Skinner, to take a seat on the couch and followed him, after he had closed the door.  
Mulder did not know what to make of Skinners visit. Something was wrong now that he looked at Skinners strained facial features.  
"First of all, how is she?" Asked Skinner.  
„It’s getting better, the doctor said today, we just have to be patient, but all the other injuries are healing very well."  
"And in addition to the physical injuries?"  
"You know Scully… I guess something like that won't go by anyone unscathed and I believe that she will need help, and I will discuss that issue later with her but like I said you know her and you know hoe stubborn she can be.“   
Both men chuckled knowingly before Skinner continued in a low tone.  
"Mulder the problem that I have is that if Scully shouldn't be able to work with you in any way, I have to give you a new partner. Further I can only give you one more week off after that you are expected back at work."  
Mulder swallowed hard and immediately his head began thinking about opportunities he had to avoid that he lost Scully as a partner.

"So shouldn't there be a task that Scully could work on in the X-files division I'm forced to find someone new to work with you."  
"When is she expected back at the office?“ Mulder asked soberly.  
"Together with you, Monday 8am. Let me know what you intend to do," continued Skinner.  
"Hmm" was all that Mulder had to say.  
„Okay I need to go now, say hello to Agent Scully from me and call me!" Skinner stood up from the sofa and went to the door.  
Mulder accompanied him absently and said goodbye. What should he do, he had promised Scully he couldn't do it without her and that he always would be there for her.  
What tasks could she do. Was she even willing and ready to go back to the office. How should he explain to her that if she was not ready to return to work or if they couldn't fin a task for her, their partnership and the X-Files were at an end.  
Mulder walked back to the couch and sat back down. Restless, he ran his fingers through his hair and muttering to himself.  
"Shit shit, shit ..."  
Startled Mulder sat up when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
"Mulder is everything okay?" Scully's quiet voice rang behind him.  
"Jesus Scully, do you have to sneak up on me like that ?!"  
Scully chuckled a little, but she knew that something could not be okay if Mulder was so deep in thought.  
"Mulder? What's wrong? "Scully wanted to know seriously. She rounded the couch and sat down expectantly besides him.  
"Nothing Scully, really, I’m fine.“  
"Mulder, firstly that is my sentence, secondly, I am indeed blind but not stupid and thirdly, you tell me now what's going on.“  
Mulder exhaled.  
"You are not letting this go, right?“ He asked smilingly.  
"Right," Scully was smiling in response.  
"Skinner was just here and told me that we are expected back at the office on Monday. So the situation is... Should there be no duties ... or tasks…you can take ... then ... "  
"Then you get a new partner," Scully interrupted him.  
Both were silent for a moment. They had known that this day would come, but they had suppressed situation very well, but Scully knew she had to look the facts in the face. Mulder needed his work, it was what he had done all his life, he lived it and he had invested and lost so much only to be able to work on the X-Files, she didn't want to stand between him and his Files.  
"Mulder, it's okay. At least you can keep on working on the X-files. "Scully's quiet, neutral voice took his breath away.  
"Scully ..."  
"No Mulder, why shouldn't you continue working on the X-Files?! I do not want to be the reason that you're doing profiles or anything else what makes you unhappy. It's okay that you go on, I would not want you to give up the X-Files! "  
"It's not about that Scully ... I…I don't want a new partner... Scully, can't you imagine to go back to work with me on Monday? We'll find something, that will legitimate it for you to continue working with me. Skinner said that we only needed to find an area where you can be on active duty. "Scully could hear Mulder's despair.  
"Mulder ..." Scully reached out her hand and she landed softly on Mulder's shoulder.  
"No Scully, don't even try it. Why are you giving up? Dammit Scully, we'll have to be patient, but that does not mean that you can see never again! "The words were a little louder than Mulder had wanted it.  
Scully heard and felt all the emotions that resonated in these sentences. And she did not know what to say to that.  
"Mulder, I do not give up, I just know when I have lost. And I mean, if everything with my eyes is in order again, I can still go back to the FBI. "She said soothingly.  
"Scully, can we at least try and find a task for you?" 

 

Scully's apartment  
Monday 7.00 am

After they had discussed the pros and cons over the last few days, Scully was willing to try it. Mulder was in the kitchen and made coffee when he heard Scully. When he opened the door to her bedroom, Scully stood helplessly before her closet.  
"What's wrong Scully?"  
"I ... um ... Could you help me? I…"  
Mulder saw her embarrassment. He wanted that the day started well, and he did not want Scully to fell uncomfortable and helpless before they even were in the office.  
"Fox Mulder, fashion consultant at your service, how can I serve you?" he tried to say as serious as it was possible for him when he saw Scully's incipient smile.  
"My recommendation of the day for you Agent Scully, would be the dark blue skirt, with the matching jacket and a light blue blouse."  
"Mulder, has the recommendation anything to do with the fact that this is the skirt that is shorter than my others?"  
"Touchée ..."  
Both could not suppress a laugh now.

"Mulder you're incorrigible..." Scully still chuckled.  
"Au contraire Agent Scully, I'm only endeavored to fulfill my job as a fashion consultant!"  
With these words and a smile Mulder left Scully in the bedroom and sat down at the kitchen table, where he was waiting for Scully.  
After 15 minutes, the door opened and Scully made her way into her kitchen.  
When Mulder turned and he could not help but stare. He was so fascinated, as if he had stumbled across an ocean in the middle of the dessert.  
She looked fantastic. Her sapphire blue eyes were emphasized even more by the light blue blouse. She wore no makeup, but in his mind that wasn't necessary anyway.  
"Mulder? ... Are you there?" Scully said hesitantly.  
"Yes .. yes Scully I'm here at the table" still caught in his spell, he replied engrossed in her appearance.  
"Mulder? Is this okay? I mean ... do I look okay, is everything is as it should be? „ unsure of her appearance Scully bowed hear head down.  
Mulder got up from his seat at the table and went directly to Scully. He softly put his hands on her cheeks and lifted her head up gently.  
"Scully, you look wonderful." Tenderly, he stroked an unruly lock of hair to the side. For the blink of an eye he sank back into her deep blue eyes, before he placed his lips in a loving kiss on her forehead.  
If it was up to Mulder, these moments could be endless, but he also knew that this day would not be like any other, and he could not afford now to be lost in his daydreams.  
"Let's go, Scully, I'll try to smuggle you into the building before the other agents arrive too!“  
Scully raised a questioning eyebrow.  
"Although I am fashion consultant Scully, I have to have no desire to mop the floor behind you because you’re turning trained, professional employees of the government into drooling Neanderthals, so lets go!“  
Scully shook her head, laughing "Mulder, you’re bat crap crazy.“

FBI Building  
Basement office 7.40am

Mulder and Scully arrived before the most agents began their duty. As always parked Mulder his car in the garage of the building and then his way with Scully on his arm to their small basement office.

Scully had not spoken during the journey and Mulder knew she needed this time for herself and therefore made no attempt to break the silence.

Both were greeted friendly by the guards, Scullys tense posture as they entered the building, has not gone unnoticed by Mulder. He knew crowds or unknown environments made it difficult for her to relax. An agent of the IT unit, which had been on the Donnell case, came up to her and asked about her health. Scully replied briefly and let Mulder know by her firm grip on his arm that this conversation was unpleasant for her.

Mulder felt the solid expectant grip on his arm and saw the nervous twitching of Scully's mouth.  
"Agent, excuse us, but we have an urgent appointment with our superiors and we are already late …"Mulder said convincingly.  
The agent nodded and Mulder and Scully said goodbye and walked away determinedly. Scully whispered a quiet "thank you" and Mulder squeezed her hand in the affirmative.

Arriving in their office Scully sat down at her place. Mulder went to search for coffee and to give Scully a little time for herself as well as to cover her needed caffeine intake. Scully without caffeine in her blood in the morning, was more dangerous than a walk through a minefield.

Mulder came back after a few minutes, handed Scully the coffee and looked worriedly at her. She had not moved and was still sitting rigidly in her chair.

"Mulder, what am I doing here?" Scully asked cynically.  
"Even if it would be enough for me to just look at you sitting here, I have to say, we have tons of old reports to write ... I know that’s not one of the most exciting things to do, but Skinner informed me that he ants all the reports in order and written up."  
Mulder had decided to ignore their snappy tone, as he knew it your tensions and uncertainty was alone that made them react like that.

"Yes, but Mulder what do I do here?" She asked again.  
"Just like me, write those pesky reports ..." Mulder replied quietly.  
"Mulder, I would have to see what I type, in case you forgot this.“ countered Scully.  
Mulder went to her desk and pulled out a headset from a desk drawer.

"Scully, there is a software on you laptop, which types the words you speak. The gunmen, say it's easy, I'll show you how it works okay? "

Mulder told Scully calmly how the program worked and how she could make changes and other stuff. He could see her concentration as he explained the program to her. He loved that expression, for him it was a piece of the old Scully that he had not seen in a while.

"So if you press this button here, then it’ll will read what the program has typed. The Gunmen have attached all the facts to the reports as an audio file, so you have all the info on the case. I would say let's get ready to rumble.“ Mulder gave her the headset and turned back to his paperwork too.

"Mulder," Scully said shyly.   
"Yes Scully"  
"You know you didn't have to do all of this… I mean this whole effort ..." Her voice was only slightly above a whisper.  
"Scully, firstly this wasn't an effort, secondly, I'm glad you're here with me, and thirdly, I’m way to lazy to do all of this paperwork alone!" despite Mulder's laughter Scully heard the gentleness of his words that always showed her how much he cared for her.

"Mulder ... Thank you" was all she said. Mulder knew he did not have to answer it, he really was just glad that Frohike had brought up the idea using this software.

The morning went by very normal, they worked through the files, occasionally interrupted by Mulders innuendo or sarcasm. It seemed as if everything was as usual.

The sudden ringing of the phone interrupted Mulders reading of a file.  
He answered and AD Skinner was on the other end of the line. He wanted to talk to both agents in his office. His voice didn't gave away any assumptions about the reason for his request. But because of what had happened, Mulder believed that the AD just wanted to check on the situation and on how they were doing.

Mulder ended the brief conversation and put the phone back on the hook. His clumsy exhale immediately caught Scully's attention.

„When do we need to be with him?"  
"Scully?"  
"Mulder, I know this exhalation, so when do we need to be at Skinners office?" Scully said dryly.  
"As fast as we can, he has other appointments, but he wanted to talk to us."  
"Then let's go, we let’s bring this behind us," she replied with a smile.

Mulder took a brief look at Scully and he had to admit, it was a good day so far. Scully smiled a lot and it seemed to do her good to be working again. She was ahead of him with at least 4 reports. And that had, among other things, to do with the fact that he was staring at her for several minutes sometimes while she worked on the reports.

Scully put on her jacket and hooked her arm through Mulders, who was already next to her. It was strange how normal it was for her now to allow him this continuous body contact. Not that she had a choice, but she thought it would be more difficult for her to engage in Mulder's help in front any other agents.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because I'm feeling good today here is the second chapter of the day :)

Office AD Skinner  
3.45pm

After Mulder and Scully had exchanged greetings with Skinner's secretary Kim, she led them immediately into the office of Skinner. Mulder walked along with Scully into office and accompanied her to her usual place, right in front of Skinner's desk.

Without further ado, Skinner got straight to the point "Agents, how's it going? And above all, Agent Scully how are you holding up? "  
„I’m fine Sir. I’m working with Agent Mulder on writing up the reports" Scully answered in her usual professional tone.

"I'm glad to hear that Agent Scully.“ Mulder as Scully knew that this had not been all.  
"Agent Scully I must inform you that you have to report to an FBI psychologist who will confirm that you are mentally ready for duty again. I think I have not to further explain the routine procedure to you. "

Scully nodded knowingly. That was exactly was she hoped she could avoid. She hadn't spoken to a psychologist about the things that were done to her, because this was something only concerning herself.  
It was something that she had to settle with herself and no one could help her doing this. And she didn't want this help either. Just the thought of being seen acting weak and fearful by someone made her built up her walls.   
It had already cost her enough overcome resistance and to accept the continued help of Mulder.  
Distressed and lost in thought about the upcoming meeting with the psychologist, Scully's fingers intertwined in her lap into each other.

Mulder noticed her agitation and threw her a hidden look at her from the corner of his eye.  
"Agent Scully, Kim will hand you your new FBI ID-card, that will be all.“ Mulder stood up and walked along with Scully towards Kim.  
Skinner's voice stopped them both. "Agent Mulder, I want to have a word with you."

Kim turned to Agent Scully and helped her to the couch while Mulder closed the door to Skinner's office.

In Skinner's office 4.15pm

Mulder again took his place in the chair in front of Skinner's desk.  
"Agent Mulder, I don't want to beat around she bush, how do you assess the situation with Agent Scully?“  
"Sir, I think the tasks she has taken on, she will do outstandingly.“

"Mulder is not about the work, I know that Agent Scully whatever she does is done very professional. I'm asking about whether you believe that she can psychologically cope with the stress, after such a short time, especially given her physical limitation? "Skinner's concern for his agent was honest and Mulder was aware that it was serious to him.

„Off the record?"  
"Yes Agent Mulder, nothing we now discuss, belongs in the protocol"  
"Sir, I believe that it will be good for her to talk to someone and I believe that even though she is not happy that it will help her to speak with the psychologist." Mulder thought for a moment how much he wanted to reveal to Skinner without abusing Scully integrity.

"There are some things that she is uncomfortable with because of her blindness, but I think it does her some good to have something to hold onto. And I think it would be wrong to take that away from her now."  
"Agent Mulder is not about to taking the work away from her, it is about wether it is actually good for her to if it is making it worse for her because she is using the work to surprise what happened to her further. You know, I don't like getting into the business of my agents, but I much less like loosing one of my best agents because she assess her limits wrong! "

Mulder could understand his arguments and had to admit that Scully, tended to foreclose everything and carry on, as if nothing had happened.  
"Sir, I know what you mean, but I assure you, I'll be careful and will have an eye on her."

Skinner knew that Scully was in the best hands with Mulder and that he would keep an eye on her.  
"Good and Agent Mulder, if you need anything, no matter what, you let me know.“  
Mulder nodded gratefully and went back to Scully.  
It was rare that Mulder had heard his boss talk so openly and he rarely talked about his concern in such details. Mulder assumed that it had to be because he was involved in the case with Donnell himself and everything Skinner had experienced firsthand. Something that didn't even leave an old and jaded ex-military cold.

At the same time AD Skinners secretariat

After Mulder had again gone back into Skinner's office Scully had made herself comfortable on the sofa.  
"Agent Scully, I will quickly pick up your new card, it’ll only take a second"  
"No problem, Kim, I will not run away.“ Scully answered her with a smile.

Skinner's secretary made her way down the aisle to pick up the new card. Scully sat waiting and pondering on the sofa thinking about what Skinner probably wanted to speak to Mulder about.  
The door to the hallway was open and through the gap Scully could hear the gossip of the agents who used the water dispensers and coffee machines.

"You heard the news? Spooky’s little agent is back. I have seen both of them this morning. And they couldn't leave their fingers off each other."Scully did not know who to assign this male voice to. Even the laughter that followed it, made it easier to remember who the agent talking was.  
"Nonsense, don't you know that the Ice Queen is blind since the last case?!"

A third man's voice mingled with the cheerful chat "Blind or not blind, I wouldn't push her out of bed. Honestly guys, have you seen that butt accurately?! And besides that isn't there this saying about silent waters being deep and dirty. I bet that she properly is a little firecracker if you know how to handle her right."  
All three men began to laugh.

"But seriously, I mean does the FBI has a disabled employees agenda or why is someone blind cleared for duty?"  
The second deeper male voice mingled again „Maybe good old Spooky Mulder banged the head of the Personnel Committee.“

All three men started laughing and everything Scully heard before the group went away was "I mean good for him, she no longer sees now with whom he flirts or whom he is checking out, so he has less stress and no longer has to restrain himself. I heard the ice-queen does not like competition. Didn't he he have something going on with the sweet brown-haired babe from accounting, from the third floor? "

All that she was aware of were the steps that echoed in the hall, as the agents again went back to their offices.  
The sarcastic remarks were more hurtful than a weapon would ever have been. She felt the lump grow bigger in her throat.  
A lump of self-doubt, blame and shame. These agents were right, what was she doing here, she was not a full agent. She was in need of help. Scully was also clear what effect Mulder had on women, if he was aware about it or not didn't matter. Her face lost all color and it was as if the blood in her veins just froze up, all she felt was numbness.

Moments later, Kim came back to the office. Her eyes fell on the frozen face of Scully "Agent Scully? Are you okay?"  
„Yeah ... I'm fine. Kim could you do me a favor? "Scully asked emotionless.  
"Of course, Agent Scully what is it?"  
"Could you please call me a taxi and accompany me downstairs, I forgot an important appiontment" Scully hated having to ask for help, but all she wanted now was to get out of this building, where she didn't belong to anymore.

She didn't want to face Mulder because she knew he would immediately notice that something depressed her. She wanted to get away, just far away, back to her own world where she felt safe, back to her apartment. Skinners secretary called a taxi. Together with Agent Scully, Kim made her way through the building, as a man's voice stopped her.

"Hello Agent Scully, how are you?" It was one of the men's voices, which she had just overheard.  
„I’m fine, thank you" was Scully's terse reply.  
"Could I speak a moment in private to you Agent Scully?" Asked the men.

"I'm sorry, I'm on my way to an appointment and do not have the time.“ Scully's tone was icy. Kim stood silently next to Scully.  
"It would be really important, it concerns a case, it would only take a few minutes.“  
Scully nodded in resignation and turned to Kim "Could you wait a second Kim?"  
"Of course, Agent Scully, no problem," replied Kim understandingly.

The agent pushed Scully in the adjacent room, closing the door behind him. When she heard the click of the door, involuntarily a quake built up in her. She felt the tension and nervousness. She did not know who the agent was, but he had to know her, so much was certain. Even if she knew that she was relatively safe in the FBI building, she felt cornered.

"I wanted to ask you if you can help us with a series of murders Agent Scully. We have some clues but we are missing the links between them. "  
"Excuse me, but what was your name again?"  
"Agent Kellson, don't you remember you helped us 2 years ago."

She had helped a friend who worked in Kellson’s unit. She had done a favor for her and performed several autopsies. Kellson was mid-30s, had brown hair and was arrogant and sexist as far as Scully's opinion was concerned.

"Yes, I remember, but don't you think you should ask someone from the profiling units for help, I do not think that falls into my area of expertise." She had to pull herself together, her heart was strained to the breaking point. Most of all, she would have loved and preferred to run out the room at the moment. Something was wrong and her hands began to tremble slightly.

"I know your work Dana and I must say it is impressive" Kellson took a step towards Scully and grabbed her hand, „Don’t you think we could meet for dinner and then discuss the case?“

Scully snatched her hand away vehemently "Agent Kellson, I don't think I can help you, and I think our conversation is over, if you would excuse me?"  
Kellson stood like a wall in front of her and ran his hand over her upper arm "Dana you're a fascinating woman and I do not know what are you waiting for?! Do you think Spooky cares about what you are doing? "

She was barely able to keep her panic attack, at his touch, under control "Agent Kellson what Agent Mulder cares for or not is not the issue here, it is also against the rules of the FBI to engage in personal relationships. I really need to go now.“

When Scully had moved past Kellson and had almost reached the door, she felt his hands around her waist and he stood close to her. "Are you always playing coy Miss Ice-Queen? Is it the way Spooky likes it? Or what does a man need to do to get your sexy ass into bed? "The whispering voice at her ear, froze her body.

Kellson let his hands wander over her waist for a second before disappearing out the door.  
Scully stood there motionless. Her eyes glazed over, her face deathly pale. Kim looked into the room after Kellson had left and saw Scully standing stock still.

"Agent Scully" It came softly questioning of Kim.  
Scully winced once when she heard Kim's voice.  
„Excuse me Agent Scully, I did not mean to scare you.“  
Her body was indeed in the FBI building but her soul was back in the bunker. She was back with Donnell.

„The taxi, please" was all Scully was able to bring over the lips, without completely losing her professional mask. The whole way to the taxi, Kim looked anxiously at the agent.  
It didn't escape her in which apathetic state she was and the quivering body of Scully was something that concerned her, but she did not know whether and especially what she should say to Agent Scully.  
Everything she could think of asking was whether she should get Agent Mulder or not. Scully however declined her offer and after thanking her for her assistance got into the waiting cab.

Skinner's office 4.45pm

When Mulder was about to leave Skinner's office, his eyes fell immediately on the empty place on the couch.  
Kim was engrossed in a telephone call and Mulder was restlessly waiting in front of her desk. Where was she? She couldn't have gone back to their basement office alone.

Impatiently waiting for Kim to end her call Mulder was getting nervous. The handset hardly landed in the cradle, it bursted out of him "Kim where is Agent Scully?" As hard as he tried, he could not suppress the little twinge of panic in his voice.

"I called a taxi for her and then escorted her downstairs, she said, she had an important appiontment.“  
"What appointment?" He asked this question more to himself than to Kim.  
"Agent Mulder, I know it's not my business, but Agent Scully gave me the impression that something was wrong, you should probably ask Agent Kellson because he asked to talk to her in private before I could further escort her downstairs."  
"Kellson?" Mulder asked surprised.  
"Yes, he wanted to talk to Agent Scully privately, because of a case. Thats all I know, well besides that, she seemed a little distraught after she came out of the room. "

Mulder knew this Kellson was an asshole. He tried to hit on every female agent as soon as the opportunity presented itself, and he knew that Scully had showed him where to shove it a few months ago. But men like Kellson were rarely bothered by that. He wondered what had happened, and he knew the answer, he would need to find Kellson.  
"Thank you Kim, I'll go looking for her now.“

With quick steps Mulder went out of the room, his hand was already reaching into his jacket pocket for his cell phone. His finger pressed intuitively the speed dial with Scully's number on it.

* The person you are calling is temporarily not available * * Please try again later *

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

Franticly, Mulder tried it on her home line. Scully’s answering machine answered after a few seconds.  
"Scully? If you are home please answer the phone... "Mulder waited briefly, hoping that she would pick up the phone "C'mon Scully answer your phone ... I just want to know if everything is okay ... .Scully ... Okay I'll come over now."

Mulder was tense and uneasy standing in front of the elevator. His thoughts swirled wildly: * surely she went home. Where would she go otherwise ... Maggie…*.  
He played every conceivable way through his mind. However, if he called Maggie and Dana should not be there, Maggie would immediately be worried. He did not want that, because Scully probably was really at home. But why?! Kim said she was upset, but why? The answer to the WHY was what he needed to find. Because everything was fine when she was with him in Skinner’s office.

Kellson! Mulder decided to search for Kellson and to ask him about what had happened. He knew Kellson enough to know what a creep he could be.  
The always same mantra now played in Mulder's head * Woe betide you, if he had done something to her, I’ll make sure he’ll regret it…*  
When he arrived in front of Kellson’s office, Mulder was about ready to knock when he heard the agents inside talk.

"You really believe that? I mean, Spooky has enough women waiting in line for him, at least thats what I have heard. what you hear that? "Mulder knew that voice, it was Kellson’s partners Colt.

"Yes and…. Colt? I mean the little redhead isn't my type either, but I bet she is good enough for a small shag between breakfast and lunch, as far as I’m concerned I wouldn't say no to that.“ Another men replied and Mulder couldn't place him.

"So I put 80 -against Spooky. He has plenty of other offers. But what is much more interesting is, if I get my 100 back again, so Keelson spill it. "It came impatiently from Colt.  
"Guys, I still have 9 days. But I tell you as much, I think I’ll win the bet. And will double the whole thing, if I shag her within the next 4 days. Are you guys increasing? "Kellsons greasy voice echoed through Mulder's ears.

With every word that Mulder heard, his rage increased. He hated it in general, when male agents, where talking about females like that. But most of all he hated it when Scully didn't get the necessary respect she deserved.  
She had been through so much, experienced so much and had coped with so much that she deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. Mulder's pulse was racing, his hands had clenched into fists and his body was energized.

"First, let us know the current state Kellson"  
„I’ll tell you she is hot for me. I mean, why else should a woman start to tremble when you touch her and by the confused look she had on her face when she stopped I would say she liked it very much.“  
Laughter accompanied Kellson’s words.

"Oh man Kellson I don't believe, it I would have thought it would be harder to get in her pants, but Buddy you seem to know what you are doing!"

All three laughed and shook hands on the new deal.  
Enough was enough, Mulder was bursting with anger. With a massive push, the door slammed open and Mulder looked filled with rage at the three Agents. The three men froze instantly. The roaring laughter had abruptly disappeared. Kellson had himself back under control firstly and tried to maintain his cool macho facade.

"Agent Mulder, you here? What can we do for you?“ Kellson's friendly tone made Mulders Blood boil.  
"Agent Colt and Agent whatever your name is, would you please leave me and Agent Kellson alone for a moment," the words cut razor-sharp through the air and neither agent dared to even begin a discussion with Mulder.

As the door closed behind the two agents, Mulder stepped to Keelson only an arm's length away from him. Mulders pulsating carotid artery was just an indication that he was about to do something very stupid. He still tried to keep his temper and not to punch Kellson’s head into the wall.

"Kellson what did you say to Scully?" Mulder hissed.  
"What do you want Mulder, it's none of your damn business whom I'm talking to. And even if I would talk to Scully, it’s none of your fucking business. So what do you want? "Kellson replied in the same aggressive tone, as Mulder had previously used.

Mulder continued to move on to Kellson and stood a few centimeters away from him. Mulder was a few centimeters taller than Kellson, he had to gaze upwards to still be able to look Mulder in the face.

"One last time Kellson, What. Have. You. Said. To. Scully.? "Mulder kept his voice calm, the words were pressed by an angry baritone through his gritted teeth. Kellson could feel Mulders rage.

"Easy Spooky, I didn't do anything ... I've talked with her and wanted to take her out for dinner... and quite honestly, even if you don't like it, I think she liked the attention. Or why should a woman, begin to tremble from just a little touch. I think you rather overestimate your competence here Mulder. "

„I’ll give you an advice Kellson, should I see you near her again, or should you touch her again, then I’ll promise you, you’ll be pissing through a catheter until the end of your days ..." before Mulder turned around he looked at Kellson again "Instead of making small crappy bets, you should learn to treat Agents like Scully with the respect they deserve. If you make one more mistake like that again, I will report this ... Didn't you have a promotion coming up?! "

"Gosh's it’s all right, we just had a little fun between guys." Was Kellson’s answer. Mulder turned away and was about to leave the room, as added Kellson muttering "You're welcome to keep your Frigid Ms.Spooky to yourself".

This sentence was the ignition to a dynamite charge, and at the same moment, Mulder turned around and Mulders fist hit Kellson’s chin.  
Breathing heavily Mulder stood before Kellson, who remained frozen just cupping his jaw. Mulder's eyes flashed with anger, with clenched fists and pressed lips, he looked down at Kellson.

"Is that enough?! ... That was the first warning Kellson, don’t provoke me any further.“  
All Kellson was able to manage in his state of shock was a nod.

The other two just watched as Agent Mulder was leaving the room. Neither of them dared to even make sound. With Mulder in this state of mind you better left him alone and therefore they crept soundlessly back to their office.

 

Apartment Dana Scully

6.10pm

The taxi driver had helped her and accompanied Scully up to her front door. He had carried her bag of purchases, which he had made on the way for her and Scully paid him more than generous, for his commitment.

In her apartment she took off her coat and jacket and left it behind on the floor. Tidiness, who needed tidiness, she could not see what it looked like anyway, so why should she care anyway.

As much as she tried to eliminate the memories that Kellson had brought up again, she couldn't .  
She couldn't manage to block out the demon of her memories from her consciousness, this demon was feeling rather comfortable and he succeeded in terrorizing all the good spirits of the day, so that only the pitch-black darkness of her personal hell remained.  
Stiff and like in trance, Scully staggered through her home, to her bedroom. She put the shopping bag down on her bed. After she had found her way into her bathroom and the bath water was already flowing into the bathtub, she went back to her bedroom to get rid her clothes and grabbed her bag.

Lost in thought she climbed into the tub, the burning hot water leaving behind a welcomed pain on her skin. She could still feel something. As the water covered her entire body,she turned off the taps. Automatically, her hand reached into the bag next to the bathtub and pulled out a bottle. Meticulously, Scully regarded the golden-brown liquid.

The only thing coming to her mind was a quote from Humphrey Bogart *The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind*  
A bitter smile, began to spread on her face. Leisurely, Scully opened the bottle and let the lid inadvertently fall to the ground.  
She put the bottle to her lips and felt the nutty, smoky-tasting liquid, burning its way down into her stomach.

The fiery path of the whiskey left a pleasant warmth. A warmth that she hadn't felt for a long time.   
With each sip, her inner hell mingled a little further with the spark of whiskeys.  
The images were vague, the demons began to solidify into statues and she felt herself drifting into the pleasant misty silence of her numbed soul. Each additional drink was, as another gust of wind in the jib of her sailing boat, which drove her to a distant world.

Scully's arms hung limb over the edges of the tub. Her fingers enclosed the almost empty bottle powerless. She could not see any light that could lead her out of her hell, but just as she was again trapped with her memories and the darkness the blazing fire of the whiskey began to slowly but steadily spread over her and she welcomed this feeling.

Lost, she drained the last bit out of the bottle. The warmth of the water and the heat of the whiskey gave her an imitated feeling of security. A security which she couldn't remember any more. But now she felt it and she wanted to lose herself completely in this sense. No matter how genuine this feeling was in reality.

Her nerveless fingers loosened from the volatile hold she still had on the bottle, and let it fall to the ground.  
Scully's head slumped to the side and sleep engulfed her. The breath of life, flowed through her open lips which deposed from her pale face.  
The salty wet of tears gleamed like silver on her skin, which was lit only by the falling sun shining through her bathroom window. She was free, at least for a short time.

Scully's apartment  
6.40pm

Mulder's frantic and loud knock brought him no reactions. Scully did not open the door. He had on the way to her, even tried to reach her several times, but without any success.  
He feverishly fished for Scully's key in his pocket. Driven by the worst fears, he fumbled frantically with the door lock. When he entered the apartment, his eyes immediately fell on the clothes on the floor. So she was at home.

Relief spread through him. But already the next thought made him worry because Scully was not a messy person who carelessly left her clothes on the floor.  
Cautiously he made his way through Scully's apartment, he wanted by no means to scare her, in the case that she had taken nap due to exhaustion.

Slowly, he opened the door to Scully's bedroom, all he saw was that her bed was made and her remaining clothes were lying around. It was deadly silent. Had she changed her clothes and went back? No, that didn't make any sense, because then she certainly would have locked her door and she wasn't really able to dress herself without a little help.

Maybe she was in the bathroom.  
"Scully? Scully are you in there? "Asked his voice cautiously.  
After a few seconds, and no answer, Mulder decided to take a look inside of the bath.  
Trapped in a never-ending second, Mulder stood motionless with horrified wide eyes, before the unreal image that was offered to him. Stunned, he stared at the floor, on which the last drop of whiskey, paved their way out of the bottle like tears.

Hastily his eyes danced searchingly around the room,he didn't know what he was searching for because his thoughts were not able to find a clear path to its motor functions.

Help… he had to help Scully ... This wandering thought flowed through his spiritual levels, in search of the brain who could handle it. Ultimately, however, this thought only found the consciousness of a man who was looking into the broken world before him.

Mulder's knees melted formally under him. He knelt next to the tub and Scully, he gently touched her cold hand, searching for a pulse. He found it. Gently, he stroked her wet hair from her face.  
"Scully ... Scully wake up, It’s me, Mulder ..." Mulder's voice held the desperation of a drowning men within itself.

"Scully ... come on ... Dana ..." He carefully touched her skin . Scully's body felt cold, how long had she been in this tub?! He had to get her out of the water and he needed to try as good as possible to warm her up.

As carefully as possible, he laid Scully onto her bed, she was wrapped into several blankets and he held her tightly. He cradled her in his arm, fearing that he once he broke the contact with her, she was no longer there. He could not repress the sight of her, extremely heavy tears formed in his eyes.

Scully was never a big drinker. She was never the person to solve her problems this way, why couldn't she talk to him. The last few weeks he thought they had plunged into a new nearness hadn't they?  
In the perfect silence of the room, broken only by the breathing of their lungs, Mulder heard Scullys faint supplication "Can not ... can not ... Will not ..." Mulder's heart broke with every pleading tone that escaped Scully's soul "I'm sorry Mom .... I'm sorry Mulder ... I just can’t… "

„shhhh…Scully ... It's all right, I'm here" he lovingly stroked her hair as he pulled her closer to him. He did not know how much time had passed until Scully again sunk into a peaceful sleep. He put her wrapped in the blankets down onto the pillows of her bed and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He was sure that she would need some if she woke up.

When he had put the coffee on, Mulder walked over to Scully's shelf and looked for a CD, which he wanted to put in the CD player in order to at least quietly interrupt the thankless silence.  
His hands groped something that was no CD. When he saw what he had brought out from the CD rack, he stopped short of breath. It was a small leather-bound book.

It was that book that she had with her when she had visited him in order to speak with him. That, however, never had happened, his guilty conscience reminded him. The image that he and Diana must have provided that time, had prevented this conversation from ever happening.

His fingers reverently slid over the smooth leather and finally, over the embossed gold initials of Scully. He knew Scully's most secret thoughts and words had to be in this book. His thoughts balanced between the desire to know what she had wanted to share with him and the confidence that he would probably break if he read the book unasked.

All he wanted was to help her and to know what was really going on inside of her head. He wanted to know what she felt, thought and what her aspirations were. Maybe, the words in this book, were the key to open the hidden door of her protective walls.  
Mulder sat on the sofa, the book in his hands and he closed his eyes.  
* Forgive me Scully * was the last thought before his fingers, opened the book.  
His gaze wandered over the unmistakable signature of his partner.

 

Today when I saw you again, I knew how much I needed you I became aware of how much I have always needed you. How right it was to do everything in my power to help you, help our search. You said the stars are a sign of eternity, I would wander a thousand years from star to star, in every conceivable universe there is just to find you again. I would learn all the languages of life only to be able to talk to you. I would give up even myself if it would mean to see you again. I know how difficult it sometimes has to be for you with my unnerving questioning to your theories, but I hope you know you're the only one I trust ….

Mulder's eyes could not believe what he was reading there. He was aware that Scully was worried about him and was always there for him, but he never thought that he was holding this weight in her life.  
He flipped to the next page. Seeing the date he realized that it was about the time when he had continuously been looking for something that could cure her cancer.

Mulder, I can feel the winter coming over me and I slowly freeze to death under him. Thousand unexplained thoughts tarnish my view of the spring. Instead of answering these questions with you, I am struggling with the silence of the winter night, a night which almost entirely breaking over me. Although I promised you to fight and not to give up, I can only promise you not to freeze in the snow of yesterday, but to fall asleep in the sun rays of spring. In the hope that you will answer my thousand questions and continue our search.  
I know that you are already looking for these answers and I welcome the loneliness that surrounds me. Because in this solitude, the silence l’ll have to face soon can fully develop itself and I'm able to learn to accept that. Every moment, every now, each blink of an eye expands into this infinity, which is just waiting for the inevitable. I expect the inevitable alone, in the hope that it just engulfs me and after that I’ll watch you from the stars above you, and I hope that you won’t face this darkness.  
Mulder promise me never to give up, for me.

Each set brought the memories back out of the time when he was desperately looking for a cure for Scully. And about how hopeless the situation had been then. The only wonderful memory of that time was that this chip had helped to win the fight against cancer.  
Impatiently he turned to the last pages of the book.

I do not know how to explain it. I know that it is against all rules, against all reason, but it tears me up inside. I am not capable to put it into words, which will have the strength to come over my lips. Your smile is like a familiar home, the one you can even recognize from afar and you look forward to get back to again. Your trust is a gift, one has to wait for a long time, but the waiting was more than worth it. Your touches and hugs are places of refuge, in which I am now and then like to flee. My soul can’t be without you ... I do not know if you’ll ever feel the same way, but I pray that maybe one day you will.

Silent tears of joy, of being overwhelmed and surprised, stumbled across his cheeks. Never before, had he met this soulful side of Scully. He never imagined how profoundly her feelings really were for him, even if he had wished for it.  
Mulder's hungry eyes moved on to the last entry. Scully had written it after she had seen him and Diana. The date, in conjunction with the specified time revealed that to him.

I really wanted to… I wished it would have been different. I wanted to show it to him. I had hoped so much that he would feel the same. But when I arrived at his door, the picture I saw took all my colors away. As I look around, all I see is a world that is cloudy and a dull gray, like a bad draft without future prospects, in front of me. All I ask myself at the moment is whether my heart can ever shine again, if breathing in his presence will ever get easier again. Will there be the hope for my heart that the pain will be wiped away by joy again? Is that even possible for a heart that beats just for him? My happiness was broken today, and for a heart living in the darkness there will be no other love. What remains? What remains is the professional mask, which I will put on every single day to get through the day. I fear, a hot bath will do little to wash away the experience …

Perplexed, Mulder held the book tightly in his trembling hands holding. He could hardly believe what he had read. The words slipped deep into his soul. He became aware that he had just received a look at Dana. Not at Scully but at Dana. It was something which he had been waiting for a long time and yet it made him involuntarily sad because it was not like he wanted to know what was going on in your heart. He had hoped that one day she would tell him that personally.   
The sounds of movement from Scully's bedroom immediately attracted the full attention of Mulder.  
Shaken and stunned about what he had just read, he ran to Scully. He looked through the open door and saw that she sat wrapped in a blanket on the bed.


	18. Chapter 18

"Scully? It’s me ... Are you all right? "  
"Mulder ..." Scully's head bowed in shame "I'm sorry, I ... I do not know what's wrong with me…“  
With a few steps Mulder stood next to her and sat down beside her on her bed, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, he whispered softly against her ear "It's okay Scully ... but talk to me. What happened?"

Scully shook her head.

"Scully, you have to talk to me ... I do not want ... I don't want that you lose yourself further, so please talk to me?"  
Mulder could see that she tried to find the words and let have her time. Attentively, he stroked his hand over her shoulder.

"I ... I just do not know what to do anymore ... I want my old life back Mulder. I want to feel something again, I don't want to be caught in this darkness. Every day anew. "Scully took a deep breath and her voice was sad and quiet" I die Mulder ... every day a little more ... "

Mulder pulled Scully close to him, her head resting on his chest. Mulder gave her a gentle kiss on your cheek and held her tightly. „Scully no matter what happens, no matter how it goes, one thing will never change ... No matter how much everything stirs you up, I'm always there to help you. I can only help you restore your life, if you let me Scully. And I won’t give up and I will not allow it that you give up, do you get that Scully?! "a shy nod against his chest, let him understand that she had listened to him.

As much as he would have liked to hold her forever, he knew it took small steps to build Scully’s life and self-confidence up again. "Come on let's go into the living room, otherwise you will miss the Spooky coffee special!“ His encouraging voice, always managed to conjure up her face into a small, almost unnoticeable smile.

Together, they sat on the sofa and sipped their coffee. Mulder interrupted the silence after some time. "Do you think that tomorrow you will be able to finish off the blue stack of the reports?" He wanted to first embark on neutral ground before he wanted to have the answers to the real questions.

„You want me in the office? ... I mean, do you think that that is a good idea?" While she spoke she gesticulated with her hands in the direction of the bathroom and Mulder knew to what she meant.

"Of course, I did tell you before, I’m not digging through that jungle of reports alone! And besides, we have a deal that we talk to each other, really talk ... And the evening is still young Scully, so do not try to cop out of going to work tomorrow.“ He said with a significant wink.

"Mulder ... I just do not know what's wrong with me ..."  
"I think you know it Scully, but I think you are not ready to accept it." Mulder said calm and accepting.  
"I ... Mulder, I just hate being at everybody's mercy... vulnerable ... And I’m not able to defend myself ... I don't know, it doesn't matter anyway, I think its like the say time heals all wounds.“ Scully finished powerless.

"First, do not throw those country loves at me and secondly, Scully, you're not defenseless or unable to protect yourself, I think you just have to learn to make the most of your opportunities."

"Mulder what opportunities?" She said incredulously.  
"You really asking me about opportunities? I can’t even steal a candy bar from your shelf without you hearing it even when you in the next room. I would say your hearing can be a weapon, you just have to learn to use it properly.“ He grinned inevitably thinking about the matter of the chocolate bar. "What do you think about training it?"  
"Um ... Mulder how do you wanna do that?"

„You want to try it or not?" Mulder challenged her.  
„Okay, no harm in trying it right?!“  
"That's my Scully" Mulder said proudly and ran back into her room to pack her gym clothes. After a few minutes Mulder came back, the sports bag in his hands and said to Scully: "Come on Scully, let's go!"

"What? Mulder, I thought we would start that tomorrow ... My head still roars a little."  
"No, no, no, Scully, you said let's try it and we will do that now, so get up from the couch.“ Mulders good mood couldn't be stopped by anything at the moment and so Scully decided to give in. Before she knew it, they were both sitting in the car, on the way to the FBI Training Center.

FBI Training Center  
Gym 3 - 9.30pm

Scully and Mulder were just getting out of the dressing room in the hall when a woman already greeted Mulder.  
"Hello Eve, thank you for taking the time.“ Scully immediately through all females she knew but none of them was called Eve.  
"Hey Mulder, no problem, I told you I owed you one.“ The woman had a clear, bright voice and Scully guessed her to be in her early thirties.  
"Eve, I want you to meet someone this is Agent Dana Scully.“ Mulder's voice was inevitably bright and held a hint of pride when he took Scully's name into his mouth.  
"Hello Agent Scully, I am pleased to meet you, I'm Eve" Scully reached intuitively her hand into the direction from which the woman's voice came.  
"Hello, I am also pleased to meet you.“  
"All right, Agent Scully, Mulder told me what this is all about and I am happy to show you a few things. And believe me, it will be more fun than you think.“ Eve saw Scully's skeptical expression and therefore added "Agent Scully trust me, I'm a self-defense coach for people with specific impairments, but those impairments are just a hinderance until you know how you can draw your advantage from them. So are you ready Agent Scully? "  
Scully could hear the enthusiasm in Eve's voice and decided to be more friendly with her.  
"Yes I am and just call me Dana.“

Together they went over to the already established mats. Eve positioned Scully and Mulder instructed to line up 10 yards behind her.  
Eve stood close to Scully and whispered to her "So Dana, you are now focusing on everything you have learned in the Academy, I don't need to show how the handles because you know them and right know its not about that. What you do now, pay attention to vibrations, soft sounds and try to locate these sounds. Your task is to locate Mulder as soon as I say stop. I’ll produce sounds from time to time so you need to filter these to and classify them.“  
Scully nodded "Okay"  
The first hour went by faster than Scully noticed. The auditory exercises in the gym were more strenuous than she had thought. Nevertheless, the more she repeated this, the more certain Scully became in locating her targets.  
"So Dana, are you ready to go flat out?" Eve asked motivated.  
"Yes okay" Scully was a little hesitant.  
"Mulder please go to the other side of the gym, I’ll first give Dana a few instructions and then I’ll come over to you.“ Mulder went like he was assigned to the other end of the gym.  
Mulder saw Eve talking to Scully, but he could not hear exactly what the women were discussing. Finally, Eve came to him and told him to try to overwhelm Scully from behind. Before she gave the go-ahead, she pressed the CD player from which recorded background noises from a city came out. Eve gave Mulder the sign, he slowly crept up at Scully.  
Scully moved slowly down the hall, even if she knew that this was just an exercise, she was feeling uneasy. She did not like not knowing what would happen, or when it would happen. Her limbs stiffened and she felt fear ascending in her chest like an unwelcome friend.  
There was nothing in this gym she had to be afraid of, but alone that feeling of something unexpected happening made her panic. Scully tried hard to keep her emotions under the surface and in check. Suddenly she felt two hands grabbing her shoulders. Frozen in fear, her body tensed and she stood still like a statue. Eve's voice came muffled through to her "Dana you can do it, concentrate!“ Mulder tried now, as instructed by Eve, to overwhelm Scully. There was no resistance coming from Scully. Within seconds Scully was lying below Mulder on the mats.

When Mulder saw Scully’s face, he looked in the mirror of naked horror. He knew she was back in her dark place, back where she was powerless. Her eyes glazed with tears, her body trembling with terror. Scully's breathing was ragged and Mulder turned immediately off from her and helped her back on her feet.  
"Scully?" It came softly questioning from his lips "Scully nothing can happen here, it's just me. Scully, talk to me.“  
"I'm sorry Mulder, really I want to make it work, I do not know why I just freeze." Scully's voice revealed her despair, "I think I'm wasting the time of everybody.“  
Eve's voice cut through the room after she had viewed the scene in peace "Nonsense Dana."  
Eve's voice had torn both from their own world and both turned to Eve. "Dana I wanna talk to you alone for a second.“ The sincerity of her words alone made Mulder move as far away as he could get.

"I'll go get us something to drink, if you need me I'm in the changing cubicle.“ Mulder disappeared in a hurry and left the women to their talk.  
Eve suggested they sit down for a moment so Scully joined eve sitting on the mats.  
"Dana, Mulder told me that you have recently lost your eyesight. Feeling uncomfortable therefore is completely normal. But that’s not the whole story right? "Eve's question came gently but simultaneously demanding for an answer.  
Scully nodded.

"Dana, you want to know what I see when I watch you?" Scully affirmative silence mad Eve talk again "I see myself 6 years ago Dana. I was just like you. I was terrified, I had moments when my body was cheating on me by simply not moving, no matter how much I wanted it. Touch, no matter who it was, made me panic.  
I withdrew into myself, I tried to banish all what happened to me from my mind. I tried it with alcohol, I did hurt myself just to feel if I was still alive. That was the only control I had left hurting myself. Dana, my life seemed to flow through my fingers like sand, the more I tried to cling to it, the more I lost myself. "  
Eve's words didn't hid any emotion, as she continued saying "I wanted my life back Dana, I didn't wanted to feel small and helpless anymore.I wanted to be strong again. Eventually I came to the point where I realized that I will not get my old life back, but that I had the opportunity to build me a new life. And by building up this new life I was free of the man who had taken my old, he had no more power over me.  
My fear turned to anger, anger that I had given him this power over me. I went to a therapist, which helped me to process the whole thing. She also gave me the tip, to attend a self-defense course, and that is where my strength returned, it gave me back my confidence and I regained my courage. Dana, try to put all the fear and anger together and transform it into power. Do you think we can try again?“

Scully still processed what Eve had just told her. Eve told her about her fate and Eve’s openness took some of her shame that she always felt again when she drifted back to the abyss.  
"Okay I'll try it again.“  
"Good. And Dana, don't worry about Mulder he is well protected, so do not hold back.“ A mischievous laugh, played about her statement. Eve got Mulder back from the cubicle and Eve shared some words with Scully before they tried again. On Eve’s sign he tried again and as quietly as it was possible for him he snook up on Scully.  
In a flash, he grabbed Scully and held her tightly agains his chest. Just for a blink of the eye, Scully threatened to be captured by the darkness again.

But then Eve’s words shot through her mind. Scully’s heel soared upwards and didn't miss Mulder's masculinity. Abruptly, Mulder's captivating hold on her loosened and her elbows flew over her shoulder and Scully felt something banging against her elbow.

Mulder lay panting on the floor when Scully was aware of whom she had just harder than necessary send on the mats. Using his fingertips, he could feel that his lip had to pay tribute to Scully rediscovering her courage again.

Scully turned towards Mulder, his hands held high defensively in front of him. "Holy shit Scully ... enough ... I surrender ... Have mercy with me my Lady!" Scully was still a bit shocked at herself, but couldn't hide a small grin because of Mulders words.

Eve applauded with both hands and walked up to the two.  
"Excellent Dana, I knew you could do it! I'd say we'll meet again next week and work on other techniques. And until then, you've certainly recovered right Mulder? "Eve could not help but smile, because you rarely saw a man looking so surprised lying on the floor.

The three made up the new appointment, and the next way led the agents back to the dressing rooms because Eve had decided that it was enough for today. As Scully came out of the locker room, Mulder stood already waiting for her against the wall touching his lip.

"Hey Scully! Do you have everything?"  
"Yes, I'm ready. We can go.“ Mulder's strange way of speaking hadn't escaped Scully. "Mulder how bad does your face look?" Repentance accompanied her question.

„Not that bad, but Scully, it's good to know that you are not only having a dead-aim with the weapon. And you can also be honest know and admit that you dreamed of doing that for a long time,“ Although his cheek was a bit swollen and his lip was bruised and split, he was pleased with the progress that Scully had made today. And for that he would endure more that a split lip and a swollen cheek. 

"I'm sorry Mulder, that was just a reflex, I did not want to hurt you.“ Mulder shook his head in disbelief, because he was more than happy with this development.  
„Nothing to be sorry about Scully, it was an honor to be your personal punching bag my Lady. Always at your service!“ Smiling, Mulder put an arm around her shoulder as they went to the car.

Scully's apartment  
11.45pm  
Both entered Scully's apartment and Mulder put the gym bag, right next to the door. His cheek had in the mean time turned dark and hurt when he spoke. Scully moved into the kitchen and Mulder sat down on the couch.

"Would you like some tea Mulder?"  
"Mhm" was all he could manage without being in pain. Scully did immediately worry because of his taciturnity.  
"Mulder what's going on?" Mulder noticed her insecure, anxious mood.

"Nothing really Scully, it's nothing, my cheek is a little sore, but otherwise everything is really okay. Don't worry Scully."  
She immediately was overcome by a bad conscience, after all, she had been the one who had smashed her elbow in his face. While the kettle was on the stove, Scully felt through her refrigerator, looking for an ice pack.  
In one of the drawers, she had a small first-aid kit, where she had a salve against swelling. Packed with the ice pack and the kit she walked slowly over to Mulder, who flipped through the TV channels.

As Scully came into Mulder's view, he looked at her in amazement.  
"Scully what are you doing?" The words where pressed through his barely moving lips.  
"I'm still a doctor, in case you forgot that and I’m going to patch you up. After all, I owe it to you. "As she spoke, she sat down next to Mulder on the couch and fished in the kit for the ointment.

"Scully, this is really ..." with a smile, but with her best doctors voice she interrupted Mulder  
„NECESSARY ... Mulder simply shut your mouth and let me do what is necessary.“ The fingertips of her left hand laid over his lips and signaled to him that Scully couldn't be dissuaded from her mission.

Mulder turned to Scully, took her hands and placed them gently on his cheek. Gently, her fingertips felt out the bump on Mulder's cheek, which went from his jaw over his entire cheek. Mulder closed his eyes for a moment and enjoyed Scully's soft fingertips on his skin.

Her hands went away from Mulder's face to get the ointment, and she put a bit of the cold, viscous liquid on her forefinger. The immediate loss of her warm fingers, made Mulder open his eyes again and he saw Scully’s concentrated expression that he saw whenever she was completely immersed in her Doc mode. However, her eyes reflected an emptiness, it was the emptiness in which Scully looked herself, because from now on other senses had to do the seeing for her.  
Her lips were slightly parted, and she was focused on the application of the ointment. Mulder had to smile, because that was his typical Scully, everything she did she completed with 100% accuracy.

"Mulder why are you laughing?" She felt at her fingertips how his mouth lifted.  
"I'm not laughing, I'm just happy to have my private doctor again." Scully could not banish a shy smile from her face. Her fingertips where massaging the ointment in gentle circles into his skin and then left his face. A little stronger than she had intended to, she pressed the ice pack on his face, what drew an aching hum from Mulder. "Scully ... !!!"

"I'm sorry Mulder, that was probably a little too hard." She said apologetically.  
"No problem, I’m just happy that your patients normally can’t complain anymore, otherwise your approbation would be really in danger Scully, if you really studied medicine for that matter anyway.“ Mulder had hardly said the words, when she pushed her elbow lovingly but firmly into his the ribs.

"I'll get us the tea, and the ice remains on the cheek Mulder!" Scully left no doubt that he better followed her words if he wanted to avoid a serious discussion.

Scully returned with two steaming cups. They sat in a familiar silence sat for next to each other for a while.  
"Mulder ... I want to ask you something, I want to know something ... I, I mean, Am I standing in your way?" She hated her audible uncertainty.

"What do you mean Scully?" Mulder did not know what she meant.  
"I mean, in the development of your personal life ... Do I stand in your way, I mean, do you have to ... hold back?"  
"Scully I am satisfied with what I have in my personal life."

"Okay, but I mean would you act differently if I were not around you, I mean do you think you can’t ... can’t do certain things because of me?"

"What is this about Scully? I’m not following you.“ Mulder was really confused about the course of the conversation.  
"Forget it, Mulder, it is not important ... I just hope you know, I would be happy for you if you would find someone who makes you happy."

„I’m not forgetting it. And thanks that's nice, but I do not understand why you say that Scully. And I unfortunately haven't brought my Mulder-Scully, Scully-Mulder translation dictionary."  
Although he tried to loosen up Scully tenseness, he failed. Scully sat her legs pulled up to her body on her couch, sipping her tea. "I mean, you don't have to take me in consideration, if you ... if you want to date someone." Her voice was getting thiner with every word.

Mulder turned and stared at her for a few seconds. Why did she say these things? Where did she get the idea that he wanted another woman except her? He did not understand that, but he was sure it had something to do with this day today. And he would not let this issue rest until he knew where these thoughts in Scully's head came from.

"I'm not dating anyone Scully, where did you get that idea from? And now I would like to hear the truth and not some strange explanations Dana. "

Scully swallowed hard, she knew due to the fact that Mulder spoke to her by using her first name, it would be useless to make something up. He would notice it immediately if she tried to lie to him in any way.

"Today in the office, I heard a few agents, and ... and it was about that…. I would keep you from having a life ... getting dates with female employees. And now that since I’m blind you could flirt uninhibited. And I just want to say that you ... that you can do what you want, it's none ... none of my business what you do…“ Mulder took her cup from her hands and covered them. Scully paused.

"Scully, you should know better than to listen to this gossip. I promise you, you are not holding me back from anything. I lead the life I have chosen. I have the X-files, an intelligent, sometimes slightly stubborn partner who always has my back.  
But more than that, I have you as my inner voice that tells me what is wrong and what is right. You saved me from stupid decisions and you are my driving force. I need no other woman in my life.“ He gently stroked her hair out of her face.

"And I want you to listen to me right now. If I could start all over again, I wouldn't do anything differently. Well, except that I would have preferred having you straddling me and not Detective White. "  
"Mulder ... !!" Scully blushed a little.

Mulder touched her shoulders and pulled her lovingly in his lap and pressed her to his chest. Scully put her arms around him and listened to Mulder's soft words as she soaked up the warmth of his embrace.

"Never doubt how the importance of you in my life Scully, and never fancy yourself in believing that there could be anybody who would be able to replace you." He gently placed a kiss on the crown of her head. The growing sense of never releasing her, built continuously up in him. And before he could do something stupid, he had to end this situation out of necessity.

"And now I would say, even a Dana Ali should try to get some sleep. Not that you are lacking the energy of boxing down the mountains of reports tomorrow. "Mulder let Scully slid from his embrace and grabbed the two cups and brought them to the sink.

Scully followed him a moment later and captured his hand, as he stood before her. She pressed them thankfully.  
"Good night, Mulder"

"Sleep well Scully" but before Mulder could make his way to his dormitory on the couch, she stood on tiptoe and planted a gossamer, shy kiss on his cheek.  
Scully shooed to her bedroom before Mulder was bale to say something.

With a satisfied smile, Mulder stood in the middle of Scully's apartment and looked after her as she disappeared into her bedroom. It were those moments when Scully could turn his world upside down within a blink of an eye.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to @fisheeluver94 for the beta! :)

Tuesday  
FBI building 7.15 am

Mulder and Scully were back in their basement office after a quick breakfast and worked their way through the jungle of files and reports. Both sat in their seats focused on their work, every now and then, however, Mulder caught himself as he stared at Scully. When he tried to take care of his paperwork again, the phone rang.

“Mulder”  
“Agent Mulder, it’s AD Skinner”  
“Ah hello Sir, what is it?”  
“Agent Mulder is Agent Scully with you?” Skinner's voice, as usual, didn't reveal any presumptions.

“Yes sir, we’re working on our reports.”  
“Agent Mulder, I just got a call from the prosecutor. Scully’s been summoned as a witness. The trial starts in three days. You’re exempted for the duration of the process, if you want.”  
“Okay sir, I'll talk to you later and let you know. Thank you.”  
“Agent Mulder one more thing, my offer still stands, no matter what you should need, just let me know.”  
"Thank you sir. I really do appreciate that.”  
Mulder knew that Skinner was more than just their boss after all that had happened. They could rely on his word. Now he only had to tell Scully the news.

Mulder put the receiver back and looked over at Scully, who still had her headset on and was working through their reports and hadn’t noticed anything about the phone call. Mulder walked over to her desk and gently touched her hand to avoid startling or frightening her.

“What is it Mulder?”

“Skinner just called and told me that the trial against Donnell will begin in 3 days.”   
Mulder's voice was cautious, because he didn't want to catch Scully off-guard.  
“Okay. So he will get his sentence.” For Scully the issue was over.

“Scully...that's not all, the prosecutor has called you as a witness.”  
Scully's face went blank within one second. Washed away was the carelessness of the last few hours. Her face was like a blank sheet of paper, there was nothing you could read from her expression.

Before her façade could crack, Scully struggled to react professionally.Washed away was the insouciance of the last hours.  
What’s the worst that could happen anyway? She would make her statement and Donnell would live the rest of his life behind bars.  
It was no big deal, at least she tried to convince herself of that. She could feel Mulder’s distressed look as it rested on her face. He was fighting not to show his depth of his concern, because if he would show it too much he knew that Scully would retreat back into herself and shut him out like she always did when she struggled with emotional issues. That was the reason why Mulder kept his worries, as best he could, under the brittle surface of his soul.

"Okay and when do I have to testify?” The monotony of her voice was just another instrument in her crumbling façade.  
"Skinner will let us know, all he knew was that the trial starts on Friday.”  
"Well, then...I’m going to continue working on the reports now.” Before Scully was able to put on her headset, Mulder put his hand supportively on her shoulder.  
"If you want to talk Scully...I'm the guy sitting behind the mountains of paper, just shout loud enough so I can hear you.” Scully nodded with a slight but mournful smile and Mulder went back to his seat.

Around noon Mulder decided it was finally time to escape the dusty basement office and to brace themselves for the rest of the paperwork with a lunch. Mulder ordered a steak with potatoes and vegetables. He had to admit, Scully's influence on his eating habits had left its mark. Scully only ordered a chef salad.

Mulder was starved so everything he had on his fork was devoured in seconds. While he shoveled fork after fork into his mouth, he noticed that Scully had barely touched a bite of her salad. Absently she poked around in her salad.

“Scully the steak is amazing; you have to try it.” Scully tried to rein his exuberance in by raising her eyebrow annoyingly.  
Mulder decided to simply ignore her. He speared a piece on his fork and turned back to Scully.  
“Open up Scully.”

“Mulder ....” When she opened her mouth, Mulder pushed his fork into it. Scully's baffled face was priceless. It was one of those Kodak moments where he wished someone would take a picture of it. Scully chewed speechless and Mulder watched her fascinated.

“Delicious isn't it?” He asked.  
His triumphant feeling was clearly heard through his voice. Scully swallowed and nodded to Mulder "Yes, thank you Mulder. It is very tasty, but I have my salad and I know how bad you need your daily fix of meat.”

“Oh Scully, with you I would always share and besides this rabbit food on your plate isn't enough to keep a mouse alive so open up!” Although it might be looking silly, he felt more than comfortable feeding HIS Scully. If she wanted it now or not was indeed another question which, at the moment, he had very little interested in. Besides, it wouldn't hurt Scully to get back a little more meat on her ribs.

Mulder had noticed that she had lost a lot of weight. But forcing a Dana Scully to do something she didn't want to do was like trying to put out a fire with oil. Thus he decided to exploit this situation.

"Mulder, it's your steak.” Scully said reproachfully.  
"Dana Katherine Scully, didn't your mother ever tell you what happens when you do not empty your plate?!” Unbeknownst to Scully, he had already loaded the next piece on the fork. He now only waited for the right opportunity.  
"Since that is your plate Mulder, your Theo ..."   
“Two points for me” Mulder thought mischievously as his fork also hit its target. He had a grin on his face and was thinking of how much he loved to tease Scully.

"Mulder!" Scully tried to remain as serious as possible, but his chuckles often managed to win her over or soften her anger. She couldn't stay angry at him so she gave in. “Okay Mulder, we can share YOUR steak, but only if I am no longer attacked by UFFs."  
"UFFs?" Mulder was confused.

"Unidentifiable Flying Forks. I have this information from reliable channels, they appear out of the blue. I think there is a conspiracy behind that. Therefore, we should take each sighting very seriously Mulder.” Scully whispered this information to Mulder, as if it were highly sensitive information.  
"Do you think the smoker is behind it?"

"No, I don't think so. I've heard these UFFs were developed by a man named Fox." Scully said in her most professional tone.  
"Fox? Who is named Fox nowadays? I think it’s a hoax and your source lied Scully.  
“If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced. Therefore, the truth must be somewhere out there Mulder.”

Both had to laugh involuntarily, as Scully quoted him. Both ate in peace and Mulder was pleased with himself and the world, because his mission to slip Scully more food worked.

 

FBI building  
Basement office 2.45pm

Mulder and Scully had returned to the office after their lunch again. Both felt the more carefree mood that was in the air, and Mulder was happy that no negative vibes clouded their day.

Scully was in the back corner of the adjoining small office when there was a knock at the door. When Mulder opened the door, one of Skinners leg men put a file in his hands and disappeared as quickly as he had come out of the office.  
Mulder let Scully know that he got a new file as he began to go through the information contained therein.

The file was about 4 cases of missing teenagers in two States. Mulder decided to take a more accurate look at the provided slides and then he wanted to try to develop a theory to the facts together with Scully.

With the slides in his hand, Mulder stepped up to the projector. After he briefly fumbled around with it and all settings had been made, he put out the light in the room and turned on the projector.  
Meanwhile Scully stood with her back to him, on a shelf in front of the projector wall and put her files down. He was amazed on a daily basis how well she could get around and how well she handled her tasks without her eyesight. 

"Scully, not that I don’t find your rear view very appealing, but can you come over here so we can try to work something out?” Her only response to his allusion was her furrowed brow, in conjunction with a smile. Scully turned around to make her way to her chair when she suddenly abruptly stopped.  
"Scully?"

She didn’t respond and remained standing completely silent. *That can’t be…* her thought started to rotate. She must have imagined things. Of course, she wanted nothing more than to see again but had she really noticed a light difference?!  
She blinked, trying to see these bright shades again. Nothing. She turned her head, there it was again, this white light. Scully didn't trust herself. Maybe this was it and she had gone over the edge and was becoming crazy. But what if she really could see the shadows.

"Scully, what's going on," Mulder did not know what had gotten into his partner. She was standing center of the room and turned herself around in the middle of the projector beam.  
"Mul... Mulder" No longer trusting her senses her voice faltered. "I don’t know if I imagining things, but I think I see something… “

The slides that Mulder had just been holding in his hands, fell to the ground. He was in front of her with three major steps, his eyes searched incredulously her face for a sign of confirmation.  
"Scully how? I mean, what do you see? Can you see me? “Nervously Mulder tried to sort his thoughts.  
"No, but there was a shadow and a light, I don’t know Mulder ... maybe I only imagined things because I want it to happen so badly. “

Mulder was not prepared to dismiss the whole thing as a wish, he grabbed his pocket flashlight and held it only a few centimeters in front of Scully's eyes. The noises he made it, irritated her.

"Mulder, what are you doing?”  
“Hold on a second Scully, I want to try something, trust me.” Her sigh was answer enough for him. He switched off the lights and turned on his flashlight and the bright neon lights flashed directly in Scully's eyes. He switched the flashlight on and off repeatedly to create the necessary contrast of dark and light. His whole body was tense, expectantly he looked at Scully. Was this really happening? Was it possible that her eyes slowly began to recover?

There it was again, shadow and light, she could not believe it. Her blue eyes began to shimmer, tears formed therein.  
"Doctor Albers" was all she managed to say.  
Mulder reacted quickly and grabbed her jacket. Still in disbelief over what had just happened in their office, they began to travel Doctor Albers.

Neither of them spoke, both were trying to sort out their thoughts and desires. Mulder hoped once again that his prayers, of which he did not know to whom of the powers he had exactly sent them may have been granted.  
Scully sat beside him, her fingers hooked into each other, kneading her knuckles. Her deep breaths, drew Mulder’s attention to you.

Encouragingly, he put his hand on her folded hands and let it rest there for a moment. This simple gesture had the power to reduce calm Scully down. A slight smile played on her lips and Mulder gently squeezed her hands before he broke the loving contact.

"Ready Scully?"  
Scully's powerful nod, got him out of the car and together they went on their search for Dr. Albers.

G. W. Hospital 4.00 pm  
Examination room 105- Doctor Albers

Scully sat on a couch and waited, along with Mulder, for the arrival of Doctor Albers. A nurse had brought them into the room and told them that they had to wait a little, because the doctor was with another patient.

Mulder stood opposite to Scully on the wall, watching her quietly. Her hands lay restlessly in her lap. Impatiently, she crossed her legs from left to right and back. Mulder rarely got see such a troubled Scully.

Spontaneously, he sat next to her on the couch. He gently put his hand on her forearm "Scully, don’t worry you are not missing anything here, really, nothing, the wall color is just as cruel as the last time.” This was exactly what she liked so much about him, he nearly always succeeded in cheering her up when she needed to the most.  
They knew each other so well that they both knew exactly what the other one needed and when. This was also the reason why they were so important to each other, even if they rarely openly showed it.

"Mulder, what if it’s just me imagining things?" Mulder breathed in audibly, “Then my chocolate bar problem will continue to exist, and I’ll have to think of something to trick you."  
Scully gave him a friendly push with her upper arm against his.

"Seriously, Scully, if it was a false alarm, then that doesn't matter. Nothing is going to change. Remember what I told you, because I’ll keep my word. Like I said, with or without eyesight you won’t get rid of me anymore.” His words were balm for her soul, yet the shadow of uncertainty wouldn’t completely disappear from her mind. Mulder looked at her closely and saw worries flashing like a thunderstorm over her features.

“Scully, stop worrying.” He lovingly took her face in both of his hands and gently stroked his thumb over her cheek. “You're all I've got Scully, you're my raging storm and my soothing silence, you are my beginning and the red line that guides me on my ways and that line never tears." Affectionately Mulder placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Who else could make me accept non-fat tofu ice-cream as a serious dessert?!"  
Both smiled a shy smile. Mulder's hands left her cheeks reluctantly. Scully lowered her head and whispered a quiet "Thanks Mulder"

The creak of the door made Scully look up. Doctor Albers greeted Mulder and Scully friendly and sat down on a stool in front of her.  
"So Dana, what can I do for you?"  
"Um, I think I can detect differences in light, but I don’t know if this is real or ... or if it’s just me imagining things. “Doctor Albers noted her uncertainty.

"Well, then I would say we start the examination and have a look if its wishful thinking or not.” Doctor Albers never seemed to be in a bad mood and everyone who dealt with him could feel that he loved his job and he gladly executed his tasks. Along with Scully, he went to a special treatment room and asked Mulder to wait until he was finished with the examination. Mulder nodded and sat down on the couch.

 

45 minutes later

After Mulder had bought coffee and scrolled through a medical journal, the door opened and Scully stood before him. He tried to read something from her face, but it was as if he was looking through frosted glass, as closely as he wanted to look, it was impossible to clearly identify things.  
"Mulder, I'm done, we can go now.”

"Okay ... Scully?" She knew that his curiosity almost killed him, so she decided to release him.  
"Doctor Albers says that I have to wait, but I didn’t imagine the shadows. He can’t say, if I will be able to see normally anytime soon or if that’s all I’ll ever be able to see but it is a positive development. The magic word hasn't changed, he said I had to have PATIENCE.”  
"But you can see shadows now, or at least differences in light, right Scully?”

"Yes Mulder I suppose I can see that.” Mulder’s eyes sparkled, like snow reflecting the sparkling of the sunshine. Without warning, he hugged Scully, holding her tight. Scully was first caught off guard and stood there in shock for a second, then wrapped her arms around him.

Surrounded by warmth and comfort, this world was only accessible to them. Mulder slowly dissolved himself from Scully, to protect himself and to be able to wake up again from this world. In the long run it was too early to fully relax in this little world that only belonged to them. Patience seemed to be the burden of both of them.


	20. Chapter 20

Friday morning 6.30am  
Dana Scully’s Apartment

Mulder was awake first. He laid there for about 20 minutes before deciding to go to the bakery and bring Scully breakfast. When he returned, the bakery bag was packed with croissants, wholemeal bread and cereals. As he began to set the table, he realized that he was going overboard; he hoped Scully wouldn’t mind, as all of it was for her. The trial was today, and he knew Scully was nervous. The least he could do was make sure that Scully was able to enjoy the morning with an adequate breakfast. 

Routinely, Mulder moved around in Scully's kitchen. When he held his nose over the coffee, he could take in the fresh scent of the coffee itself. The only thing that was missing was the music. Mulder turned to Scully's radio and gentle jazz rhythms echoed softly, invigorating through the apartment.

While Mulder had prepared the breakfast, Scully must have flitted into the shower, because he heard the patter of the water and the hum of the pipes through which the water pumped.  
Scully entered the kitchen a few minutes later, wearing her bathrobe and a towel on her head.

"Good morning, Scully," Mulder said good-mooded.  
"Morning" Scully muttered something contrite "I smell coffee Mulder, is it finished?" Tired, Scully sat at the table.  
"Yep everything is ready for you my lady, coffee as always!“ Scully's depressed mood was obvious.  
"No, just black ... black and strong" exhausted she leaned her head on her palm.  
"Scully everything okay?" Just as he had uttered the question, he knew the answer already.

"Yes Mulder I'm fine"  
„Okay, so you didn't sleep well... I hope the breakfast makes up for it a little. What do you feel like eating Scully? "Mulder ignored her ailing mood easily.  
"Mulder that's nice, thank you. But I'm not hungry."  
"Forget it Scully, I got up early to go to the bakery to get the best croissants, and I got your cereal, and fruit and whatever else you need for a Champions Breakfast. So with what should we start? "

Scully let a resigned sigh through her lips, because she knew that Mulder wouldn't give in until she had breakfast with him.  
And she knew he was right and that she had to eat something, because it would be a long day. Thinking about that he had done all these things, specially for her let a sunny warmth spread inside of her. Mulder could be a true gentleman, if he wanted. She appreciated his efforts, and made up her mind at this moment, to show him her appreciation more often.

"Cereal" She answered him and gave him one of her rare, as Mulder put it, Scully-smiles. A smile that could brighten his day. Together they ate, and after both had their second cup of coffee in front of them, Scully turned to Mulder and stood up "Mulder would you mind coming in my bedroom?"  
"Uh lalala Agent Scully" she could visualize him waggling his eyebrows. "If I knew that a good breakfast had that effect on you, then I would have started with this service earlier."

"Mulder," even if she wanted to sound serious, she couldn't pull it off, Mulder would not be Mulder without his allusions.  
Both were finally in front of her closet and Scully chose what she wanted to wear. Even, if she was mostly wearing skirts, it didn't surprise Mulder that she now decided to wear pants. He put her black trousers, cream-colored blouse and black blazer, on the bed, leaving her bedroom to clean up the breakfast battlefield.  
Mulder had barely finished as Scully stepped out of her room. She was always well maintained and tastefully dressed. Although the choice of her clothing has always been conservative, which came with her job, it underlined her feminine side and looked elegant.

Once again, her appearance made Mulder speechless. She was exquisite, despite her small size, she was perfect in Mulder's eyes. Her way of walking had the grace of a panther, at the same time she had the pride of a lioness. Yes Scully was a the equivalent of a feline predator, on the one hand shy, aloof and gentle on the other side dangerous and strong.

Scully headed to the shadow in front of her. Even if it were only shadows, it was a bright spot in an otherwise gloomy world and it gave her some sense of security.  
„Are you ready to go Mulder?" His silence let her feeling insecure.  
"No," his eyes looked at her again from head to toe. Scully looked at him in surprise. "I'll get a potato sack really quick so I can put you into that."

Scully laughed heartily "Mulder ... Come on, let’s go.“  
Mulder hooked Scully’s arm over his and stooped slightly down to her ear, as he stood beside her. "Scully, I’m serious, you look beautiful. And you know, I can be very possessive.“ Goose bumps ran down Scullys back. Mulder felt her reaction and put a little distance between them.

"Scully, do you want me to come with you or do you want to do this alone?"  
"Why do you ask Mulder? If you have something to do ... then that's okay."  
Scully seemed to be disappointed by his question and she seemed to think that he did not want to go with her. Mulder decided to correct her mistaken belief immediately.

"No Scully I haven't planned anything, I just didn't know if you want me to come with you. If you had wanted to this on your own, I would have gone to the hairdresser to pass the time. So I don't look like totally unattractive next to you. "

Just before Scully walked out of her apartment door, she abruptly stopped. Immediately Mulder thought his comments had gone to far and that he had crossed one of their unspoken boarders. What had he said wrong. Immediately, his guilt mode went into overdrive.

"What's wrong Scully?"  
Scully's gesture, showed that it was something that was weighing hard on her soul. She lowered her head slightly "Nothing Mulder ... I just… just remembered that ... that I might someday ... if I should not be able to see again ... then I may forget how you looked ... that I can no longer see you figuratively before my eyes, because the image will get too blurry ... and I ... I don't want that to happen.“ Her voice was fragile and quiet to his ears.

Mulder took her hands in his and led them to his head. "And what do you think Scully? What is your scientific mind telling you? Does the hairdresser have to wait or is it to long?"  
Slowly and extensively, she drove through his thick hair. As her hands left his head, she thought for a moment. "I think you have a little more time Mulder, your hair isn't completely covering your ears yet. I like it when you wear it shorter…“ a small smile flickered across her face before Mulder hooked her arm under his again and they made their way to the courthouse.  
"Then I’ll go to the hairdresser tomorrow.“ was all Mulder replied.

Courtroom 9  
9.05Uhr

Mulder had taken a seat with Skinner in the hall. Scully waited patiently to be called to the witness stand. Skinner and Mulder had been notified that their interview should take place tomorrow.  
Skinner knew the defender of Donnell and tried to swallow his displeasure. Mulder who looked at his boss, noticed his tension.

"Sir are you okay?"  
"Yes, it's all right, I only know the defender and the man is fighting tooth and nail, whether they are justified or not." Skinner's aversion was unmistakable. Mulder was not sure how he'd assess the defender.  
After the judge Hanks went through all the paperwork, Scully was already called to the witness stand. Accompanied by a police officer who led her to her place, Scully entered the room. Her tension was palpable.

Professionally and stiff, Scully sat visibly uncomfortable in her seat. The defender immediately with his interrogation after Scully was caution of her rights.  
"Miss Scully, you knew my client previously?"  
"Correct" Scully’s reply was scarce and cool.  
"Is it also correct that you knew each other better?" Scully knew that this was an innuendo.  
"Define closer" she countered.

„Did you have contact to my client outside of your job? And if so, what kind of contact was that? "  
"I met him during a medical seminar. We then had a meal together. Then there was only one more message in which Jason had asked for another meeting. I called him back then. Since I had a lot to do, I told him I would let him know when I had more time. "

"I see you are calling my client by his first name. And that sounds to be honest, very familiar and close. But well, you know what my client is accused of. I have my doubts when I hear…“  
Scully cut off his sentence "Doubts about what?"

Confident, the defender moved closer to Scully, "I doubt that a penalization of Mister Donnell would be correct. Let me some show you some things from my research just to give the jury a complete picture. "  
The defender Mister Sparks stepped back to his table and took a file into his hands.

"According to my research and interviews, you weren't a child of sadness during your college years. I have several statements from former classmates that designate you as open, happy to try out new things, spontaneous, gregarious and sociable.“ Scully swallowed hearing those embodiments. "In the FBI you are working with an Agent called Mulder.  
Your partner was described in relation to your person to me as a possessive, irascible and controlling. Could it not be true that you may fear his reaction, if he would find out that you were dating my client?“ Scully knew that Sparks had not yet finished with his remarks.

"And could it not be that this whole story, has gotten out of hand? I mean Miss Scully, can it not be possible that you and my client share the same sexual preferences and you performed this scenario in agreement with him? Is it not possible that you panicked when you found out Agent Mulder found this homepage and you feared his reaction? And therefore can it not be that you accuse my client of something that in this form, is not the truth? "

Scully could not believe what she heard here. All the color drained from her face, and she had the feeling that slowly but surely any oxygen escaped from the room.  
Mulder, who listened to the remarks, clenched his fists. He and Skinner couldn't believe their ears. How could this man Sparks suggest that Scully was a willing participant in Donnells sick fantasies. The anger in him rose with steady steps.

"And Agent Scully, I have no problem to call more witnesses to confirm my research regarding your persona." Sparks took his last hit "Before you comment on my questions, I was asking myself, after I the had a chance to look at the photographs of you and my client why didn't you fight back.  
I mean, if you did not want the coitus, why did you not at least try and defend yourself, why did you let my client without and I want to emphasize here, WITHOUT any resistance grant his actions? "  
Breathing for Scully was getting increasingly difficult, Mulder could see the silent screams of her face. Her chest was felt like a rope was tied around her, the words of the lawyer echoed around in her head.  
Words she wanted to speak, slipped on the desperation in her thoughts. Nothing of what the lawyer had said was true, but what should she respond to that? She did not want to burst into tears, and neither did she wanted to be seen as a sobbing and broken victim, sitting in this courtroom.

She had resisted, but eventually her strengths were exhausted, and she had been glad to have missed some of the things that Donnell had done to her.  
"Agent Scully, answer my questions." Sparks impatience broke her hypnotic state.

"I didn't want what happened." Scully's first small and weak sounding voice became stronger, the more she was saying "I did not agree to it. Agent Mulder has nothing to do with it. I was held against my will. The ... coitus ... was done without my consent. "

The images of a stertorous, excited Donnell, lying over her, crossed her inner eye. Scully swallowed hard. Her hands trembled slightly.

"Well Agent Scully, I don't yet understand why we then found no evidence of typical rape features on you? As I understand the medical reports, the injuries could have emerged from consensual sexual acts,don´t they? "

Skinner and Mulder looked at each other in disgust. Both knew Sparks tactic was to compromise Scully. They knew that if Scully should not be convincing enough the video would be shown publicly. Shortly before the trial, it had already been discussed whether this video should be shown so that Scully did not have to testify.  
But Scully was the one who prevented the video to be shown. Although Mulder and Skinner tried to convince her to give them the consent, she wasn't changing her mind.

Sparks knew Scully had prevented the video to be shown and he wanted to draw his advantage out of that decision. Because he knew that this video was clear proof of the guilt of Donnell. But as long as the jury didn't see it, he had a good chance. So he tried to continue to increase the pressure on Scully.

"I was only partially conscious. In my medical files, you can find the injuries. Due to the severity of the injuries, I was not at any time in complete control of my motor functions and mental skills.“ As of yet Scully could maintain her outward facade.

Sparks now decided to go into total offensive. He briskly walked towards Scully and stood right in front of her. He bent slightly forward, placing his hands on the railing that separated Scully from him, his face was only an arm's length away from Scully. Scully could hear his breathing.

Sparks voice was dangerously quiet when he started murmuring towards Scully "Agent Scully, I understand that you don't like to talk about your extravagant sexual preferences in public, but do you find it legitimate that my client will be punished for something that’s not the truth? No one is judging you because of what you prefer to do in your personal life, after all, we live in a free country. But as I said Agent Scully, I don't think that you didn't enjoy it as little as you want us to believe. "

Mulder could hardly keep himself still in his seat. Scully's eyes told him that she was on the end of her rope, thats she couldn't take it any longer. But he was powerless and Skinner had gestured to him to remain silent. Scully's thoughts didn't know where to go, she shivered although she did not feel cold, memories, that tore the wounds of her soul open, whirling razor sharp inside of her.  
Sparks saw the impact of his words "Agent Scully, silence won’t help you here, I can understand that you do not want to talk about your sexual preference, but then at least admit that it was a false alarm. That Jason Donnell is innocent. "

Her lips moved to protest, but the words didn't have the power to say anything out loud. The despair was too strong to fight against, tears of shame glittering in her eyes. Sparks went on to persuade her, but his words didn't reach her ears anymore. Mulder's face hardened with every second that he had to watch Sparks pushing his partner back deeper into her personal hell from which they had just found the way out.

As Scully didn't respond to Sparks attacks, Judge Hank intervened. The older, already grizzled man hadn't escaped the slumped figure of the witness.  
"Miss Scully ... .Miss Scully?" After the judge spoke to her repeatedly, Scully responded.  
"Yes, excuse me."  
"Do you want a short break Miss Scully?"  
"If it is possible, I would like to get some fresh air.“ Scully gave back exhausted.

The judge granted the break and interrupted the proceedings. No sooner had the judge interrupted the proceedings, Mulder jumped up from his seat and was quickly at Scullys side.  
Mulder had to suppress his anger over the defender, he now had to make sure he could somehow rebuild Scully, so she could survive this process.  
Carefully, he cupped her forearm, Scully recognized him because of his scent. His presence, his body heat and his smell, gave her an immediate sense of security. Both were on their way out.  
Mulder and Scully had gone into the back of the courthouse. Scully breathed the fresh air deep into her lungs. Mulder gave her a few moments to relax a little. Putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, Mulder approached Scully. Her slightly lowered head to the ground and her falling hair hiding her eyes so Mulder wasn't able to read her face.

With a familiar gentleness, Mulder stroked her hair back, looking worried into her tormented face. Tears of quiet desperation were creeping forlorn down over her cheeks. At the same moment, her face reflected a deep emptiness of whom Mulder did not know how to fill it.

Quietly moving her lips "Mulder". Scully didn't need to say more, for he hugged her to his chest. Her overwrought muscles relaxed. Mulder felt Scully calming down slowly.  
"Scully, you can do it. You've done everything you could do. Donnell belongs in prison. Do not think that anything of what this damn guy Sparks says, is convincing anyone.“ Lovingly caressing her head, Scully listened to his words.

"We will get through this day Scully. Donnell will never do anything like that again! Do not give him the chance to steal more from you today. Scully you're the strongest and most admirable woman I know, and I know you can do it. And if we have this behind us, then I hope you're ready for a little trip.“ Scully felt Mulder's shy smile on the crown of her head.  
Both stepped back from the hug and Mulder put his hands on Scully's shoulders.

"Come on, Miss Mohammed Ali, give him hell!“ a small smile crept onto Scully's face.  
"Thanks Mulder," just when they walked back into the building again, Scully paused "What trip Mulder?"  
Mulder grinned knowingly and walked further with her on his arm "Later Scully“

Courtroom 9  
11.15 am

Scully had again taken her seat and waited for the judge to open the hearing again. After brief formalities, judge Hanks told Sparks to move on with his questioning. Sparks could therefore proceed with his defense.

After Sparks had repeated his questions, Scully gasped a deep breath and started with her statement. Throughout the courtroom there was a shocked silence, as Scully, in all details, reproduced the martyrdom of her captivity. Mulder sat there with a shocked face, because he now first heard what was going on in the bunker before the video transmitting had happened.

„As soon as I resisted or disobeyed him, he put a plastic bag over my head, just long enough so that I was unconscious. He laughed, he liked to have that power. That was also what he told me. He said if he wanted, then I would be dead within the next second. "

After a brief pause, Scully continued. "After his punches and kicks no longer had the desired effect on me, because I no longer had the strength to react or do anything, he decided to get my attention with a stun gun. I can’t say how long that went on, because I had frequently lost consciousness..“ Scully's aloofness with which she told all of that amazed Mulder. At the same moment he knew that she had to distance herself from what had happened to endure this.

"And Mr. Sparks I really don't wish for anyone to have to go through what I experienced these days. And you won't believe how many times I would have liked for him to just kill me instead of going on and on inflicting pain on me. "Scully's pent-up anger and all her suppressed emotions were swinging in her voice.  
"The pain is one thing, the other is being exposed, humiliated and to be treated like a piece of dirt. Once you have made the same experience, please feel free to stand in front of me again and ask me if I did want that. But as long as you do not have made the same experience, I can say that no woman would ever join voluntarily and no one wants to experience something like that.  
Jason Donnell is a monster who had fun to torment and rape me. I have nothing more to say.“ Scully made an exhausted impression as she sank back in her place. Mulder wavered between the feeling of pride and shock over Scully's stories.

Sparks relented and released Scully from the witness stand because he had no further questions. The judge concluded the first day of the trial and set up the second day of the trial for the next morning at 9 am.

Mulder was immediately at Scully's side and both made themselves, after a brief conversation with Skinner, on their way to the car.

Apartment Dana Scully

In Scully's apartment they spent the rest of the day, with everyday things. Scully was not willing to talk about the process or Donnell and Mulder accepted that. He knew he would someday be having this conversation with her, just now wasn't the time.

Mulder lay on the sofa, his eyes fixed on the pages of the book he was reading curiously. Engrossed in the book, he did not notice that Scully had moved to the sofa.  
As her hand, touched the long shadow before her, Mulder winced frightened. "Jesus Scully, say something, you scared me to death. If you do that more often do I’ll get a heart attack and not from my eating habits. "  
Scully had to smile "I thought you heard me, what are you doing Mulder?"

"I ... uh, I took a book from your shelf and read it. Sorry, I should have asked before I started going through on your bookshelf.“ Scully did not escape the self-flagellating tone.  
"Mulder, it's just a bookcase, as long as I don't catch you rummaging through my underwear drawer, you do not have to ask, if you take something from the bookshelves." Mulder was relieved that Scully was not mad about it because he knew how much she valued her privacy.

"So that means if you don't catch me rummaging through your underwear drawer, it's okay to so it?"  
"MULDER !!!!"  
"What Scully ?! You said it yourself, as long as you don't catch me… Thus, you say yourself that it is fine as long as you do not catch me doing it. This also means you consider the option that I do it and you accept it as long as it doesn't happen in your presence."  
"MULLLLDEERRR!" She breathed short. "You know exactly what I meant ...".  
"Yes, it's okay if I rummage in your underwear drawer, as long as i make sure you wont catch me. Scully, I hope you know which male fantasies you release with that option. "  
Scullys only option was when Mulder was on a roll, to change the subject entirely.

„Are you hungry?"  
„Always Scully"  
She went to the phone and pressed the speed-dial button 8. When she had ordered the lasagna and salads, she hung up and went to the kitchen to put on some tea.


	21. Chapter 21

40 minutes later

 

When there was a knock at the door Mulder jumped up. Scully pointed to him to stay put and went with the money to the door. She opened the door to the young delivery-boy, who was standing there with their order in his hands.The boy placed to boxes in Scullys hands. She put the food on the small table next to her as she turned back to pay a well-known scent of aftershave went to her nose.It was Donnell. He was present in her mind again.

Just the smell of the aftershave was able to disturb her deeply. Her stomach dropped and her hands bean to shake. Her face turned pale and her skin went cold.„42,85$ please." 

Scully did not respond,lost in the memory that the scent of pine and sandalwood assaulted in her senses. Her petite form trembled, her hands shaking so badly that the money dropped from her hands, littering the carpet. “Ma'am?" the boy questioned, confused by the demeanor of the woman in front of him. 

Hearing her gasp, Mulder looked in the direction of the door and narrowed his eyes in concern. Scully's rigid stance; the helpless face of the boy.Hurrying to her side, he picked up the discarded bills from the floor, hastily shoving into the hands of the confused boy. “Keep the change,” the older man told him, closing the door before the younger man could ask any questions.Mulder stood helplessly, looking at Scully. Her face was pale, a cold sweat was covering her face, her unfocused eyes were seemingly far away. Her whole body was trembling. He slowly put his hands on her upper arms "Scully ... what's wrong?“ 

He rested his hands reassuringly on her shoulders, waiting for her to speak. Touching her wasn't only for her comfort, he also needed the contact to calm himself down and to keep his worries in check; reassuring himself that she was okay.She felt the gaping wounds of her heart. All the fear she had felt every time she could smell his scent; not knowing what he would do next to her. Feeling the knife cutting into her skin; feeling his hands touching her. Thinking she may never be able to see her family again; to never see Mulder gain; to never being able to tell him what she really felt. The worst thing was the feeling of being helpless and weak. 

She felt repressed grief and anger about herself and what had happened, about all the emptiness inside of her. She should have fought him more; she should have been able to protect herself; she should have done something…anything. Suddenly her fists beat on Mulder's chest as if she could relieve the emotional pain sparking inside of her. Her body was shaking harder, tears spilled from her eyes and suddenly her inner wall cracked and collapsed. Mulder knew exactly what was happening. All her bottled up emotions were finally getting the better of her. 

He was glad that it happened in the privacy of her apartment rather in a courtroom full of people. He knew how hard it was for Scully to show him what she was feeling and because of that Mulder just stood there his hands resting featherlight on her hips.Each strike was an attempt to free herself, to escape from the darkness. Mulder let her do it. With each stroke, he brought her closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around her. Not once did he flinch or try to stop her from letting her emotions fly. After the initial rush of her fists against his chest, the blows dried up slowly.

Scully slumping in Mulder's tight, comforting embrace. Her silent tears soaked through the shirt onto his skin, and he whispered into her ear soothingly. As she finally went limp in his arms Mulder kept whispering words of comfort and reassurance to her. „It’s alright Scully… it’s okay… you are safe here…“ „It`s just me and you…and no one is going to hurt you, you are safe here. I won’t let anything happen to you.“He knew words could not cure, what Scully had been through. Quietly, he sank to the floor with her in his arms, his back resting against the couch. 

Minutes passed in which Mulder held her, soothed her, leaving her tears to clean her soul of the darkness that ate away at her. As her breathing steadied, Mulder pushed aside the fallen tresses of her hair tucking them behind her ear. She was asleep, breathing slowly through her slightly opened lips. Her face marked by now dried tear streaks. Her hands tucked under her chin.Standing, he lifted her to the couch, laying her down gently as he covered her with a blanket.9.30pmScully’s ApartmentMulder sat in the chair reading. Watching her sleep, he glanced at her sporadically, observing her every flinch and twitch she made in her sleep. A low rumble from the couch, drew Mulder’s attention.Her eyes fluttered slightly, as she seemed to dissipate the haze of sleep.Mulder got up and knelt carefully in front of the couch. Light as a feather, he placed his hand on hers. 

As Scully was waking up and she mumbled ,"Mulder how long did I sleep?"Mulder smiled and gently brushed her hair out of her face, his fingers lingering for just a moment on her cheek. “Hello Sleeping Beauty" he remarked wryly. She sometimes asked the strangest questions after waking up, which never failed to bring a smile to his face. "Only a few hours,” he reassured her, tenderly stroking the side of her face. “Are you hungry? I can warm up our food, if you want.” he offered.Scully sat up, her face downcast as embarrassment tinged her cheeks „Mulder ... The scene I caused ... I'm sorry,., I didn’t…I’m sorry I beat … I….“ She broke away, trailing off as she shook her head. 

She smiled shyly at him. “So much for our quiet night of take out…”Mulder smiled softly, knowing knew how hard it was for her to show her emotions, or share her feelings.“It’s alright Scully, I like being your personal punching bag,” he said softly, his smile allaying any embarrassment she might have felt.” Standing, he looked down at her, “Okay, Miss Ali, lets warm up our food. I’ve been waiting all night to find out what $42 in take out tastes like.”She smiled up at him, making his heart beat faster.

That rare Scully smile that lit up her eyes, reminding him of the blue tranquility of a summer morning. Her eyes and that smile of hers made everything bette. It made all the colors brighter and it made him want to be the best person he could be. For her. He could lose himself in those eyes. If she only knew how many times a day he wished he could lose himself. In her.He turned away quickly, breaking the spell under which he fell all too frequently fell when he looked into her eyes for too long. Grateful, she couldn't see the flush that had spread over his cheeks. 

He hurried into the kitchen where he devoted himself to preparing their plates, grateful for the distraction. Scully heard his quick footsteps and seconds later the sound of plates and cupboards being opened and closed.She sat up straight, rubbing the kinks from her neck, remnant of her ill-fitted nap on the couch. It felt nice having him there, natural even. Her mind drifted to everything that had happened over the past few weeks. There were times she wondered if Mulder shared her feelings, felt the same fluttering in his stomach when their hands touched, if he felt at home in her presence too. She knew they loved each other but she wasn't sure if Mulder really could be in love with a woman like her. She was nothing like the women which normally turned Mulders head. A sad smile crossed her face as she thought about all the missed opportunities. Mulder was the only one who invaded her personal space with his touches the whole time, she let him tease her and she sometimes flirted back. But why hadn't he tried to kiss her again?

Shaking her head to clear her mind she took a deep breath and got up from the couch to join Mulder for their dinner in her kitchen.Mulder had set the table. The saffron-mussel lasagna sat in the middle of the table. Both of them started with their avocado salad with palm hearts, papaya and coriander. The wine fitted perfectly to their meal. The silence they shared was comfortable both were enjoying the food.Just when Mulder put their finished salad plates away and had handed her the lasagna, Scully spoke up. „Mulder what about tomorrow?“Mulder was surprised about the question. „What about it Scully?“ „ I don’t know… What… I mean what do we do… if… if the jury believes him?“

Mulder put his fork down and reach over the table to grasp her hand. „Scully, he will never touch you again. I’ll make sure of that. I promise you no matter what happens tomorrow he will never touch you again.“ He reassuringly squeezed her hand and saw her nod. „So Scully after we finish the most expensive but also most delicious lasagna in the history of take out, how about we go and have a little walk down the street for some dessert?“Scullys face lit up „You mean the Austrian pralinerie?“Mulder couldn't contain from chuckling seeing Scullys child-like eagerness „ Yeah that’s the one.“

Next morning-Courtroom 9

9:00am o'clock

"Agent Fox Mulder to the witness stand please.“ Mulder followed his call and sat down in the witness chair.Sparks- Donnell’s attorney- rose from his chair and stood before Mulder."Agent Mulder would you please describe your relationship with Agent Scully."

"Agent Scully and I are FBI-partners" Mulder answered summarily. Sparks, however, was living up to his reputation as a razor-sharp attorney . "So, you say you are regular business colleagues?“ Mulder knew exactly, what Sparks was insinuating, that they probably had been banging ever since the got paired up. And it angered Mulder that people like this Sparks tried to cheapen their relationship by just taking a superficial look at them. 

They knew nothing about the devotion, loyalty, trust and care which was the foundation of their relationship. "Yes, we are co-workers, partners.“ Mulder was trying hard to not let his annoyance get the better of him. He knew he had to keep his emotions in check otherwise Sparks could use his emotional outburst against him and Scully."How do you explain your emotional outbursts which, I would like to mention here, are documented, when it comes to your colleague?“ Sparks accusations were meant to make Mulder nervous and let him appear untrustworthy. Mulder cast a quick glance at Scully and the only sign of nervousness he could detect, was the fidgeting of her fingers in her lap. His eyes looked directly into Sparks. 

Mulder tried to take a cleansing breath before answering the question."I don't know what you want to imply or what that has to do with the process, but I will gladly answer your questions.“ he said, feeling anger creep up his chest „Each Agent is responsible for their partner - to have their back. Due to the special cases we investigate, I intervene when I think it is necessary, which isn't often the case as Agent Scully is able to do her job better than anyone I know.“ Scully smiled softly at him from the other side of the courtroom, his compliment registering in her eyes. The small smile on her face after hearing his words, had the power to calm him down. Looking at her face, he knew he had to keep his cool through the hearing. 

Sparks walked to the other side of the witness stand, handing Mulder a stack of papers. "How do you explain then, that your breakouts were characterized and interpreted as jealousy by the witnesses in those documents?" Sparks was worse than a Rottweiler on a hunt.„You had to be dragged out of the ICU when your partner was admitted and laying in a coma. You threatened the medical stuff and the security personnel while they removed you from the unit.“ Sparks took another document and handed it to Mulder as well. „You broke into the apartment of your neighbor without a warrant. 

Agent Scully was inside with your neighbor enjoying a coffee. Another incident took place at a medical clinic where you threatened a Dr. Calderon with your gun because of a little girl called Emily. A girl, Agent Scully cared for and was deathly ill at the time. So you want me to move on with the documents Agent Mulder? Because there is more…“ Sparks leaned backwards against his table, his armes crossed in front of him wearing an arrogant smirk on his face. Mulder saw out of the corner of his eye that Skinner had put a reassuring hand on Scullys fidgeting fingers. Her face was blank, but the nervousness surrounding her was nearly tangible."In my opinion, these are subjective interpretations that therefore arise because we are man and woman. In addition, these statements were made by male colleagues, trying to polish their wounded egos. No man is happy to be rejected by an attractive woman.“ he said, glancing over at Scully. A slight blushed crept up her cheeks. It was so rare that he referred to her as attractive, especially in a professional setting like a court of law.

"So you're saying that Agent Scully is attractive?“Mulder was very much aware, that Sparks tactic must be to goad him into some emotional outburst so he could make him look like a jealous lunatic and to use his reactions to free his client from the accusations. Sparks was known for getting a kick out of provoking witnesses and making them sound untrustworthy."Of course she is, but that does not matter in our professional partnership. It's about that other male agents, who are very much aware of her appearance and therefore assess or interpret my behavior wrongly.“ Mulder tried to take the wind out of Sparks sails with his factual description. “I cannot attest to the other agents’ motivations as it relates to Agent Scully. I only know that mine are respectful and based out of mutual appreciation and trust for one another, regardless of whether or not I feel she is beautiful.”

"Well Agent Mulder, what do you know about the relationship between Agent Scully and my client?“ Because Sparks wasn't getting the reaction he had hope for, he tried changing the topic and his tactics.„There isn't much to say. What I know is that she met him at a seminar, and that he had an interest in her.“ Mulder answered casually, even though the thought of Scully meeting another men tore at his heart. The image of Scully being happy and in love with some faceless man flashed through his mind. A feeling of deep loneliness crept around his heart. Mentally shaking himself to clear his thoughts, Mulder concentrated on Sparks words again."It seems, that the two of you are good colleagues. Therefore, my question to you Agent Mulder is, what do you know about Agent Scully's personal life?“ Sparks kept walking up and down throwing glances at Scully from time to time."That depends on what you want to know Mr. Sparks.“ Mulder kept his factual facade, even if Sparks was getting on his nerves.

"To what extent, do you know about Agent Scully's sex life?“ Sparks asked him with an evil smirk on his face. Sparks was sure, he would get something out of Mulder, if he kept hitting his Achilles heel which obviously was his devotion to his partner.Mulder swallowed hard for a moment. His eyes sparkled with rage, in his otherwise calm and collected acting face. Mulders hands gripped his knees hard."If you want to allude again that Agent Scully wanted the whole incident, then you can stop it. What Donnell has done was against her will. I myself have seen how he has beaten her to unconsciousness, how he tormented her …“ Sparks interrupted Mulder abruptly "Agent Mulder, that’s not what I asked you!“"What you have asked is a pathetic attempt to put Agent Scully in a false light. Agent Scully was held against her will, tortured, humiliated and raped. And your client had fun doing that, for him it was a game. He wanted to have what he could never have in real life. If you use evidence to show that all this isn't based on the sick mind of your client, then at least show all of the evidence. Because the profile and the results thereof which you didn't mention so far, picture a clear image of your client. If you do not have the case file on hand I’m happily explaining the results of the investigation to everybody again. "Mulder's body relaxed, he took a deep breath and relaxed his hands on his knees again. 

The satisfaction of shutting Sparks up let a smirk play over his face. Sparks had to realize that he wasn't able unsettle Mulder.Before Mulder left the witness stand, he had to get something of his chest. He turned to look at Sparks again “I can only hope that your client gets his punishment. For no man in the world, has the right to do what your client has done. You all are lucky to have not experienced this nightmare." Mulder's razor sharp gaze went through the faces of the jurors "And I hope you will never have to suffer the fate to go through this hell. Make sure that neither of your girlfriends, daughters and wives, ever again will be exposed to that fate by this man."Scully was sitting completely still, listening to Mulders words. She knew exactly how she had to judge his voice. She knew every single pitch and knew it had been hard for him not to lose control. Even though this all was hell for her, Mulders kind words comforted her immensely. 

After another 4 hours, in which Sparks was still trying to cast doubt in the minds of the jury, they withdrew to deliberate. Faster than expected by all parties, the spokesman of the jury came back into the court room."Since many jurors have doubts about the guilt of Mr. Donnell, we have come to a decision ..." Mulder and Scully's eyes widened in horror, they hoped what they were hearing was wrong. Scullys only thought was „They can’t set him free…Please God don't let him get away with it!“Donnell could not be set free, not if this horror for Scully should ever come to an end. Scully felt like her heartbeat thundered audible to everyone through the whole room. Everyone present hung on the lips of the juror."We ask to be allowed to see the video in order to get a complete picture of the case." 

Before the judge could respond, Scully jumped reflexively up from her seat and shouted "No ... !!!“ The state prosecutor had promised her to try to convict Donnell, without showing the video because there was a lot of evidence. The video was allowed as evidence but not used by any party so far. The jury only got a written description of the content."Agent Scully, unfortunately I see no other way to come to a clear conclusion" Judge Hanks was already ordering someone to prepare the video monitor. Scully slumped back in her chair and buried her face in her palms. Mulder put a sheltering arm around her shoulders. His hands rubbed her shoulders reminding her that she wasn't alone in this. Mulders face was set in stone as he watched the court personnel setting up the monitor. 

While Scully tried to rally herself, the video recording started. Scully heard Mulders related voice its concern and gentleness, as he spoke to her in her captivity. Scully's shoulders hung limply down.Her hands lay restlessly on her thighs and her glance appeared to be caught up in a distant memory. Mulder saw that Scullys face was white as a sheet. He didn't know what else he could do at the moment to help her, so he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and sat closer to her. Skinner, who was sitting on the other side of Scully, sent anxious glances to his agent. Mulder slightly shook his head, knowing the fact that it was better, not to speak to Scully at the moment.Mulder's other hand crept quietly over to Scully's hand and buried them under his. He gently squeezed Scully's hand and Scully welcomed the comforting gesture that helped her to feel, that on this seemingly never ending, cobbled by quicksand path, she had a holding hand that repeatedly pulled her up again when the ground threatened to engulf her.


	22. Chapter 22

With every minute that the video lasted, any remaining doubts vanished from the paler-getting faces of the jurors. A shocked silence hung in the court room, in which no one dared to breathe too loudly. The spokesman of the jury waved his hand and signaled to the judge that this was enough.  
After less than 10 minutes, the judgment for Donnell was made.

Lifelong imprisonment.

The whole room exhaled audible, Mulder and Skinner exchanged relieved glances. They both looked over at Scully, whom the verdict had not elicited no discernible reaction. Mulder grew concerned by her lack of response to the verdict. He still held her close to him, his hand laying comfortingly on her shoulder.

The three waited until the room had emptied, before they went to go out too. Skinner said his goodbyes to Scully and Mulder. Scully still hadn't said much. She just thanked Skinner and said her good-byes as well. As Skinner turned to go his concern matched the worry on Mulders face. But Skinner knew there was nothing he could do for his Agent. Just when Skinner was going to go, Mulder told Scully to stay put for a second and hurried after him. After a brief conversation, he went back to Scully, who had certainly no idea, about what the two had talked. And at the moment she didn't care too much about it either. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to leave all of this behind her. She wanted to never hear of Donnell’s name again.  
Back at Scullys side, he looked at her worriedly. She had, besides the goodbye to Skinner, not made a sound.  
"Scully?" Mulder hesitantly spoke to her. Not sure how much comfort she would tolerate, how much of his touches she would allow.   
„Hm?" her mind clearly was somewhere else.  
"Let's go.“ Mulder took her arm and led her with his other hand on the small of her back through the building.

No sooner had Mulder driven out of the parking garage, he noticed that Scully was asleep. Her head rested against the window. That sleep overcame her so quickly showed how much energy and strength this court hours had costed her. He loved her face, because when she slept, she looked so contented, wiped out were all her worries and anxieties overshadowing her face during the day. He reached over and softly brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

Instead of remaining in Washington, Mulder decided to bring her to one of his favorite places. He hoped it would please her. She needed a break, they both needed a change of scenery. He stopped shortly in front of her apartment, after making sure she was still asleep he ran inside and grabbed Scully’s always packed travel bag and disappeared back into the car. He noted with a smile that Scully had not moved an inch. He had his own bag in the trunk as usual. Skinner had previously, at the courthouse, fully understood and welcomed the fact that the two took a break. Without hesitation, he gave Mulder the okay for a free week.  
Mulder smiled as he watched Scully sleep. Covering her with his coat, he gently pulled out of the parking space, trying not to wake her up with his style of driving.

 

7 hours later  
Mohegan Trail, Block Island, RI

Mulder drove along, the seemingly infinite seaside bluffs. The dawn would begin in only one hour. When he turned the tires, the car jolted on the rocky unpaved ground of the driveway. The private road was only a few hundred meters long.   
The car stopped in front of a Canadian-style built, brown and generous seeming wooden house. The house was surrounded by wildflowers and a big weeping willow sitting in front of the house. Mulder got out of the car and stretched his stiff limbs. The air was cooler than in DC, but free of the dust and dirt of the city. It was as if one could taste the ocean with every breath and so he let his gaze wander awhile upon the wonderful views over the cliffs of the infinite ocean.

He could hardly remember when he had last been here, but he remembered sitting under the weeping willows shadow and reading his favorite books. His eyes saw an envelope hanging on the front door of the house. Leisurely, his limbs still stretching, he walked up to the door. The stairs creaking under his weight. He opened the envelope and read the note inside.

Hello Fox,  
I have uncovered all the furniture and cleaned the house. Fresh towels are in the bathroom cabinets. In the fridge there is enough food for a week. Fruits and vegetables are in the pantry of the kitchen.  
Firewood is behind the house in the adjoining shed. The key to the wine cellar is located at the entrance on the side table of the dresser. If you need anything at all, let me know.  
Regards Lucia  
P.S I took the liberty to cook you a dinner, it is in the oven so you just have to heat it up.

Mulder smiled and folded the note back together. Lucia had always taken care of the house, if his family was not on the island. When he was young, Lucia and his mother had spent several evenings together. She was more than just a housekeeper to their family and Mulder had always been fond of her. She always made him extra cookies and he remembered her colorful dresses. He remembered how Lucia once tried to teach him a spanish song but he ended up just listening because she had a lovely singing voice. She always called him mi guapo zorro and Mulder knew she always had a soft spot for him too.

He looked back to the car and decided to wake Scully up. He had to admit that he was surprised that she had not even woken up once throughout the journey. Quietly, he opened the passenger door and lovingly stroked the hair from her face.

Mulder gently stroked her cheek trying to coax her awake gently „Time to wake up Sleeping Beauty" Mulders smooth and familiar voice came through to Scully like a soft melody. She stirred slowly and muttered something under her breath, „just a moment ... only 5 more minutes…“ Mulder could hardly suppress his laughter. "Come on Scully, you sleepyhead, wake up, we are here.“ The amusement in his tone managed to finally pull Scully from her sleep. Mulders eyes still sparkled with laughter.   
"I'm sorry ... I must have dozed off“ Scully rubbed her eyes trying to sweep the sleep away. 

"Yes, but it seems this seven hour nap was what you urgently needed.“ Mulder said smiling and with a twinkle in his eyes.  
Confused, she looked at him "7 hours ?!" as the salty cool air was blowing in her face, she knew that she wasn't in D.C anymore. "Mulder ... Where ... Where are we?"  
"Block Island" he answered her, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

"And what do we do here, if I may ask," Scully's skepticism did not go unnoticed by Mulder.  
„Vacationing" he said happily.  
Doubtfully, her eyebrow rose up a notch"Vacationing?!"  
„Yeah, Scully a vacation. I thought we could spend a few nice days away from DC and since I haven't been here in a long time too, I thought that's the perfect opportunity. In addition to that, the house belongs to my family, so the argument about spending too much money is pointless too. Come on, let's go inside.“ Mulder was excited about having Scully here. He wanted their time to be one they could remembered fondly in a few years. He happily grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the car. Scully let herself being pulled out of the car, inhaling the fresh ocean air. Mulders excitement wasn't lost on her. His voice always reveled what he was feeling anyway.

Puzzled, Scully let Mulder accompany her into the house. It smelled wonderfully of wood, cinnamon and orange blossom. She wondered why Mulder had never mentioned this property.  
Satisfied, the two sat on the sofa, which stood in the middle of the living room, where a wonderful view of the sea was released through the glass front windows. Mulder took a deep breath and enjoyed the quiet moment of peace with Scully sitting by his side. It wasn't lost on Scully that while they were sitting Mulder still held onto her hand. She could sit here forever knowing he was holding her hand. She hadn't felt that content for a long time as she did right at this moment.

Scully broke the silence in the room "Mulder .... Thank you"  
With a joyful smile, he replied relaxed "You're welcome Scully, I've been meaning to come back here for a while now and I thought now would be a good time to do so.“

With a familiar gesture Scully put her hand on his cheek and stroked it. "Thanks for everything Mulder, bringing me here, the last few weeks and the days at court. I know I was pretty obnoxious and I know it wasn't and isn't easy with me.“ The heat that flowed from his cheek through her hand led her pulse speed up, but before she could conjure up something that could harm their relationship her delicate fingers left his cheek. She swallowed thickly. Shyly casting her face down, so Mulder wouldn't see the blush covering her cheeks.

"Oh Scully, I knew from the beginning that you were quite the challenge. And I do not know about you, but I'm dying of hunger.“ Mulder pushed himself up from the couch because he wasn't sure how to handle the closeness of the moment. He wasn't sure how much space Scully needed or how much she would appreciate his romantic advances. He knew Scully hated being treated like a fragile doll, but Mulder couldn't help himself. He knew she was far from being his old Scully. So before his emotions could get out of hand, he needed to put some distance between them. As he stood next to the couch, he took a look at Scully and he made a promise to himself that he would be the friend she needed and that he would make sure that she would eat enough, get enough sleep and tried to heal her soul. He made that silent promise to himself and Scully, that he would be everything she needed him to be. So his first task was looking that they both had a decent meal. Putting his lingering romantic feelings as side. He was sure there was a time for that in he future but right now it was the most important thing to help Scully getting over the events of the last months.

"Mulder, is there a porch?"  
"Yes there is and it is right on the cliffs overlooking the ocean, why do you ask?“ Mulder saw the nervous fidgeting of her hands. Her voice somehow seemed tense. His eyes furrowed together drawing lines of concern on his forehead.   
"I ... can you take me there, I would like sit outside to enjoy the air, if that’s not a problem?!" there again he could see the shy Scully. The one he didn't get to see often. For Mulder, there was no reason for this timidity, he loved to fulfill those small, but apparent to Scully, important wishes. Without hesitation Mulder was at her side, grabbed her hands, pulled her up and placed her hand in the crook of his elbow to guide her to the porch. His big hand rested on top of her smaller one, a soft smile flashed across Scullys face. She secretly loved being cared for by Mulder even though she would never admit that to him. It felt natural and not one bit like she was a burden to him. 

After he had led Scully out onto the porch, she made herself comfortable in an armchair. The wind, enchanted Scully's hair into wafting waves. Mulder left her sitting in the armchair.  
Back in the living room, Mulder grabbed a blanket and went back to Scully.  
"Here," he enveloped her in the huge blanket, so that the cooler getting breeze could not cool her down too much. Scully smiled a contented smile as Mulder left her behind in her woolen blanket cocoon to look after their dinner. Before he entered the house again, Mulder looked at Scully, securely wrapped up in her blanket. He hadn’t even been here with her for more than a couple of hours but he already wished they could stay here forever. 

30 minutes later

Mulder had set the table and took care of the food, it smelled deliciously of spices. He went off to get Scully. She sat at the exact same place, in the exact same position, wrapped in the blanket. Her gaze, directed at the vastness of the sea even if she couldn't see it.  
"Hey Scully, dinner is ready“ Mulder kept his voice soft as to not scare her out of her thoughts. 

Scully turned her head to him only half way "Okay, I think I can remember the way back inside, I'll be inside in a second.“ 

Mulder stepped closer to her and looked at her eyes. Her eyes looked at him with uncertainty, with urgency and also with a fear, as if she was going to fall down of another cliff.

How he would like to erase everything she had experienced from her thoughts. How he would like to take the fear away from her and tell her that sometimes there are dark and gray winters in your life, but that they are just there so you can experience the shinning colors of the spring again. All the years that he had known her, she stood seemingly indestructible over everything. But now he saw her hesitantly wavering on the edge of a cliff.

If she only knew that it was okay to fall, because he was standing at the bottom of the cliff, ready to catch her and to show her that the prospect of life, from below, was not so bad.

Quietly, he sat down on the chair next to her. "Mulder, you don't need to wait out here, I’ll really come right in." The wind had taken on some strength and seemed to perform a wild shadow fight with the strands of her hair.

"I know, but I want to.“ was his short, smiling answer. Out of the corner of his eye he discreetly watched her.  
No matter where the wind would take her, he would let himself be carried away in the same direction. Because only when the spring would advent in her life again, his world could also shine in warm colors again. That’s why he would follow her everywhere. She was the spark that ignited the bonfire in his heart and soul. No matter if this meant going to the end of the world or the darkest places of her soul, he would always follow her.


	23. Chapter 23

Scully rose from her chair and stood in front of the porch railing, holding the blanket tight around herself like a shield. She knew it was over, Donnell was in prison for the rest of his life, but she couldn't feel anything. She had expected to feel free again. She had thought that all the oppressive heaviness that laid like a dark stormy cloud on her chest would vanish to make room for the sun in her life. But she bitterly realized that this hadn't happened.

Even, if she had not noticed, that Mulder had also risen from his chair, she could feel the warmth of his body on her back. Lost in her thoughts, she leaned back into him. His thumb touched her face tenderly, wiping away the tears she had not known were there. Mulder loosely put his hands on her upper arms, putting his head on her shoulder besides her cheek. 

Scully's lips moved slowly, the words were no more than a whisper, "Hold me? just for a moment…please.“  
Her voice sounded, as if she was far away in a remote location. Lovingly, he embraced her petite body, putting his arms around her, trying to give her the support and security which she seemed so tirelessly to be looking for.

Mulder gently put his cheek next to hers, together they gazed over the ocean. He whispered into her ear "Try not to think about it Scully, I'll try it too. And when you're ready to let go, I'll be there and I will try the same. And don't have to be afraid of the time that it might take, to process everything, I’ll hang on for the both of us."

As he stood there together with her, he remembered when she first put foot into his office, fresh out of the academy and totally green. Even at their first meeting, he could feel her strength.  
At that time, she was so carefree and walking through life light as a feather. Over the years, a lot had changed, though they had grown together and learned to trust each other. And at that moment, he realized painfully, how much he missed her strength, how much he craved the carefree Scully, who rebuked him for his childish allusions.

He saw, how every day the cold storm inside her heart, buried her soul under a layer of icy snow. She didn’t need to explain to him what was going on inside of her, because he could feel it. She had to go through these changes, and he had promised himself to get through with her.

"It is getting too cold Scully, let's go back in and eat. We want to enjoy the week and I also have planned some stuff, so there is no place for a cold.“ He gently moved Scully before him and back into the house, never taking his hands off of her. 

Block Island  
3 days later

The last days had been relaxed. The two walked for hours along the banks, along the island and enjoyed the seclusion.  
Scully had taken a liking to the sauna and made visiting it a daily ritual. Mulder had refrained from keeping her company. Not that he wouldn't have desired to join her, but that was too much naked Scully for him to handle even with a clear mind.

With each passing day, he could feel that the snow layer on her soul began to thaw and he didn't want to risk the positive changes by scaring her off with his hormonally pent-up energy.

Scully’s bedroom

Scully was deep in thought, while she was lying in her bed. Downstairs, she could hear Mulder in the kitchen. She had to admit that piece by piece she was getting a little bit better with every passing day on the island and through all that Mulder was her real constant.  
However, she noticed that his touches were becoming less and less. He paid more attention to keeping a friendly distance between them and that was all right with her.  
Was it really all right? And if it was okay why was she missing his little touches? Why did it bother her than that he seemed to keep this distance?

Just than it once more became crystal clear to her, that Mulder meant more to her than the FBI Codex may allow. He cared and worried about her every day,she knew that. But she especially appreciated the little things he did, which most of the time he wasn't even aware of doing. Since the embrace they had shared on the porch her feelings swirled inside her like millions of little butterflies.

It seemed so natural to be embraced in Mulders arms. The feeling that embrace gave her, was exciting and calming at the same time. It felt like something special but at the same time it seemed as natural as the need to breathe.

She craved his hands and his touch, but she knew it was foolish to long for these things. She knew only too well, that this rapture, this elation Mulder cause within her when she was with him, was something that she couldn't permit, because there were rules to follow, a friendship to loose and she didn't know if she was ready to cross those boundaries.  
And she knew even less if Mulder was ready for the same things she craved, if he was yearning for a shared future like she did.

Mulder was in the kitchen, trying to distract himself from another restless night. Most of the time he'd spent to suppress the urge to sneak into her room and simply observe her sleeping form.  
He wanted to be close to her, but as always he was his own worst enemy. He didn't know how he could get closer to Scully without scaring her away. Scully hadn't even recovered from her ordeal with Donnell and in this state she surely wouldn't appreciate his late adolescent, hormone-steered flirtations and admiration. How was he to explain to her that he loved her?

He indeed didn't even know when IT exactly happened. And there were more important issues at hand than his feelings. He had to concentrate on the essentials and that was Scully's wellbeing.  
Mulder shook his head in order to free himself from his constantly orbiting thoughts about Scully.

"Good morning," Mulder shivered slightly, the voice of this woman could raise statues to life and she didn’t even seem to be aware of the effect her rough, sleepy voice had on him. Scully slowly walked into the kitchen, her hands gliding over the surfaces, helping her finding the way to the table. 

"Morning Scully" Mulder faltered somewhat embarrassed.  
They sat down together at the dinner table and ate in silence. Both lost in their own thoughts. When Scully was finished, she took her plate and brought it to the sink. Suddenly, she remained still in her movements, the plate smashed on the floor. Her whole posture went rigid.  
Startled by the smashing sound of the plate, Mulder looked over to her. His eyes wide with worry. Scully held both hands to her eyes. Within a heartbeat Mulder stood beside her. What happened? What was wrong with her?  
Not knowing if touching her would harm or startle her, his hands clenched into fists and remained at his sides. 

"Scully? Are you in pain? "Scully only shook her head in the negative. Mulder stood helplessly next to her.   
A firework of white lightning shots ran through her eyes.  
The glittering lights, had frightened her so much, that the plate had fallen out of her hands. As suddenly as the lightning occurred in her eyes it went away.  
As Scully squirmed to open her eyes very slowly, she couldn’t believe her eyes.

Still unsure about what had just happened, Mulder spoke softly to Scully.   
"Scully I’m worried…what’s going on? Should I call a doctor? Come on Scully you got to help me out here a little…"  
"Mulder ...." She stopped short, and Mulder was getting ready for the worst. Perhaps the shadows were gone again, maybe it only had been a temporary improvement, a glimmer of hope where in reality there was none at all.

"Mulder ... Why ...?" the dull resignation in her voice seemed to confirm his worst suspicions.

"I ... Scully ... We can not give up, it will be all right again. We have to hope for the best, we have to believe in it…“ he hoped his words were able to keep the hope alive, but he couldn't erase a certain sadness that tainted his belief. Her glassy, ocean blue eyes, left his heart beating faster and higher hit, while ate the same time breaking it. He tried desperately to find the right words to comfort Scully. To give her the needed courage and to make her once and fro all believe and trust him that he would be at her side forever.

Scully stood motionless in front of him. Mulder did not know what to do, he just could not find the right words which could take her pain about the renewed darkness away.

"Scully ..." desperate about his own inability to find the right words, he put his hands on her shoulders.  
"Mulder ... WHY?" This was the only question, he wasn't able to answer. He would do anything to change this, but he was powerless.

He would have wished for nothing more than to let his own tears run free in this moment. He just felt like curling up with Scully in a thick blanket and to never leave the house again. He hated the world out there, because precisely this world was the reason they were in this situation.

"Scully maybe it will change again,“ his attempts at reassuring her sounded weak, even to his own ears.


	24. Chapter 24

"Mulder ... it will never change ... why else, if you really believed in my eyesight coming back, would you wear that by moths perforated old Knicks shirt?" Mulder stared at Scullys wide grin. One could literally see the wheels turning in Mulders head. His prayers had been answered after all. After her words had sunken in, tears of joy formed in his eyes. Slowly, he seemed to get over his initial shock.

"Scully ... never… NEVER do that again!“ And with those words he hugged her tight to his chest. He couldn’t be angry at her for pulling his leg. His joy outweighed his annoyance of her joking in a situation like that.  
„I just wanted to see that panic face of yours.“ She smiled up at him before her voice struck a reproving tone "Mulder, this shirt belongs into the trash! You can’t wear that anymore. Just be glad that my eyesight didn't spontaneously decide to vanish again.“

„But it’s my lucky shirt and see it brought us luck! So you don’t want me to throw that away do you?“ Mulder asked with his puppy look directed at her. 

„Mulder.“ she sighed. „You can keep it in some box or something but you can’t wear it. It’s riddled with holes and it’s old. I’ll make you a deal… You promise to never wear that again and I’ll buy you a new one?“

Mulder thought about it for a moment and than decided that he had to get back at her for her earlier joke. He said nothing and only waggled his eyebrows mischievously. Scully didn’t know what he was up to and looked patiently up at him. Suddenly, Mulder gently stepped out of their embrace and pulled his Knicks shirt over his head. The shirt fell to the floor and Mulder pulled Scully back into his arms.

"Better my lady?“ he teased her with a mischievous grin.  
Scully was trying to do her best to hold her emotions in check. Embraced by Mulder, feeling his bare chest and having his masculine mulderesque smell in her nose didn’t help her at all. Her throat was parched, not that she hadn’t seen his bare chest before but it was easier to remain professional when his well trained body was covered in a suit.  
His stomach muscles twitched so that his abs danced slightly, his broad shoulders radiated warmth and strength which she completely soaked up. At that moment Scully had to admit to herself, that Mulder was one sexy looking man, who smelled amazingly and looked damn tasty bare chested and in well worn jeans. Just thinking about that caused a slight flush to rise to her cheeks.

Finally, she found her tongue again, "Mulder anything is better than this shirt". Her right eyebrow arched "But to be honest, I can’t remember allowing my butler to run around like that, so James, pull on something adequate, as long as you are in the vicinity of a Lady.“ Scullys feigned arrogance, elicited a roar of laughter from him.  
Scully was glad she got a moment to herself. Her emotions were a rollercoaster. She couldn’t believe she had her eyesight back, even if it was still a little blurry and unfocused. At least something seemed to be going in the right direction for her now. As she was standing there, taking in everything around her, she expected to wake up from a wishful dream at any second, but she was awake and everything was actually happening. Someone must have answered her prayers after all… 

But all the emotions from the last weeks also made her even slightly numb in this moment. It was just too much - too many emotions to take in. She knew that maybe later, when all had really sunken in, she would need to address her feelings, but she didn't want to do that in front of Mulder.

As Mulder went to his room to get a new shirt, Scully looked at his retreating back and she definitely appreciated how his jeans hugged his ass. What was wrong with her… At the same time, the devil, who was apparently sitting on her shoulder, voiced its thoughts`* He really is a splendid male specimen with an amazing physique*  
It really was a waste, to hide this man in a suit everyday. She had to bring her emotions back under control, Mulder was her partner, her exceedingly handsome partner, the devilish voice corrected her. But what she had missed most were his eyes. They were truly the gates to his soul. Everything she needed to know, every feeling he had, was always reflected in them.

Mulder came back wearing one of his usual gray shirts. In the meantime Scully had sat down at the table, the leftovers from the breakfast still in front of her.  
"Scully, how can that be? I mean, do you see everything?I mean ... you know, like…“ That was typical for Mulder, at one minute he fired allusions in her direction without batting an eye and in the next minute, he was unsure and almost shy.  
Mulder was the most multifaceted man Scully had ever met. And that were precisely the facets that might make him seem weird to others who didn’t know him.

"I don’t know Mulder, I can’t explain it. I don’t know what could have been the trigger.“ After a brief sip from her teacup in front of her, she continued, „It all is still a little fuzzy, and everything is a little garish, but I think this is because my eyes need to get used to everything again. "  
As a response to her words she got one of these few, but wonderful Mulder smiles. Far too often for her liking, she saw expressions of worry, guilt and nightmares written on his face.

She would have liked nothing more than to fling herself into his arms, after missing to be able to see his face for such a long time. But over time, she had developed something akin to a reflex to protect herself from being too emotional And therefore, stuck to bantering and humor to avoid physical intimacy.

Why did she had to tease him? Why couldn’t she give into the urge to fall into his arms? In her innermost, she knew the answer to all these haunting questions.

Mulder's constant presence and his selfless help, the loving way he supported her and his seemingly limitless loyalty had transformed her feelings and put her emotions into a rollercoaster. In order to not drown into those confused feelings, the usual Scully-control was necessary.  
She put that need for control over her desire of intimacy and closeness. She just hoped that Mulder didn’t think of her as ungrateful. Lost in thought, she sipped at her tea agin.

"Scully get dressed!“ Mulder said out of the blue and she gave him a puzzled look.  
"Trust me Scully, get dressed!“  
Had there ever been a time when she hadn't trusted him, Scully wondered before she went to her room and changed clothes quickly. She decided on a pair of jeans and her moss green cashmere sweater. From the ground floor, she could hear some clanking and rumbling sounds, which she couldn’t exactly identify.

She just hoped that she could get something to eat before Mulder came up with some crazy ideas again, dragging her on some wild chase. At this thought, she had to smile, because even if he would do that, she would not be angry. That was another bit of normality, from which she had been separated for far too long. If she was honest she missed his crazy ideas and their adventures.

For a moment, she stood in front of the wide window of her room and tried to take everything in, absorbing all the colors. The cliffs, the different shades of blue of the sea, the lush green of the meadows, the golden sand. It seemed, as if she was granted a look into a new world. She realized how little she had appreciated all of this until now. A relieved sigh about her new opportunity and her second chance escaped her lips. She had not believed that the moment would come where she could see again. But once again, she was proved that one should never give up on a miracle.

They saying was true; you only knew what you had when you lost it. She wiped away a tear of joy from her cheek, which she'd allowed to fall in this silent moment. Only now, as she stood alone in her room, the scope of what had happened consciously sunk in. She had gotten back a large part of her old life.

Scully closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened her eyelids slowly. She just had to be sure that all of this was not a dream. Mulder's voice calling for her, ripped her from her thoughts "Scully everything okay up there?"

„Yes, everything is okay Mulder, I'm almost done," Old habits die hard, and Mulder's concern and caring, would never stop.  
When she finally went down the stairs, Mulder was already waiting in boots and a leather jacket at the front door. Mulder saw Scully's skeptical expression and had to smile.  
"Scully, I told you to trust me.“ A wry grin accompanied his words.

"No aliens, conspiracies, mutants, cornfield circles, ghosts or psychopaths.“ She said and  
Mulder looked like a child from whom you had stolen a lollipop. "Scully you take away all the fun!“ He replied sulkily.  
„I just can’t handle Aliens, conspiracy and everything else on an empty stomach.“

"Okay then, we just look out for immortal photographers, prehistoric forest creatures, vampires, people devouring giant mushrooms, satanic occults, Big Foot ..." he rambled, and Scully knew Mulder could have gone on forever if she wouldn't stop him.  
„MULDERRRRR!" She sighed and went through the door Mulder held open for her.

"And what about Nessi, zombies, possessed physicians ..."  
„MULLLLDDDERRRR" Scully whined annoyed.  
"Alright Scully, I only wanted to make sure." Mulder's mischievous smile, warmed her heart every time. It was a sign that he was relaxed and felt comfortable.

30 minutes later

After a short drive, Mulder stopped in front of an old lighthouse. As Mulder had already jumped out of the car, Scully did the same. Her gaze lingered over the perfect picture postcard scenery that before her. Meanwhile, Mulder fished a backpack out of the trunk and went to her side.

"Come on, Scully…“ He grabbed Scully's hand and pulled her out of her thoughts. While holding on to Scully's hand, he walked past the lighthouse to a small wooden staircase which led down between the rocks to a small stretch of beach, which was nestled in between the cliffs.  
After winding down the stairs, Mulder stopped at the bottom of the stairs for a second and took off his shoes.

Scully saw how he left his shoes behind and trudged through the sand barefoot. Scully wasn’t sure what Mulder had in mind and stood there not sure if she should follow his lead.  
Mulder noticed that Scully had not followed him, he turned around and looked at her in surprise, "What's wrong Scully? Would you rather we go searching for mutants? Because you know you just have to say the word and I can find us an X-file out here… "  
Mulder knew his challenging tone would get her to.  
Because Dana Scully never backed down from a challenge. So Scully kicked aside her shoes and followed Mulder through the sand. He waited until she had caught up with him and took her hand again.

A few meters from the water, Mulder stopped and opened his backpack. He took out a large, checkered picnic blanket and spread it out. Gradually, he put everything you needed for a breakfast on the blanket.  
Scully stared disbelievingly down at Mulders crouching form. Her astonishment had not escaped him. He heaved himself up from the blanket and stood in front of Scully again.

"Hungry?" He asked, doubting whether he had gone too far with this trip. Scully looked from him to the picnic, further down to the beach and back again into his uncertain and loving green eyes. “Mulder, you didn’t have to do this…“ Scully was visibly moved by his gesture.

"I know, but I thought it is a special day and that's the least I could do." Mulder looked into her eyes and saw the firework of emotions playing in them. Her smile, that underlined the sparkle in her eyes was able to ban all the shadows from his heart. 

"Scully, you have no idea how happy I am for you. And I hope you are not too uncomfortable or angry about this, because if you are just say the word and we can go grab breakfast at some diner.“ Such a thing could only come from Mulder. Sometimes, it was a mystery to her how insecure he could be while pulling off something so incredibly nice.

Grinning incredulously, Scully shook her head and went on to stand in front of Mulder "No I'm not angry or uncomfortable, it's really beautiful here," Scully hugged Mulder gently and whispered a quiet "thank you" into his chest.  
Mulder's heart beat faster, while Scully hugged him. His arms automatically wrapped around her and he held her close to him. He could smell the scent of her hair and at that moment, the gray that had surrounded him for the longest time changed into a lively sea of colors.

Only reluctantly they broke both away from their embrace. Mulder pointed to the blanket and pulled Scully towards it, so they could enjoy their breakfast. Completely sated, Mulder plopped down onto the blanket.  
One hand supportively put under his head while the other hand rested on his belly and with his eyes closed, he sighed satisfied "That was good, very delicious…but I think I couldn't eat one more bite…“

"You ate for 5" Scully chuckled at the sight of Mulder. He cracked his eyes open "Scully, the way you say that I almost get a guilty conscience. From tomorrow on I will watch my figure.“ He announced theatrically.

"Mulder you're crazy! I just do not know anyone who can eat as much as you can at one time. But if it makes you feel any better your metabolism is doing a great job so your eating habits don’t have any consequences for you…“ she replied, while her eyes examined his long and lean stature. Before Mulder caught her at it, she averted her eyes and looked down to the sea.  
Mulder closed his eyes and let fresh air blow over his face. It was one of those places where you could spend an eternity without getting bored of it. This place held no problems. Everything you could find here was a pleasant solitude, peace and quiet.

Unbeknownst to Mulder, Scully rose and ran to sneak down to the beach where the waves of the sea struggled against the sand. Her toes were caressed by the cold water.

Scully glanced over her shoulder back to Mulder, he looked relaxed lying on the blanket. Seeing him like this made her soul warm up and a smile appeared at the corners of her lips. She had noticed how worn out he had looked. The last few weeks had left its mark on him as well, and it seemed that he needed the calm just as urgently as she did.

Her eyes went back to the endless sea landscape that unfolded before her. The cold wet on her feet, made her feel alive. Back when she was a child, she loved to feel the foamy waves and the related tickling that came with it on her skin.  
Scully looked down at herself and once more she realized how far she still was away from being herself, to be able to feel these things again like she had before. Since she was here though, she could now at least rest easier and feel the tranquility in her dreams from time to time. It was a step forward, but everything seemed, like she was moving down an endless path in slow motion.

She was again lost deep in her thoughts. Her eyes fixed on the blue before her, it was like a canvas on which she was watching her martyrdom play out. Her experience did not know the city limits of DC and so it didn't stop following her where ever she went. An escape was impossible, because there was no place, no island that could protect her from her own demons.

Scully crossed her arms over her chest. The wind blew unimpressed over her. As a feeling of melancholy washed over her, she slowly closed her eyes. Silently dreaming of another world, she wished herself away from this hell, which followed her everywhere and left her being an emotionless shell.  
To escape it all, to escape from herself was a dream, a wish, that would remain unfulfilled and therefore died quietly in the fleeting thoughts of her mind.

The waves were fighting continuously against the sandy shores of the beach and were lapping hard against her feet, but it did not bother her.  
Mulder opened his eyes briefly ,blinded by the brightness of the sky. When he turned to his side, and his eyes couldn't find Scully besides him, a flash of panic shot through his veins. Where was she? How long had he slept?

Frantically supporting himself on his elbows, Mulder inspected his surroundings. Seeing a petite figure down by the water, he sighed with relief.

He stood up and strolled over to Scully, who stood motionless watching over the sea. She reminded him of the paintings he had seen done by Vladimir Volegov. Standing there being unaware of how beautiful he was. When Mulder was only a few steps behind her, he decided to make himself known as to not frighten her.  
She seemed to be completely absorbed in her thoughts again, as he had seen many times over the past few weeks. Most of the time that wasn't a good sign.

"Scully," he asked gently.  
Surprised, her head turned around and her eyelids sprang open. She saw the many questions in his face .  
“I didn't want to wake you up, it looked like you could use a little sleep. And then I thought, I could stroll down here and have a look how the water was. Sorry if I worried you.“ Scully smiled apologetically, meeting his eyes before she turned her head back to the sea.

Mulder took a step forward to stand beside her. Both looked wordlessly at what lay ahead of them. From the corner of his eye, Mulder saw how Scully folded her arms more tightly around herself.  
„Cold?" he asked barely above a whisper.

Scully's only response was an unsure shrug of her shoulders. She was too lost in the swirl of her thoughts to pay attention to the simple things like feeling cold.  
Without further ask, Mulder took off his jacket and put it lovingly over her shoulders.

"Sometimes I'd like to know what's happening in this pretty, sometimes stubborn, head of yours." That won Scullys attention and she looked over her shoulder to Mulder, who was now standing behind her, with his hands resting lightly on her shoulders.

The look she gave him, was one of contrasts, hope and despair, confusion and willpower, humiliation and strength. Soundlessly, Scully directed her gaze back to the ocean.

Her voice began to speak and it did so quietly and almost reverently.  
"Mulder I just drift along… The things that I'm doing what do I do them for? I ... I'm looking for some support, something to hold on to but ... somehow I find nothing.“ She stumbled over her words before she continued.  
„I just want to be free, be free and ... run and leave everything what happened behind. But no matter how fast I run ... I'm trapped ... it's as if there is no going back and no forward. I ….I don't even know why I’m saying it out loud. I sound like a human wreck. A great partner you've got Mulder ... „ a sarcastic smile crossed her face, as she looked at Mulder. Her eyes, however, reflected her unspoken fears, which she otherwise hid very well. 

Cautiously, he put his arms around her shoulders „Yes I have. And she’s not only great, but the best I could ever wish for. And therefore I can think of no better partner than her.“ His joyful tone became more serious without losing its gentleness.  
"Scully, I can’t tell you what you're supposed to feel. I can’t tell you how long it will be so you feel like yourself again. But what I can tell you is that my hand will always be there for you to hold onto. You only need to let yourself allow to grasp for it.“ Mulder acknowledged her slight nod.

Gently, he pulled Scullys back against his chest. He hugged her to his chest and whispered "And no matter what comes Scully, I’ll never let go of you."

Mulder's words were like balm on her branded soul. His embrace warmed the blood pumping through her veins. Scully enjoyed how Mulder's arms felt around her. She could feel his heart beat. It was a soothing rhythm.

Together they looked out at the sea.  
After a few minutes, Scully turned around in his embrace to face him. Their eyes met and they both knew they could get lost in the eyes of the other. Mulder's hand went to her cheek. His thumb drawing little circles on her soft skin. His touch was light as a feather. 

With every second that they looked into each others eyes, the heady feeling of uncovering the suppressed truth between them became stronger.  
Mulder slowly lowered his head. Scully slowly stretched up to meet his awaiting lips. Their lips approached gradually.  
Scully felt the warm, inviting breath of Mulder on her lips. Devotedly, her eyelids closed in anticipation of imprinting this moment forever in her mind and soul.

A deep male voice coming from above the cliffs, ripped them from their togetherness „Sorry to disturb you lovebirds but the car isn’t allowed to be parked here."

Both twitched apart. Mulder bit down on his lip, incredulously looking up, towards the man who interrupted them. Inevitably, Mulder had to grin because that was just his luck. Fate really seemed to enjoy making bad jokes on his behalf. Scully just blushed slightly, as if she had been caught doing something forbidden and naughty.

After Mulder had been the one to overcome his state of shock first, he gave Scully an apologetic look and loosened his arms from around her "Well then, let’s pack up and leave my little lovebird."


	25. Chapter 25

A broad, conciliatory grin accompanied his words. Once again, it was a moment in which all the powers conspired against him.  
Yes, he had to admit, he had a knack for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And if he didn’t screw up by himself, he could always rely on fate sending someone else to do it for him.

Amused, Scully shook her head without a comment seeing the face Mulder made. Both packed up their stuff and put on their shoes, then made their way up to the car.

Once they made it to the top of the hill, they saw the older man, who had called out to them, waiting for them.

"I apologize, sir. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to park here.“ Mulder walked up to the man, who was standing next to their car.

A charge for trespassing was the last thing they needed right now. "Sir, I'm sorry I didn’t know that this was a private property." Mulder thought about how to avoid getting a charge as he spoke to the man.

The man pointed his index finger at Scully „You probably wanted to impress your Lady here.“ Mulder put his arm around Scully and grinned "Only the best for my Darling" 

Scully nearly choked when she heard Mulder use the pet name. "Well ... in that case I will turn a blind eye on the trespassing but you can’t seduce your lady here. But you can find enough non-private places on this island where you won't be disturbed."

"Yes Sir and I will be more careful the next time.“ Mulder replied patiently.  
"Okay, let's leave it at that. And I would suggest that you two lovebirds get in the car now and look for a new place.“

Mulder gave Scully a kiss on the temple "Get in, Darling". Scully raised an eyebrow and wordlessly got into the car. When Mulder put on a show he went all in. He shook the older man's hand and then proceeded to also get into the car.

As the man went to his own car, Mulder dropped into the driver's seat and closed his eyes briefly letting a deep sigh escape from his lungs.

Scully looked at him questioningly "Is everything okay Mulder?"

Mulder chuckled in disbelief over her question. Nothing was okay because fate seemed to have a serious problem with the fact that he and Scully wanted to get closer to each other.

He looked at Scully and all he could manage was one of his crooked Mulder grins. He stroked her cheek gently, taking away her concerns with his gentleness.

Before he was could be pulled back into the depths of the brilliant blue eyes before him, Mulder started the engine and drove out of the lot.

As he maneuvered the car over the rough ground, he glanced at Scully, „Scully do you want to do anything else, go somewhere else? Because we could go to a cafe or take a stroll through town?“ 

Scully let her eyes wander to Mulder and thought for a moment before she answered him " Hm ... no Mulder ... let's just go home.“ He nodded smilingly and fixed his gaze on the road in front of him again.

Scully let her eyes linger a moment longer on his profile. Even though he hadn’t said anything, she saw his tired eyes, the dark shadows that still seemed to feel at home under his eyes. The distinctive lines of his features were more clearly visible now than before she had lost her eyesight.

She knew Mulder and the more he worried, the more weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and the more he lost himself to save others, the less he could take care for his own existence. It had always been her job to look out for him in these turbulent times and to remind him of his limits.

This time however, she had been the reason for his demons and apparently no one had been able to keep him in line.

Scully felt guilt creep faintly into her soul. She would make it up to him. She owed him more than her life. And she decided that no matter how far removed she still felt from her own life, that there should be at least a new beginning for Mulder.

 

Mohegan Trail, Block Island, RI  
Mulder's House 6.40pm

Dusk began to slowly but surely cast its shadows over the coast. Scully had insisted on cooking and sent Mulder to have seat in the living room on the couch, where he was flipping, in his usual way, through the TV channels.

Annoyed by the channels that were offered to him, or the lack thereof, he pushed himself up from the sofa and decided to look in on Scully. He was met by a delicious smell as he got closer to the kitchen. In order to not frighten her, Mulder knocked gently the open door.

"Scully, I can help somehow?“  
"No Mulder, I'm almost done and you should relax. I told you that now it's my turn to do something for you.“ She was busily attending to her pots and turned her back on Mulder.

"But Scully, I really am relaxed. Is there really nothing I can do?“ Restless and unable to occupy his time with anything else, he looked expectantly in Scully's direction. Scully knew that tone of voice and it was clear to her that she had no chance of him going back to the sofa to relax.

Sighing loudly she replied "Okay fine… you can set the table, but after that I don’t want to see you coming back in here until I'm done.“ 

„Copy that Boss" Mulder eagerly grabbed everything he needed and disappeared from the kitchen. The restlessness of her partner let her shook her head with a smile on her lips.

She enjoyed it, standing in the kitchen and having something to do. It was a distraction from falling back into her dreary world of thoughts, and for the first time in a long time, Scully felt useful again.  
"Done," Mulder called from the dining room. Scully grinned and rolled her eyes briefly, as she responded, "Just a minute, I'll be right there.“

30 minutes later

The table was cleared and both were in the final throes of cleaning up the kitchen.   
"Scully this was the best meal I have eaten in a long time.“ Mulder beamed.

Taken by surprise at the sudden compliment Scully blushed slightly, and breathed a shy "thank you" back at him.

Once Scully put the last plate away, she turned back to Mulder. 

"So, Mulder, what should we do this evening?“

Mulder grinned knowingly, waving a wine bottle in her direction "I would say, wine, couch, lighting a fire in the fireplace, you, me and my infamous horror stories.“ 

How could she resist this mischievous grin gracing Mulder's lips?! Smiling, Scully walked past him while Mulder bowed like a servant and said, "After you my lady.“

Scully sat on the spacious couch and watched Mulder ignite the fire in the fireplace quickly. As he was going to stand up from his crouching position, he could feel his back protesting from the tension that had built up. He paused for a moment before standing up completely. Scully's observant eye didn’t miss his brief moment of discomfort.

Her questioning glance rested on him, „Mulder?"

"I must be getting old Scully, that's all. Just a little tension.“ Without a word, Scully stood up from the couch and spread the blanket from the back of the couch out on the floor in front of the fireplace. Mulder stood frozen in place, looking inquiringly at Scully.

She stood waiting, watching Mulder, who made no move to lay down. "Come on Mulder."

Not sure about what she exactly wanted from him, he stared at her, his features painted in perplexity. 

"Mulder, you're obviously so tense that you can't even get up from a simple squat. So take off your shirt and lie down on your stomach.“

He heard that voice often enough and knew it to be her worried and stern Doctor tone. "Scully, that's really not necessary."

"Mulder, I know what I'm doing." Her intent look left him with no choice. Removing his shirt, Mulder Moved to lie down on his stomach.

When Scully sat on his thighs, he turned his head to the side "Really, Scully, it’s not that bad.“

"Mulder, I'm a doctor, and as I said, I know what I'm doing. And I haven’t killed anyone so far by massaging their back. "  
"That's because, Dr. Scully, your patients are already dead before you get to putter around with them. And so far, I still belong to the land of the living..“ Ignoring Mulder's questioning of her abilities, Scully began to massage his shoulders.

Mulder's tense body relaxed more and more as Scully gave attention to each muscle. He felt her delicate fingers apply pleasant pressure along the tense muscles. Slowly, and not forgetting about a single spot, Scully worked over Mulder's toned back.

She could literally feel the tension flooding out of Mulders body. His posture was visibly relaxing beneath her hands. Enjoying the touches a little too much Mulder had to concentrate on not falling into a pleasant slumber.

He couldn’t remember the last time when something had felt so good.  
The lack of contact of her hands on his body, let him turn his head to the side. From the corner of his eye he could see Scully, who met his eyes. „Feeling better?“

Smiling softly, he answered, "Much better." Unexpectedly, Mulder turned over in one quick move.

The move jolted Scully and she almost fell from his thighs to the floor. Noticing her balance problems Mulder grabbed her hips quickly. 

Scully's hands held onto his forearms so she wouldn't fall. Eyes, blue as the sky looked into his green ones. The dark clouds that had previously oppressed the clarity of those blue orbs were almost completely gone.

Seconds, neither wanted to count, passed slowly. Mulder's heart began to beat faster, the expanding silence between them held no power over him for once.

He wanted to read her eyes, which concealed him so much and at the same time told him everything he would never hear her say out loud in words, for only a blink of an eye longer.

Scully did not know what happened. She was not able to break away from his grip, and was trapped in his green gaze. His eyes smiled at her. Those same eyes managed to kindle a warm fire in her soul and it were those eyes that assured her repeatedly that everything made sense, and that in the end everything would be alright.

The tension that flared between them was nearly palpable.

The silence between them was finally interrupted by a small "Thank you“ leaving Mulders lips. Scully smiled shyly and turned her gaze away frantically searching for something to look at beside his sparkling eyes.

She rose and sat down on the couch, and Mulder followed to sit next to her. After he had grabbed his shirt and pulled it on again, he reached for the bottle of wine.

"Wine?" He asked softly.

"Yes, please" She answered, while shyly putting a strand of hair behind her ear. Mulder handed her the wine-filled glass and also filled his own. The tension dissipated slowly and Mulder wanted to come up with something to say, because the last thing he wanted was a depressed and weird tension filled evening between the two of them.


End file.
